Please help me with insight/advise.

[SilverBullet]

Hey \o/
I have a really mixed up problem and I need advice badly.
Please read all and dont just to immediate conclusions.

~please forgive my grammer, and double post, this one disappeared when I submitted and i was asked to log in (thought it was gone, but appeared today)

-First a bit about me as im brand new here and everywhere, im 23, male, northcaolina college student. I find enjoyment in most everything, I can find appreciation in almost anything IE all music (except depressing, and screaming stuff), very open minded, typically if im in a group im the one up for whatever, and first to jump in the lake.

advice part with bit of a story
A year ago I would identify myself as straight, I was dateing a beutifull girl things were going well. Well about 10 months ago we broke up for reasons I would rather not slander even someone you guys dont know. Just leave it as she messed me up pretty bad (we had been dating for good while) I was incredibly lonely for about two months I was just about to look for someone else when she showed up at my door saying she would change, and I trusted her again. Needless to say not only was my faith misplaced what happened next ripped my soul out. I have hardly looked at a girl after that point a little over 8 months ago I have no attraction towards females, I understand not all are like this, in fact, few are like this, I have thought about the circumstances and relived the event over and over and things have never been the same and after this long I dont think they will.

It was about four months after our breakup I started noticeing guys when going into a gym, or on the trail at campus similar feelings I had for the fairer sex previously had swapped. Im not going into detail here. Its haunted me for months and a couple nights ago I had and erotic dream but not with a female. I really am lost on what to do, I have always been open minded to things and very chill but most of my friends are not, family is DEFINATLY not. I have never heard of this happening before should I see a phsychiatrist? I dont know how I would identify myself bi, gay? Im very sorry for the long post I just feel soo lost right now, the dream was a breaking point I feel like i need(ed) to talk to someone.

Please any advice is greatly GREATLY appreciated.

[sitchblap]

ive heard of this a while back in highschool. a friend of mine was heart broken. he started flirting with me and walking me to class and we even met up after a movie night. he left because his family moved. he has kids and a wife now. all i can say is play off your feelings and see where it takes you. noone has to know how you are attracted to a different sex . i was attracted to women at one point in time lol like i thought of a vagina and i kinda tingled down there lol. i gave it time and im grossed out again lol. im not saying its the same for everyone all im saying is you dont have to hate yourself (if you do)

[sitchblap]

ive been through this*

[sillyboy86]

Hi!

I have never heard of this happening before should I see a phsychiatrist?

Luckily (?) I don't think your situation is too strange, I've heard similar things happened both to girls and boys.

Maybe is only a period, caused by this delusion, but I think only you will know if you feel a real attraction to males/girls. Do you miss that girl today? What do you feel about her?
Take your time, don't be so anxious and maybe yes, if you need it you can ask for a professional help. But probably a normal counseling psychologist would be enough.
And post here ;-)

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Actually this sort of 'switch' takes place a lot more often than we in the LGBT community like to admit since we have that 'Born this Way Motto' we like to be able to throw out there.

Trauma (be it rape, be it a really shitty relationship) can actually drive a person into the arms of the other gender. While the most typical example is that of a woman being raped (a severe trauma) being driven to the arms of another woman out of fear/dread that all men will victimize her - it can happen with less severe traumas.

Understand you have needs. Yes I know you are a 'boy' and 'big boys' don't have emotions, don't cry, don't fear, are not supposed to want affection/cuddling/etc - however that is a sick society that has severely damaged generation after generation of males with unacceptable beliefs which as gotten worse in many ways over the past 25 years.

So you have these needs and you will be seeking someone to fill these needs. Since you are reluctant to discuss the particulars of what went on - I can only assume there was a betrayal followed closely by a broken heart. Most guys don't know how to deal with a broken heart, we are not allowed to talk about this sort of thing because we are suppose to be tough and just manage on our own.

So this is most likely your trying to deal with an emotional situation without the support of others to help you through the emotional fall out of the broken heart, and betrayal and what other emotions this has caused.

You still have the needs for affection, love, etc but are afraid of ___________ happening again so are now looking to a 'safe harbor' the males of the species.

You are most likely already bisexual to a minor degree, and given normal circumstances most likely wouldn't be drawn to act on that. But given this extraordinary situation your second nature is being called up to the front to meet your needs.

You are not crazy. However you most likely DO need a therapist to work through whatever happened in your relationship. I don't know your background and how you personally feel about homosexuality, so I have no idea what the over all impact of acting on that would have on you. This is something you would do better to explore with a therapist instead of acting on it.

[Homer]

Bowyn Aerrow said it so well above--you'd do well to see a therapist. I hope the best for you and keep us updated.

[SilverBullet]

Hi!

Do you miss that girl today? What do you feel about her?
)

I actually dont think about her as much as I did and I no longer miss her, I could only describe my feeling as dull.
Thanks guys for the advice, I was always under the impresison you were born with your ideals of attraction and they never changed. I think that was the part that was really freaking me out.

[Festino]

I have always been homosexual, since i was 7 years old i kinda knew (having sexy dreams with boys) but when i really started noticing boys was in junior highschool, and it all came out of bromances, sure i tried before to say things like "i like girls" but never managed to believe it, it was out of friendship that i found my sexual orientation.

Now i have friends that are girls and boys but i stayed gay.

As a medicine student i can tell you that human behavior is very strange and we are all potentially bisexual, hell we could all be interspecial (sex with cows anyone?) you see, humans need love and affection, and we sometimes find that in friends, work out buddies,etc. Sure i would be kinda freaked out to start being atracted to girls, but if you analize it, its all natural.

To wrap it up: Relax. Follow your feelings. Be safe

[Maverick]

Yep, I think Bowyn Aerrow hit it on the nail head.

As far as acting on your feelings... I think it really boils down to this in a nut shell; it's not a gay thing or a straight thing, it's really about two people who've connected in a deep way and the result is love. It's that simple, love is love, and the "mechanics" of it, or how we share that love between two people really doesn't matter. If you meet someone, and it so just "happens" that the other person is a guy, so you "share" your love for each other differently, that's all. Love is a strong, powerful, emotional feeling; it's in the mind and intertwines itself with your soul. That's what is important, not how you share yourself physically with each other.

I wish the "world" would get over the homophobia, and I think in time it will (it's come a long way in the last 10 years or so!). Think of it this way, if you were on a desert island and developed these feelings, and there wasn't "society issues" to deal with, you'd just fall in love without all the mixed emotions. Someday I hope it becomes just that easy for everyone.

[southbiochem]

Quite frankly, they may have been always some underlying bisexual feelings waiting to pope out..and this event was the trigger..

however the case, you should never feel ashamed, scared or any of the sort...you're human...that's all

you can have feelings emotional or physical towards males without it meaning you'll end up with one, it's perfectly fine...

if you find yourself with more than just an attraction towards a man, and if your comfortable about it, then you can act on those feelings..

the same goes for the other side of the spectrum..you can meet a new girl, fall for her and go forward with that...

it's all good, think always about your happiness and not so much on which gender gives you that happiness, regardless if you have a preference for one in particular