Well I have ocd and anxiety and i freak out as some of you know. Im freaking out about my sexuality, because my friend called me gay as a joke but I have ocd and took it way further and I'm in a mess of confusion now. That's besides the point tho. Anyways now I'm freaking out if I'm attracted to feminine guys. I am not to regular guys for sure. I do not like a guys body at all. But I'm freaking out if I'm attracted to feminine guys. The closest thing that could account for that, is me worrying about it. And also, I remember in a porn video I watched a while ago had a feminine guy in it, just by the way he moved I could tell. Anyways I pictured myself being that guy. I'm freaking out, could I have mistaken wanting to be him for attraction. Ik this sounds stupid and crazy but I have ocd remember. Anyways yeah I'm freaking out. And when I see a feminine guy now I get crazy anxiety. Anyways when I'm not worrying about it, it never comes up in my mind, not in fantasies or anything. Only when I worry is it in my head. So help! And no I don't have fantasies about them at all ever.
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if you're attracted to men you can tell because you'll have a physical sexual response. In this way, men are more fortunate than women, who sometimes don't actually realize they're lesbian at first.
First: Stop freaking out. It doesn't matter if you like guys and/or girls. You stated in a previous post that you like women... so why is this something to worry about? It'll ultimately not affect your life at all... you'll just have a broader range of interests.
Take a step back. When or if you want to learn if you're attracted to men, examine that aspect when you would like to do so. Also, discuss this issue with your case worker if you have one. Yes, it's embaressing, but obsessing over anything is not good and you may need coping measures.
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Woollyhats Wrote:if you're attracted to men you can tell because you'll have a physical sexual response. In this way, men are more fortunate than women, who sometimes don't actually realize they're lesbian at first.
First: Stop freaking out. It doesn't matter if you like guys and/or girls. You stated in a previous post that you like women... so why is this something to worry about? It'll ultimately not affect your life at all... you'll just have a broader range of interests.
Take a step back. When or if you want to learn if you're attracted to men, examine that aspect when you would like to do so. Also, discuss this issue with your case worker if you have one. Yes, it's embaressing, but obsessing over anything is not good and you may need coping measures.
Yeah man I'm trying my best. Do u think identifying as straight but a Kinsey .5 or 1 will be good for now? Obviously I dint think I'm attracted to feminine guys. But it's hard to believe because my ocd. And I will definitely bring this up
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Apparently with your other posts this "gay thing" is problematic for you. Since you need to remind us you are OCD, are you actually indulging yourself in your illness or is this a real 'I have this problem and I seek a solution' which is outside of the 'Oh look I have a new obsession I want to share....'?
Quote:Well, I saw a picture of a guy. And I didn't feel nothibg. But the next day I remembered it and it gave me anxiety. Then after obsessing for a bit
Quote:Well, i have had ocd my whole life, as well as anxiety. it is very hard to deal with, anyways i began to question my sexuality,
(bold are my emphasis)
Let us define OCD here so we have a common frame of reference to work with:
Quote:Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by either obsessions or compulsions: Obsessions as defined by: Recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress.
To be clear on this matter, I know that a certain amount of 'feeding' OCD is helpful, it helps you to work through the episode and find some clarity and peace of mind. However all I hear from you is stressing out on your OCD aspect and having anxiety and questioning if your personal Gay Experience is a side effect of being OCD.
If I was your spouse I would give you one solid hour to sit there and rant on the subject at hand - whatever you are obsessing about, then I would hand you a pad of paper and pencil and have you list as objectively what you are feeling and what the subject matter really is.
Your rant hour is up honey, now its time for you to start looking at the issue with your fore-brain and start writing your lists.
In this thread there is this 'attraction' factor.
You are attracted to effeminate guys. Well for one that strikes me from ever actually being your spouse - IDK I do have delicate hands for a guy..... For another there are like billions upon trillions upon gazillions of effeminate gay guys in the world... Alight I do confess my astronomical number is a slight overestimate of the real numbers.
But lets face it, the common perception of what a gay man is is NOT the knuckle dragging, grunting masculine male, it is a guy who is delicate and sensitive and who understands in which order hair product is used, and who has a lisp and a swish and whose hand dangles as if their wrists are broken....
Now lets look at this with a bit of rationality, do you suppose that all of those effeminate gay men would remain effeminate if they were not getting positive attention (Boyfriends)? Clearly someone is attracted to effeminate fellows, or there wouldn't be so many of them in the world.
Yes I admit a lot of gay guys turn up the effeminate a lot, calling each other Bitches, Gurls, and using F abulous every other sentence, however there is a real leaning in gay men toward femininity which may tie into the whole ' gay brains are similar to straight women's brains'.
Quote:But I'm freaking out if I'm attracted to feminine guys.
With everything I said above, this seems to not be a problem, in fact if you are this attracted to effeminate gay guys apparently you have a very long, healthy sex life ahead of you with lots of potential mates.
Quote:Anyways I pictured myself being that guy. I'm freaking out, could I have mistaken wanting to be him for attraction.
If you are brain damaged to the point where you often mistake rocks for apples, pears and other delicious plant material, thus have a mouth full of broken teeth.... Then yes your mistaken.
I suspect, however, you are not brain damaged at all and know what it is you really want in life. IF you would stop allowing your OCD to take over and run your life and sit there and actually write down what it is you are feeling and then wait a day and go back and read what you wrote.
The thing about porn is that often enough the viewer places themselves in the position of one of the actors, and even straight guys who have nary an effeminate bone in their body get all confused because they find themselves identifying as the bottom guy getting his ass pounded by the 6-10 guys in the gangbang scene.
The thing there is power/loss of control, not actually 'My ass needs a good pounding' or 'my previous experiences in gangbanging remind me how good it feels to have 6-8 men essentially over use my butt...'
Its porn, its fantasy - and replacing real life with fantasy notions about what life is like never ends well. Seriously, guns hold only so much ammunition, and you can't be the Joker, nor do people actually fly across the universe in Starships... so why on earth would you apply reality to an erotic 'story' which is clearly made up. Never see any porn take a break to roll on the condom. Condoms don't magically appear.
So why would anything else in a porn movie have any bearing on real life?
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:Apparently with your other posts this "gay thing" is problematic for you. Since you need to remind us you are OCD, are you actually indulging yourself in your illness or is this a real 'I have this problem and I seek a solution' which is outside of the 'Oh look I have a new obsession I want to share....'?
(bold are my emphasis)
Let us define OCD here so we have a common frame of reference to work with:
'feeding' OCD is helpful, it helps you to work through the episode and find some clarity and peace of mind. However all I hear from you is stressing out on your OCD aspect and having anxiety and questioning if your personal Gay Experience is a side effect of being OCD.
If I was your spouse I would give you one solid hour to sit there and rant on the subject at hand - whatever you are obsessing about, then I would hand you a pad of paper and pencil and have you list as objectively what you are feeling and what the subject matter really is.
Your rant hour is up honey, now its time for you to start looking at the issue with your fore-brain and start writing your lists.
In this thread there is this 'attraction' factor.
You are attracted to effeminate guys. Well for one that strikes me from ever actually being your spouse - IDK I do have delicate hands for a guy..... For another there are like billions upon trillions upon gazillions of effeminate gay guys in the world... Alight I do confess my astronomical number is a slight overestimate of the real numbers.
But lets face it, the common perception of what a gay man is is NOT the knuckle dragging, grunting masculine male, it is a guy who is delicate and sensitive and who understands in which order hair product is used, and who has a lisp and a swish and whose hand dangles as if their wrists are broken....
Now lets look at this with a bit of rationality, do you suppose that all of those effeminate gay men would remain effeminate if they were not getting positive attention (Boyfriends)? Clearly someone is attracted to effeminate fellows, or there wouldn't be so many of them in the world.
Yes I admit a lot of gay guys turn up the effeminate a lot, calling each other Bitches, Gurls, and using Fabulous every other sentence
With everything I said above, this seems to not be a problem, in fact if you are this attracted to effeminate gay guys apparently you have a very long, healthy sex life ahead of you with lots of potential mates.
If you are brain damaged to the point where you often mistake rocks for apples, pears and other delicious plant material, thus have a mouth full of broken teeth.... Then yes your mistaken.
I suspect, however, you are not brain damaged at all and know what it is you really want in life. IF you would stop allowing your OCD to take over and run your life and sit there and actually write down what it is you are feeling and then wait a day and go back and read what you wrote.
The thing about porn is that often enough the viewer places themselves in the position of one of the actors, and even straight guys who have nary an effeminate bone in their body get all confused because they find themselves identifying as the bottom guy getting his ass pounded by the 6-10 guys in the gangbang scene.
The thing there is power/loss of control, not actually 'My ass needs a good pounding' or 'my previous experiences in gangbanging remind me how good it feels to have 6-8 men essentially over use my butt...'
Its porn, its fantasy - and replacing real life with fantasy notions about what life is like never ends well. Seriously, guns hold only so much ammunition, and you can't be the Joker, nor do people actually fly across the universe in Starships... so why on earth would you apply reality to an erotic 'story' which is clearly made up. Never see any porn take a break to roll on the condom. Condoms don't magically appear.
So why would anything else in a porn movie have any bearing on real life?
Not sure I fully understand what your saying or the point! But yes I do have an actual illness and i was diagnosed by the top psychologist in my state. And I always tell people I have ocd and anxiety in every post before I do my topic. I do not just obsess about my sexuality, this is only recent. I obsess over MANY things. Death, diseases, my family or friends dying, car crashes planes crashing, terrorist attacks etc...Anyways I'm not obsessing being attracted to feminine guys anymore! Now I know I'm not so I'm over the obsession phase. I'm when I obsess it happens and feeds my obsession like you said, eventually after an hour or two it's gone. So that is true. But just the things I obsess about, I even tell my gf and she just gives me that face..lol anyways thanks for your help! And for the record I
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Ok, to put it in lewd but direct terms
do you get a boner if you see a girl's body?
do you get a boner if you see a man's body?
if it's yes and no then you probably like the feminine part of feminine guys and not guys..
it's quite simple: there is a sexual response (quoting Kuma-Wooly) and a rather distinctive one when someone turns you on..
keep it that way, simple and logic and that way your OCD won't give you much trouble
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SouthB is hardly lewd at all;
Dick , Pussy, Both or none? Answer that and fuck everything else.
I have anti-OCD, its called 'NGAF' or "Not-Give-A-Fuck-itis" and its a very life affirming condition. Has helped me avert many a bull shit over the years.
There really is no need to try and conform to a "type". It's just like putting a sticker on, it's cute, gives you a distinction, but at the end of the day, it'll peel off leaving you the same way you were before.
And by the by, Feminine men are the best men, just sayin :p
#Team FemBoy :hugs-and-kisses-smi
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ocdDan Wrote:Yeah man I'm trying my best. Do u think identifying as straight but a Kinsey .5 or 1 will be good for now? Obviously I dint think I'm attracted to feminine guys. But it's hard to believe because my ocd. And I will definitely bring this up
Yes, I seriously think that's okay and normal, a lot of straight people are actually comfortable and can spot a good looking guy. I score a 5 on that test half the time, and I'm gay, so you can see that the test is a crude estimate.
But importantly, you can tell with a score of '1', that you definitely ARE or LEAN straight. Do you like effiminate guys? I don't know. But if you like guys and girls, you don't have to go out with a guy if you so choose not too. It's nothing to be afraid of. Letting go of the fear may help some.
If you can't stop obsessing, you'll have to become comfortable with the topic until it's no big deal (Example: I used to have a phobia of being consciously aware of myself blinking, and I would get worked up and be manually blinking for quite a long time --- it ended of course, when it just eventually got boring and I was distracted by other topics. Now it's not big deal), or develop stratagies to minimize or eliminate the obsession. One way to do this might be to let go of the labels gay, straight, and bi, and just adopt a "I will fall in love with the right person, whoever that may be" mentality.
Importantly, if possible and if it's not going away, talk to whoever diagnosed you with OCD about the problems, or whoever you're currently seeing. Gay or not, you are obsessing, so it'sa problem they can help with.
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It occurs to me that none of you seem to know anything about OCD. Even you Dan. No you're not freaking out. You're obsessing, because that's what you do. It's what you always have done, and what you always will do. In another thread you said "Can I label that as just curious? Either way then I can put it to rest." But if you have OCD, you know you will never put it to rest until something much more important for you to obsess over comes along, and maybe not then either.
ocdDan Wrote:Im freaking out about my sexuality, because my friend called me gay as a joke but I have ocd ... I'm freaking out if I'm attracted to feminine guys... I have ocd remember...
I have OCD, and I'm attracted to feminine men, and to masculine women. Those last two are probably related, but it never even occurred to me that the OCD was related to either of the others. It also never occurred to me to preface any of my posts with "I have OCD." If this forum were about OCD, that would be different.
Excuse me for sounding cavalier about either of your problems, but this is only another chapter in your OCD-laden life. A tragedy for sure but it still doesn't connect the two issues.
As for Bowyn, it's clear that you've done some research on OCD, but you haven't gained any real understanding of it. Otherwise you wouldn't say things like "IF you would stop allowing your OCD to take over and run your life." That's what disorders do, they run people's lives. "...work through the episode and find some clarity and peace of mind." Clarity? maybe. Peace if mind? never. "...I would give you one solid hour to sit there and rant..." But OCD never stops. It's like the energizer bunny.
And Woolyhats, everything is something to obsess over to someone with OCD. It's not freaking out or worrying, and there's no reason needed, it's just because it's there.
Same applies to southbiochem, "...your OCD won't give you much trouble..." By definition a disorder gives you trouble. It's built into the definition of any "disorder" that it interferes with you being able to live your life. Otherwise it's not a disorder, it's just a personality type.
If I'm being pedantic, I apologize, but our new-found over-familiarity with ADD & OCD leads us to think that disorders are small bumps in the road, and they can be talked out or gotten over, when actually they are serious issues that plague people all their lives. My brother was institutionalized for several years at a young age with OCD. Then again as a teenager. That was 30 years before anyone had heard of it. He wasn't "cured" either time. I imagine they concluded that they couldn't provide any help for him, and so released him. He continued to have problems the rest of his life.
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