Welcome to the forums, Silver.
Two pieces of advice that we hear on these threads often:
- Time heals all wounds. I have some that haven't healed in years, but they're getting better.
- Let go of the labels of straight, bi, gay, whatever. Sexuality is more fluid than those simple labels, and your sexuality may change over time.
I was in a marriage with a woman for 20 years. After she chose divorce, I thought for a while that I would never trust a woman again. That is a crazy irrational projection on half of the world's population, but that's the story my mind chose too.
Fortunately, I've always been attracted to guys as well, and I took the opportunity to explore that. I had a boyfriend for 6 months and came out as bi to family and friends. We're no longer a couple, but remain close friends. I learned some things about myself, and about love.
Now I have just started dating a woman, 4 years after my divorce. I still feel guarded about getting close and being emotionally vulnerable, but I think I'll get through that.
Give yourself time. Allow the irrational feelings you have now, but recognize that that's all they are. If you want to be open to a relationship with another guy, great. That doesn't mean you are gay. That doesn't mean you will never have sex or a relationship with a woman again.
And one other thing...
SilverBullet Wrote:...as a guy its bad to show too much emotion I simply bottled everything up and walked on.
WHEN...? When are we going to grow beyond this unnecessary limitation? Guys have emotions just as deep and complex as women. By bottling it up we only cripple our ability to connect with other people, and threaten our own emotional
and physical health. In my experience, women are hungry for men who can share their emotions. Yes, they tend to like us to appear strong, as well, but we can be strong
and in touch with our emotions.
Sorry. That was more a general rant, not directed so much at you. I hope some of what I wrote makes sense, and things look up for you soon.