Advice on where to find a Beard (fake boyfriend)

[dreamcatcher]

Can anyone advise where I could find a Beard AKA pretend boyfriend?

The problem is as follows:

We are two females married, my family knows and is ok with it, some of our close friends know, but things is her family does not know, she tried to hint about it but even the idea was made into a big discussion of how "those type of people" will go to hell etc, and my partner is asian so in her family it would be like a disgrace upon the entire family, she doesn't want to upset her mother, as her mother tends to guilt trip her, emmotionally blackmail her and she is torn between making her mother happy and the relationship.

The recent problem is the mother is more and more insistant that she must either return back home to take care of her parents or that she must find a guy in the UK. She has two siblings still living near her parents, but the parents guilt her that they will marry and move out and that if she is single she must return to look after them.
The pressure has started to increase on her returning from the UK where she is happy and making a life for herself, and returning to their country and having to serve them.

So the summary of it all is I would like to know if there is any sites / forums / classifieds I can try out there to find a pretent boyfriend just for some photos together and simple things like that. I tried vivastreet but just had very strange replies from pervs.

Any help appreciated and coming out to them is not an option!

Thanks

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So your wife is married to you, and is clear across the continent from her folks?

And you all want to start this fiction, this lie in order to appease the parents instead of being honest about who and what you are?

I fail to see how lying is going to work out better than telling the truth.

Are the parents going to fly out and bundle her up and kidnap her back to wherever they are from if she says 'I'm gay and married to a woman'?

Or are her parents going to hire a hitman to put her down like a rabid dog if she comes out?

If yes then by all means she should divorce you and find a man and pretend to be happy being a man's wife and the mother of his children. No doubt back home Momma can get her in an arraigned marriage that satisfies Momma's notion of what a good husband is.

If these terrible things are not going to happen and all that happens Momma has a bad day and feels 'upset' - well that is on Momma to be all upset and make this into a drama scene. Or are you and your wife planing on coming out by taking out a full page ad in Momma's local newspaper to announce to all the neighbors the 'families disgrace'?

Parents get upset - that is their job. Parents have these notions that their children are 'mini-mes' and will grow up to live the failed aspects of the parent's life, becoming that which the parent didn't manage. So parents often get 'upset' because that human bring happens to be an individual with a working brain and has its own wants and needs.

Lying to prevent your parents from being upset - is, in my humble opinion, a far more grievous sin and shows far less respect for the parental units. Honor thy Father and thy mother, and 'thou shall not bear false witness'.

I assume you are both in your 30's - its ok to cut the apron strings, if necessary its even ok to be totally disowned, she will live, and a new family will adopt her - it usually happens that one gets pretty close with their friends and form their own families.

[Lilitu]

I can understand how it might seem an impossible situation.

I presume that your wife still feels obligated to appease her parents. I get that filial piety runs very deep in her family background, and it's a big deal to dishonour her family or be disowned.

A friend of mine had a similar situation in his family; his brother had married outside of the his caste, and had all contact cut from his family. When he went to visit him once, his brother actually told him he regretted the decision, and though he was very happy with his life, felt awful about the consequences of his marrying outside his caste.

I don't know how long the farce would last, but I'd suggest maybe putting a personal ad in the local newspaper, or something of that sort, where only guys who won't get too dragged into it would likely answer.

I hope things don't turn out too badly for you too...

I really feel for your wife

[southbiochem]

Well you can always look for a closeted gay guy that would want to have a fake girlfriend, no? Dont really know how to find one, though...

Other than that allow me to speak my mind

I get the cultural issue at hand, and that your wife will hold love for her family even in the face of being disgraced...

Now, being far far away, I don't see why you should worry about what they think...

We had a Georgian guy here threatened to death by his family should he return to Georgia and still be gay...

If it's not something like that I don't see any reason for the mother to find out about you 2 or for your wife to even have to give an explanation as to why she's "not married"..

There's absolutely no reason whatsoever for her to go back only on the account the other siblings get married..sure, as a child, you'd want to take care of your parents..

but if that's the case, then mommy needs to stop blackmailing, guilt tripping and emotionally manipulating your wife...forget the cultural issue, forget the religious beliefs, that's just called being a crappy parent..

I tell you all of this cause if the truth comes to light and it's likely that it will if you go through with the lie..it will be far far worse than attaining to the truth from the beggining..

so if telling the truth is not an option, I don't see any reason for mommy to be informed of anything, really...just don't inform her..and you could help the wife into not let herself be manpiulated like this..

[partis]

To be honest for such a strange request its not a suprise you got strange replies "from pervs". Id be worried for any guy that would do such a thing for two people he never knew.

Maybe try looking within your own circles, friends of friends, somebody trustworthy and not strange.

[sillyboy86]

I think you're wrong. Lies are wrong, and this could be a very big, big lie.
Also is wrong that her family are pushing her to come back, but at the end I don't find too much difficult find a fake boyfriend only for skype session and similar things... A friend.

Recently I heard about a telephone service for fake boy/girlfriend, a very silly thing...

[dreamcatcher]

If I wanted judgement on how to live my life as a LGBT member in society I have plenty of places to go where they will tell me how I should live my life. The advice section, one would think is to search for advice, the advise asked for was how and where one would find what in the LGBT comunnity is called a beard, this has existed for a very, very long time, and still exists. I do not need critisism on stepping out of the closet. Each person has a right to come out if they want, how they want and when they want. I would think the LGBT community would know better than to judge others without knowing the full history, background, mental and physical implication set along ones beliefs, and choices, backgrounds and history. Fair enough some tried to answer and added a bit of advice, others were down right judgemental, critisising and making preconceived notions on how I should be living my life despite this clearly not beeing my choice, sounds like something I can find in many straight communities. It is my choice to go down this route, my right to make my mistakes even if you see it as a mistake, and my choice to come out to her mother if and when we are ready. Could further replies just answer if you actually have the advice requested? We've come out to a lot of people but every circumstance is differant and in this case it was a very thought out decision and we have our reasons.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

If I wanted judgement on how to live my life as a LGBT member in society I have plenty of places to go where they will tell me how I should live my life. The advice section, one would think is to search for advice, the advise asked for was how and where one would find what in the LGBT comunnity is called a beard, this has existed for a very, very long time, and still exists. I do not need critisism on stepping out of the closet. Each person has a right to come out if they want, how they want and when they want. I would think the LGBT community would know better than to judge others without knowing the full history, background, mental and physical implication set along ones beliefs, and choices, backgrounds and history. Fair enough some tried to answer and added a bit of advice, others were down right judgemental, critisising and making preconceived notions on how I should be living my life despite this clearly not beeing my choice, sounds like something I can find in many straight communities. It is my choice to go down this route, my right to make my mistakes even if you see it as a mistake, and my choice to come out to her mother if and when we are ready. Could further replies just answer if you actually have the advice requested? We've come out to a lot of people but every circumstance is differant and in this case it was a very thought out decision and we have our reasons.

Well said.

The GS community don't know you, and its clear from the initial posting (and this one) that you've both given this some thought.

However, in defence of the GS folks who replied, you did post on a public forum asking for advice. And while I appreciate this is a sensitive subject for you, attacking the responses because you don't like them won't win you any friends here.

You could try posting on Craigslist, but I'm afraid the pervs response is something your going to have to just ignore. What about looking in some of the more mainstream Lesbian press (DIVA, G3 etc.) or even posting an ad in those? At least focusing on Lesbian publication may filter out 90% or the pervs.

BTW, Im a bearded male. Ive never heard of the term "Beard" used in this way before - I assume its a Lesbian thing....

to the forum btw. Don't jump ship too quickly, the forum is very useful for lots of things

Good Luck,

ObW
X

[megumidesu]

BTW, Im a bearded male. Ive never heard of the term "Beard" used in this way before - I assume its a Lesbian thing....

it's not
a "beard" is someone who is (or pretends to be) in a relationship with someone who is of a different sexual orientation so that other people don't know that he/she is a particular orientation . a straight woman in a relationship with a gay man for the purpose of hiding the fact that he's gay would be his "beard" , for example

i think it comes from the fact that a beard hides your face , so a "beard" would hide your sexuality

[dreamcatcher]

Well said.

The GS community don't know you, and its clear from the initial posting (and this one) that you've both given this some thought.

However, in defence of the GS folks who replied, you did post on a public forum asking for advice. And while I appreciate this is a sensitive subject for you, attacking the responses because you don't like them won't win you any friends here.

You could try posting on Craigslist, but I'm afraid the pervs response is something your going to have to just ignore. What about looking in some of the more mainstream Lesbian press (DIVA, G3 etc.) or even posting an ad in those? At least focusing on Lesbian publication may filter out 90% or the pervs.

BTW, Im a bearded male. Ive never heard of the term "Beard" used in this way before - I assume its a Lesbian thing....

to the forum btw. Don't jump ship too quickly, the forum is very useful for lots of things

Good Luck,

ObW
X

It is an advice forum, I agree, but a lot of the replies were not in a "advisely" way and more in a condescending tone...
I don't like to lie and those who know me, know I'm honest to a high degree, but sometimes there are things beyond ones control, and I would not want to force my partner to tell her parents if she is not emotionally ready to do so, this is my attempt at a middle ground to appeise her mother till the time she is ready, all she needs is some photos with the guy, maybe 1 meet and greet just to keep them off her back, the alternative is the family trying to constantly get her a husband, keep saying they are unwell and she's single so she must come to care for them, crying to her over the phone. In a household where you could not even say the word sex for any reason so talking about gayness would be an abberation. One time she tried to make a joke about what if she was gay and the mother went bezerk. But again you can't get a full understanding if you do not live it. Each person is able to withstand differant things and everyone has their own levels of courage, she is not the strongest person in this case and has a hard time dealing with any notion of upsetting her family. I love her and would not choose to abandon her just cause she's not able to face it all and come out.

Appologies for spelling mistakes