Need your advice here guys...

[BunnehBoi]

Hello everyone,

I posted about this situation several months ago, but it has developed more and I feel I need some advice from independant 3rd parties.

So a rundown on the situation. (I will try to be brief, but apologies for the length regardless).

I met this guy late last year through my best friend (they are friends). We chatted a bit and seemed to hit it off, however he was at the time in a long distance LTR, which he was not happy with, but was clinging onto in the hopes that it would work out. (The relationship ended a few months later, rather badly)

We started spending heaps of time together, going out clubbing, hanging out at his place etc etc, even snuggling a few times after we got home from the clubs, but nothing more (as I said, LTR and I didn't want to push).

I made it clear to him that I was interested, and he seemed interested back for a while, but then turned around to me a few months after we had met and said that he "just wants to be friends". It was very hard for me, because I want much more with him than just friends, however he has felt over the next few months that he needed to reiterate it and he gave me "the talk" a few more times (which bugged me because I was trying to move on with my life as well).

Since then, we've been hanging out most days, spend the majority of our time together, talk about everything etc, and are very close, but I would be the one who initiates contact to arrange things etc.

Recently however, I decided that I needed to totally sort my life out and move on with things and to that end told him that I wouldn't be seeing him for a while so I could sort my head out (he seemed indifferent when I told him which was a little strange). After only a few days (4 or 5, I forget which) he was asking me if I'd like to come around, fb messaging me every day (even though normally I'd be the one contacting him) etc. Eventually I gave in and started hanging out with him again. (This was about a month ago now)

Since then, we've spent pretty much every day together (around our work schedules) and he is the one who asks me if I'd like to hang out, his attitude towards me has changed somewhat, his body language is more open, he keeps eye contact with me heaps, gives me flirty little smiles, if I pass him something he makes sure to grab it where I'm holding it so our hands touch, sits closer etc. Basically those things you do when you're interested in someone.

We share alot of friends, and I've heard from several of our closest ones that he's complained about us spending so much time together and that he doesn't understand what my problem is, but most of them are telling him that it's his fault because he invites me around etc. They're also telling him to make a choice and to either stop fucking around with my head or to commit to something.

To make matters worse, he has a fuck buddy who he has had for the last year or so. He is uninterested in the guy for the most part (they dont hang out, spend time etc) and they only see each other for sex (or if there is a social aspect, it is purely as an introduction to the sex) He has told me (and others as well) that he definitely does not want to date his fuck in any way, just that they have great sex. Good to note that his fuck and I hate each other btw.

So my dilemma is this:

What the hell do I do?
He says he's not interested in a R/S but then acts like he is. I'm unsure as to what he wants, as he's been dealing with his breakup, but now he's acting like this and it's doing my head in.

Any advice that you guys can give me would be great!
(Please, helpful advice, just saying "get rid of him and move on" is unhelpful, thoughts and ideas??)

[southbiochem]

There's a problem with mixed signals on his part here...

have a sitdown and talk things, and adress the issue directly..

"Are you or are you not interested in a relationship with me, cause you say you don't and I hear you're complaining about me, but you act like you do arround me...I need an answer so I can know where to move on in my life"

If he's saying that kind of things to other friends..well, I think you already have you answer..

But, adress the issue..if he avoids the subject or he outright says "no", you will have you answer and then you can move on..

you might still keep him as a friend, but the illusion of dating him will no longer bind you and you'll be able to look for someone who is indeed interested in you


best of lucks

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He has a fuck buddy? If still seeing that guy then he clearly is not ready for a relationship.

All of this failure to commit indicates to me he wants you to be the new fuck buddy - getting all the benefits of a relationship without all of the work.

You need to set a limit in how much game playing you are willing to play with/for a person.

My limit is pretty low - I would have walked as soon as I learned he was actively seeing a fuck-buddy regardless of his feelings for that person.

Listen to those friends - they are saying right out he is sending mixed signals and he needs to make a choice here - and clearly he ain't ready to make the choice you want him to make.

Time to move on find a guy who is ready, able and not already seeing someone (a fuck buddy).

If you want to that is - IDK, maybe you actually like where you are at with this relationship thus really want to stay with it as it is?

[Vigilias]

So... He has a long distance thing, a fuck buddy and you.

He's having his cake, the icing and eating it isn't he?

I believe his friends are right, he needs to stop messing with your emotions and either end it or commit to you. But what do you feel his chances of doing that are, of committing to you and only you? I'm afraid it sounds to me that he may have intimacy issues.

I feel you need the Vigilias Patent Sort Your Head Out cure.

As I suggest sometimes in these cases, it often helps to have a period of three months in which you don't contact each other and then see you feel. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.

You're entitled to know where you stand with someone, especially after you've let him know how you feel.

Good luck with it and let us know how you get on.

[sitchblap]

ohhh myyyy goooood

do you have a good amount of self esteem? does he make you feel like you are only alive when you two are together??? do you want a relationship with him and only him? if so tell him! if he doesnt go along with it maybe it isnt his time yet... his f buddy and him have great sex??? if your sex isnt good enough for him will he just be around you for the social aspects of it all and fk someone else? get some self respect i know its hard to let someone you imagine a future with. you need to think of yourself first in this situation.

[sitchblap]

i wish i had thought of myself a lot more before...

[BunnehBoi]

It's not so much that I like where the r/s is at this stage, it's more that I think he's worth sticking through for a bit longer to see where things go. It's tough

[southbiochem]

It's not so much that I like where the r/s is at this stage, it's more that I think he's worth sticking through for a bit longer to see where things go. It's tough

Understandable, but that requires you and him being on the same page...

again, talk to him...maybe there's hope yet..