I'm straight, but I think I feel something to him......what to do?

[Anonymous]

So I'm a gay friendly straight man and I'm in a complicated situation with my best friend, who's gay. We know each other for more than 15 years and no one knows me better than he does. We've always been there each for other. But now I think something is wrong with my feelings to him.

Some months ago we were in our friend's birthday's party. It was really fun and somehow during the evening we kissed. But I was drunk and I really regret that it happened and he apologized me for it the next day. Once he told me he liked me, but he has always respected my being straight and he has never come on to me so I guess he regretted that it happened too.

But the thing is that I don't understand my feelings to him anymore. I'm straight, but I've started to see him differently. I've started to notice things I didn't pay attention to before - his body, his eyes. When we meet and shake hands, I feel that I enjoy it, the feeling of his skin against mine. I like the tone is his voice. I've never paid attention to it before. During my working day I often catch myself thinking about him. This situation makes me angry, frustrated and also desperate. I'm straight, why am I thinking about another man? Is this really because of that one kiss? How can I feel these things to him if I'm into women?

Since that party he has became a bit quiet and doesn't share his feelings with me that often. He doesn't know I feel like that and I can't tell him, I'm ashamed of this.

I support gay rights and I'm really gay-friendly person, but I'm not gay, never been. So what is happening to me?

[partis]

You say "he doesn't know how you feel" but maybe he does. I know i would if it was me. It maybe he feels your confusion and he doesnt want to be that for you. After all you kissed.

You like this person, if that makes you gay so be it, you can only be gay for him if that makes sense, you dont have to change.

Really only you will work this out, how strong your feelings are, if its strong then i say we should take what we get as good things are too rare.

Best of luck

[Woollyhats]

First, he might be being quiet towards you because he likes you, and he's taking some time to get over that, so to speak.

Unfortunately, he doesn't know you're doing the same thing too!

Secondly, nothing is "happening to you". If it's possible for you to feel gay feelings, it's already a part of you... this may have made you aware of that. That doesn't make you gay, and you can still identify as straight if you so prefer - this is called being heteroromantic.

Straight people noticing men is more common than you'd think... the question here is, why is this mattering to you? If it because you are honestly considering a relationship with your friend?

Because, if you are, you're free to pursue that if you want! It doesn't make you gay, you don't have to be gay or not gay.... you fall in love (or date I suppose) with whoever you fall in love with.

Edit: I am a little confused as to how you are posting anonymously! You'd think I'd notice a straight male in these forums...Oh well, I won't try to solve the mystery, since posting anonymous means you don't want me too!

[matty7]

well you can be gay and have straight friends and just like you are feeling now it must be confusing for him too (your straight) but you kissed ,, have you thought of how he must be thinking too ??? he sees you as straight but then you kiss ..I don't see you as gay but wots wrong with just getting caught up in the moment with your best mate - but he's equally thrown by this ,, hope u work it out

[jimcrackcorn]

According to the Kinsey scale,, human sexuality could be charted on a scale of 0 to 6, with 0 being “Exclusively heterosexual” and 6 being "Exclusively homosexual".

You could possibly be rated on the scale as a 1,,, almost exclusively heterosexual.

It would take the right person, at the right time,,,, to spark your interest in him. It doesn't mean that your suddenly turning gay and will no longer feel attracted to a woman, in fact,,, this feeling for your best friend may only happen once in your lifetime and you'll never have this kind of feeling for any other man for the rest of your life..

I would suggest that you continue enjoying the close friendship that you have with your best friend, but don't take it to a romantic level unless your sure you want to be a in full blown relationship with him. You could end up hurting him and destroying your friendship if you get emotionally involved with him for a short period of time and then decide he's not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Good luck,
Jim

[Anonymous]

No, I'm not considering relationships with him, I would.never do that, because I hope that all this obsession with him will end sooner or later. I mean, it has to end, because I'm not gay.

Yes, we kissed, but I was drunk. I know it doesn't justify anything, but who hasn't done stupid and regrettable things when booze is involved? I would have never kissed him while sober. Now I would do anything to undo this kiss, because all my problems with checking out my friend started after it.

[sitchblap]

You said you think of him... You said you see him differently now... My o
Cousin was in your situation. She was straight but only lesbian for one girl. They loved each other so much.

[matty7]

so talk to him - hes not silly ,, he knows it was a mistake ,,,if your both drunk then don't just blame him - u knew he was gay ,, so who came onto who for the kiss ??

[James]

After 15 years of friendship, hard not to love another human being, doesn't mean much except you care, James

[southbiochem]

While most people like to identify themselves as plain gay or straight, sexuality tends to be a bit more complicated than that, many many many people are not 100% one or the other, despite having a preference for one gender in particular..

I can say that you probably, if anything, have grown attached to this guy, and there would be nothing wrong with that except your own views on the matter..maybe it's romantic feelings, maybe you just care a great deal for him....

I get it can be confusing, scary and unsettling...

but let me tell you this: there's nothing wrong about it..

have you considered talking with him about it? It would probably be the best...he can support you with this and you won't be dealing with these feelings you don't understand

talk to him and do what feels more comfortable for you, let him help you figure out what those feelings mean

best of lucks