Dating: Do guys rush to meet?

[spotysocks]

There is already a recent similar thread on meeting people from GS in real life.This thread though is about dating and how long it takes to date people generally from on line. I just clarify this so Shadz doesnt think i stole his thread or something!

I ve met some of my very best mates online, however i like to meet people after talking to them a fair amount of time. Lets say 3-5 good chats. You think this is quick? Maybe so but you d be surprised. It seems that i have always been asked when online in social networking/dating sites and msn only three things before they make a runner (or not): more pictures,my name and when i ll meet them.
It is fine, doesnt bother although when people do these three things: taking long long time to reply to my message, ask to meet in a matter of a few minutes, or leave the conversation with out say goodbye i find it rude. I see it as they dont want to talk to you first and a sign of either shallow or highly unsociable behaviour. It will make me think twice if i really want to meet someone like that.

So, what is your take when it comes to dating on line? Do you think this is common and are we in such rush to meet to loose basic conversational skills? How long time it take you until you meet someone you start talking from online?

[Shadow]

Well to be honest ? A few months to a year is the amount of time I'd want to invest of myself in getting to know somebody online before deciding about dating them ...

MEETING them sooner, no problem at all - WLM and I met after ... babe how long ? 8 months ? But Martyn (whom I'm dating) didn't come see me until just gone 12 months into our knowing each other, and shortly after that, we decided to make a go of it ...

... so I'd say talking on MSN/the phone/text etc., until you're comfortable meeting (however long that takes you - depends on you and the other person, how well you gel, etc., etc.), and then from that first meeting, that's when the clock starts ticking on the dating thing for me ... and I'd look to start dating from reflecting upon how our meeting went and so on and so forth ... I think that's the point for me purely because, up until that point, you've not really had an opportunity to sample the individual or their company with all five senses as it were ...

... you might get along great in here, but IRL they might smell, or you might not be what they want, or one of a bazillion other things might just not be quite right, or (God forbid) send alarm bells ringing ...

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

P.s. Incidentally I do think that many homosexuals do rush to get into relationships, as at the back of our minds many of us have this "I've been waiting and alone for so long ... and I really want to have that ideal relationship I've always dreamed of" mindset going on, and that can cause us to THROW ourselves headfirst into things that we might ordinarily think twice about ... not a bad thing - perfectly understandable in fact, but unfortunate all the same in many instances ...

[Gay]

I quite agree with you, Oh Wise One.

I know quite a few people who, in their haste to have someone in their lives, have lowered their standards or acted without the consideration they might usually apply to a situation. Sadly, I myself am guilty of it, too.

I'm rather ashamed to admit that each of my 5 serious boyfriends came into my life via the computer. The one that didn't was an immature bisexual cutey from College who eventually ended up using me as his "Gay Experience" guinea pig.

The man who ran the LGBT group I went to just once, told me that using the internet is THE most common way gay people meet other gay people, and so is nothing to be so ashamed of. Sounds like it makes sense, what with some attitudes still remaining and it being largely impossible to tell who is the same as you unless they're wearing a pink boa and mincing like a good 'un.

Anyway, all of that tripe was simply leading to my original point. I think, on the whole, gay guys DO tend to rush into things, hence why we have this stigma of gay relationships being less stable, and gay men being supposedly more promiscuous.

Personally, like Shadow and spotysocks, things have to be right ONline before I'll consider meeting them OFFline. They have to show interest for a start, making me chuckle is always a winner, and not making me wait for replies scores VERY highly with me.

I've never really put any kind of time limit on when I meet people, usually just waited till it felt truly comfortable to do so or that we'd taken our online relationship as far as it would go. Looking back, I believe it's varied from 2 years right down to the 3 months it took to meet Daniel, my current.

Blah! I'm such a slut! 6 guys in three years, five off the net, and throwing myself at them if they reply to my messages quickly...!?

*repeats mantra of "Things will change at Uni* ten times*

Dan

x

[marshlander]

Before I met Albert I used to spend quite a lot of time in the East Anglian chat room on Gay.com. After a while I got to know many of the characters projected online. Of course there is no way that I could know whether these people were genuine. I did meet a few, but I learned to be cautious. However, the company did something stupid to the site and lost all their regulars to Gaydar. Sadly, the character of the Gaydar chat was very different and was never as interesting and, to be honest I soon became wrapped up in other priorities.

I've never reconnected with the open and serendipitous live discussions on any other site (although Albert and I have attempted to entice people into the chat room on here from time to time) and I don't know whether I can see myself being sufficiently motivated to go through all that again!

I don't see the web being a shameful way to meet people at all. It can be a great filter. I felt that if we could find something to chat about online there was always a chance that we might have something to talk about were we to met in a café or a pub.

[princealbertofb]

...
Anyway, all of that tripe was simply leading to my original point. I think, on the whole, gay guys DO tend to rush into things, hence why we have this stigma of gay relationships being less stable, and gay men being supposedly more promiscuous.

...
x

Plus a whole lot of other reasons like, men don't expect to be called back after a shag (while women might) and they can take things more lightly on the emotional level if all they are out for is sex... Then there is also the absolute impossibility of getting pregnant, which, in some heterosexual cases, happens and makes things more complicated... Just to mention some of the reasons why men are ready to experience new lovers, or new sexual partners without them becoming lovers.

[princealbertofb]

Before I met Albert I used to spend quite a lot of time in the East Anglian chat room on Gay.com. After a while I got to know many of the characters projected online. Of course there is no way that I could know whether these people were genuine. I did meet a few, but I learned to be cautious. However, the company did something stupid to the site and lost all their regulars to Gaydar. Sadly, the character of the Gaydar chat was very different and was never as interesting and, to be honest I soon became wrapped up in other priorities.

I've never reconnected with the open and serendipitous live discussions on any other site (although Albert and I have attempted to entice people into the chat room on here from time to time) and I don't know whether I can see myself being sufficiently motivated to go through all that again!

I don't see the web being a shameful way to meet people at all. It can be a great filter. I felt that if we could find something to chat about online there was always a chance that we might have something to talk about were we to met in a café or a pub.

Meeting online is no worse nor no better than meeting in real life, but admittedly nowhere is there such a concentration of possibilities as on a site dedicated to likewise-thinking people. You might have a local association or society or club but there will never be as many there as on a forum such as this. OK admittedly the regulars aren't that many on Gayspeak, but if any of the many people who have registered chose to poke their nose in from time to time and say what they have to say, it would be heard by people who might find their conversation at least a little interesting. The fact is that being gay is like being part of a diaspora, therefore not so many people but all over the place. There are parts of the world where being gay is absolutely not something you can even say you are, for fear of losing your life, others where it is strongly discriminated against, and punished, sometimes legally, sometimes brutally and illegally... I understand why gays have made online their dating ground. It's a cool place, you can talk to anyone and meet them in real life or cut them off if you find they are a bother or a bore... it's pretty safe till you actually meet the person, it is smoke free (a plus, as far as I'm concerned! lol), and I also believe that it could be a way of meeting people on a deeper level than if it were just "first sight" impressions -- our eyes can be great deceivers.

I wonder if it takes more courage to go and meet someone with whom you've been chatting for a while and have got to know or to go to places like pubs and discos looking for someone to pick up as your one-night stand, regular friend, momentary lover or life-long partner.

[Ultra]

I'm extremely sorry if I'm necroposting and uhh... this is such an old topic. I'll tell you on my experience. First off... this was when I thought I was straight and I was going to get a girlfriend for the sake of having one...

My first relationship started online. Want to talk about rushing? Literally, I met in her a day... yes I did, so guys do rush to meet. What was supposed to be a long distance/online relationship, it rapidly transitioned into an offline relationship.

The problem with this, it happened waaaaaaaay too quickly. We lasted for about a month. She cheated on me too, which really infuriated me. I have officially shunned her and that's what will happen to you if you cheat on me. Yeah, I take my relationships seriously.

[PrinceMuzic]

I'm over chatting up guys online... My phone has this gtalk chat thing and every time, without fail, the guys I've chatted with online ended up being jerks. All of a sudden stop talking to me, remove me as a friend, and don't even dignify me with a response when I message them or (if we've exchanged phone numbers) text or call them even when I beg to know why we fell apart. It happened even up to today and this last time hurt beyond all comparison. So much so that on the first night I worked up the courage to come out to my parents, the hurt instantly soured me to that idea. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it and be less trusting when I chat again but the key word is eventually. I'll probably make a thread detailing this later but until then...



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[Genersis]

......WLM and I met after ... babe how long ? 8 months ? But Martyn (whom I'm dating) didn't come see me until just gone 12 months into our knowing each other, and shortly after that, we decided to make a go of it ...

3 weeks I'm SURE......nope might be 4.....no no 3........
Oh never mind either way, It was pretty sudden.


Chances of you actually reading this are pretty remote. But we will see.:tongue:

Miss ya.
See you again soon.:biggrin:

[Kiid]

I don't think I like online dating. I get board of it quick. I like meting new people out there in the real world. Even though it maybe harder to find people I think it is more rewarding. But at the moment I'v been having rather bad "man cravings" so I'v been looking for a boy friend. But been failing but I'm not giving up. Slow and steady...

I'm over chatting up guys online... My phone has this gtalk chat thing and every time, without fail, the guys I've chatted with online ended up being jerks. All of a sudden stop talking to me, remove me as a friend, and don't even dignify me with a response when I message them or (if we've exchanged phone numbers) text or call them even when I beg to know why we fell apart. It happened even up to today and this last time hurt beyond all comparison. So much so that on the first night I worked up the courage to come out to my parents, the hurt instantly soured me to that idea. I'm pretty sure I'll get over it and be less trusting when I chat again but the key word is eventually. I'll probably make a thread detailing this later but until then...

All they seem to wan is to see your cock. Or meet for sex.

And I'm looking forward to your thread.