Most people speak of what they know, what they have seen, or what they grew up with.
Even if they know the whole world doesn't work the same way, they only speak from experience. And if someones experience is all that of seeing nothing but broken homes and unhappy families, then they are only commenting on what is known to them.
They are not singling anyone out, bashing anyone, or making judgments on your personal life or the way you were raised.
No need for anybody to get all puffed up about a simple comment/question.
Although, we all know that happens on GS all the time.....simple questions take severe left turns! LOL
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Quote:At least in some other cultures family is still important
And what do you consider as a family? There are more options than just one.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:Most people speak of what they know, what they have seen, or what they grew up with.
Even if they know the whole world doesn't work the same way, they only speak from experience. And if someones experience is all that of seeing nothing but broken homes and unhappy families, then they are only commenting on what is known to them.
They are not singling anyone out, bashing anyone, or making judgments on your personal life or the way you were raised.
No need for anybody to get all puffed up about a simple comment/question.
Although, we all know that happens on GS all the time.....simple questions take severe left turns! LOL
Oh I get that, Tinkles. Growing up with a narrow view does limit people. That doesn't mean that people should continue to act on what they grew up on for eternity though. It's one thing when they just limit themselves, but trying to bring down others with them is just absurd. Just because the rest of the world doesn't live within your own narrow views, doesn't mean you can call the rest of the world inferior to yourself and your own views. Everyone here has this problem with religions, but they should apply that same rule to themselves and their own core beliefs as well.
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VileKyle Wrote:Oh I get that, Tinkles. Growing up with a narrow view does limit people. That doesn't mean that people should continue to act on what they grew up on for eternity though. It's one thing when they just limit themselves, but trying to bring down others with them is just absurd. Just because the rest of the world doesn't live within your own narrow views, doesn't mean you can call the rest of the world inferior to yourself and your own views. Everyone here has this problem with religions, but they should apply that same rule to themselves and their own core beliefs as well.
Well, I TRY to keep an open mind when I comment on something or post a question like this, but sometimes we forget to stop and think, or reread what we wrote before we post it.
Ive done that a few times on here, and people blew up at me. But what I wrote and what people read into what I wrote were two different things.
One could also say it is narrow minded of the reader to only think that the person posting a comment or question has nothing but malicious intent on their mind.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:One could also say it is narrow minded of the reader to only think that the person posting a comment or question has nothing but malicious intent on their mind.
It's not the intent that concerns me. It's the direction that the message is going once it's delivered that matters. Even if the intent was something completely different, the chosen vocabulary still plays into the overall message and how it is received. If you don't want to sound like a complete prick (and I don't mean you, Tinkles), then pick your words more carefully. If you outright insult someone, it doesn't matter if you meant to say it with the best of intentions. It's as bad as saying "no offense" before offending.
Anyways, I saw partis post about ending and ignoring this thread. He deleted it for some reason, but it's still a good idea. This whole thread stinks.
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Here is the main part of the original post......Im going to break it down from my viewpoint.....
I was chatting to this guy online and everything was going well, then he said he has a child that will always come first.
Ok, as I stated before, this is one of the WRONG things to say to someone. Its fine if you say you have kids or you are a parent, but stressing that your kids come first is just "the wrongest thing you could say" (as my sister would put it).
Get back with the mother of the child then, too many kids from broken homes… im one.
He is speaking from experience. No need for anyone to get bent out of shape over this comment, seeing as it is from his personal life. He is not attacking anyone, other than himself with this comment.
I dont care if you disagree.
Gave everybody the option to disagree with him, with no hard feelings.
If you have children your bi, not gay
Again, a personal opinion based on his personal experiences.
I can see where this might be a commentary to discuss further, but he is not attacking anyone by saying this. He is just stating his belief.
I want all gay, i come first, im kid A…
A personal statement telling us that he doesnt want to share his affections with competitors.
Nothing wrong with that. I dont think anyone wants competition when it comes to affection.
He invited commentary by telling us we can disagree with him. This was not an invitation to attack HIM. If he did any attacking, he did it in self defense.
We (people on GS) have discussed this type of situation a few times since I have been on here.
People come from different places, different backgrounds, different language sects. As much as I like some people on here, there are a couple of them from other countries who get English phrasing wrong. And even though we know what they mean when they post something, no one says anything about it.
We know they are not from "English" speaking countries, even though they may speak English....so we have to overlook their grammar and sentence structure sometimes, when they get it wrong.
They dont mean anything hateful by what they said, they just didnt phrase it correctly. Hell, I AM from an English speaking country, and Im not perfect in my grammar and structure.
From my viewpoint, he did not say anything worthy of being ripped apart for, but he did defend himself when attacked.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:from my viewpoint
And there lies the problem. Your viewpoint is not the only one out there. Stop treating it like it is the final truth. Mine isn't either, so I can agree with your view that you don't feel that anything here was an affront to anyone. Others do feel like this thread was highly insulting, though. Consider that before stating that there was no offense within the message of this thread. It may be his personal musings, but he chose to make them public for the rest of us to take in.
/thread
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mmmmmm.......ok, Mr. Partis.......then...don't date men with kids?...
it's an option, many people can't handle kids or don't want to handle kids....when they're not their own..
I will disagree with you on this...having kids does not equal bi...many gays will force themselves into marriage and children just to remain hidden...it happens a lot...
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I have biological kids, but I'm definitely not bi. My kids always come first, too. It is just how it is. Love between parent/child and love between partners are two very different things. Personally, I can't even imagine being with someone that is so selfish they believe they are the only one that ever deserves any form of affection. Sheesh.
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This thread would've been better had partis posed it as an open question asking "would you date a man with kids?"....
It would've been more productive,
with less bickering and more discussing
on the issue of the prospects that come with dating people with kids.
I for one would never because I hate kids.
I share partis' disposition in wanting to "be #1" in a relationship.....
I would say the same would apply had a potential date stated that their career comes first, as that would turn me off....
I'd prefer being more than an accessory to my future partner's life, than subject to getting kicked to the curb at the simplest whim of their "#1".
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i would never date a man with kids
