Pride Flags... what are your thoughts?

[Wade]

So for some reason I can't stop being pissed about a thread on reddit.

Here's the pic:

Here's the comments: http://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/co...yesterday/

Most of the comments are a real bummer and all follow the sentiment of "I don't care what you do, keep it to yourself" which I think is the new way to be homophobic and still get away with it. So I wrote this:

So I'll say things. I'm an openly gay guy who is what you'd call "straight acting." I don't see my sexuality as a defining aspect of my identity. But as of three days ago I started wearing a rainbow bracelet with the word "pride" on it, and here's the thing... it makes me feel good, and I'll try to explain why (in a long winded way):

It's tremendously liberating for personal reasons. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable wearing something like that because I've always worried that it would make straight people uncomfortable and I never wanted to be one of those annoying "bad" gays. But a few days ago some people at my college who I was near were making very loud, and very cruel, gay jokes (not the good natured "hey I'm an accepting person who's cool with gay people so this is totally acceptable" kind of gay jokes... just the "being a dick" kind) and I felt that they probably would not have made such jokes if they knew I was gay. So that's one reason. As stated previously, I don't think that me being gay is important factor in who I am as a person, but sometimes I think it's important that people know that I'm a gay person... if that makes sense.

More reasons: Growing up gay, I saw no other openly gay people in my schools, so for all I knew I was the only one, and that really blew. So I think visibility is important. My dumb bracelet is not just to tell straight people I'm gay, but to show other gay people who haven't come out of the closet yet that there are others like them and that it's okay not to be ashamed. When I was in the closet I would have loved to see more visibility.

As a heterosexual person, you never have to think about someone mistaking your sexual orientation. You may be thinking, "Yeah well, I wouldn't care if some thought I was gay because it doesn't matter" and I would believe you believe that. But try to take my word for it... after a lifetime of people always automatically assuming you're a certain sexual orientation which you are not... it gets really fucking old.

What we are now experiencing is "acceptance fatigue." You're straight, you have no hate for gay people, you're a good person, so you're thinking "why do I have to have this shit shoved in my face all the time???" But please try to be patient.

Speaking for myself, I choose to fly the flag, so to speak, because I don't want to feel like I'm keeping a secret anymore, not to piss off anyone or to segregate myself from the rest of society. I believe we will one day get to a point where flags aren't necessary and I look forward to that day, but I don't think we're there yet. That will be the day when there will be no more "firsts" in gay history, when no parents are shocked or bummed out when their kids come out and when the assumption is no longer "straight until proven otherwise."

The End.

Sorry it's so long. I just really needed to get this off my chest... twice, I guess. I'm not sure why. I'm frustrated at being the only gay person I really know. The few gay people I sort of know at my college seem to treat me with contempt for some strange reason (which is another reason I chose to wear the bracelet. "See??? I'm one of you! Please accept me!").

I don't know what I think really. This is all really rambling, I know. Just... I don't know.

[MisterTinkles]

You know I love you to bits Mr. Wade, and you have your right to say and feel as you do...........
so dont kill me when you read this....


"Flying the flag" IS shoving your opinion down someone else s throat. You are forcing your lifestyle, your opinion, and your viewpoint on others. Whether they feel the same way or not, is irrelevant. You are forcing yourself onto others.

It is the same as flying the Southern Union Jack Flag. You are forcing your beliefs onto someone else, who did nothing to deserve it.

Not all flags "stand" for something, but some do stand for specific feelings and opinions, such as the Union Jack and the Rainbow Flags.

Do you like it when someone shoves their opinion down your throat?

Why do you feel that your personal life and personal preferences are something that NEEDS to be advertised in public? Its nobody elses business but yours, but when you fly your personal opinion and private life in public for all to see, you should expect some backdraft.

I don't want to know someone else's personal preferences or what goes on in their personal life, unless they are a friend and want to talk about such things. But its not going to be at a podium, with the loudspeaker on, in front of the news anchors of CNN. Its going to be private, as it should be.

I do NOT understand this self-destructive need for people to air their personal lives and opinions in public and online. As many, many, many people are learning.....it only serves as coming back to bite you in the ass.


That is all.

[Wade]

I understand what you're saying.

I personally don't mind when people "shove their opinions down my throat." I think it's great to be honest. I love getting door to door Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm always very civil and listen to what they have to say, and then I ask for them to listen to my thoughts on the matter. I think the only way to combat harmful speech and opinions is with good speech and accepting opinions. The marketplace of ideas, and all that bullshit...

And here's the bottom line for me, and my feelings on the matter are definitely subject to change, but for the moment:

Everything I do in life is done to please other people... well, not so much anymore, but that's how I used to be until a few years ago. It's exhausting. This includes not burdening people with me telling them I'm gay. I have no delusions in the matter either. I know that my sexual orientation is important only to me... most people couldn't give a shit. And that's great! But for the ones that would be offended by a flag or bracelet or whatever... I figure, fuck em'. They're not worth my consideration anyway (at least in terms of their squeamishness). The truly accepting people are the ones who don't bat an eye at such proclamations.

This conclusion is the result of many years of thinking the matter over and a long time of holding the same feelings as yours. But I just don't care anymore about not pissing off overly sensitive heterosexual people who claim they "have no problem with gay people" but vocally proclaim that they think they should basically stay in the closet because... yucky.

[dfiant1]

I actually sit between Wade and Tinkles.

I don't care either way if you fly a flag or don't, and if someone thinks that flying a pride flag should be 'kept in the bedroom' has obviously never experienced true love (Because anyone that knows what love is can actually separate love and sex and realise Love and displays of affections of all sort needs to be displayed publicly because glassing each other is not a good look), and walks around with knuckles dragging on the ground beating their chest and seeing women as sex objects that should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen.

[MisterTinkles]

Well..............if you are doing it to piss someone OFF.........then thats a WHOLE nother ballgame!!!!

Imma all for pissin people off!!!!

[MisterTinkles]

I actually sit between Wade and Tinkles.

Hmmmm...............that sounds like you are sitting between two kids who cant hold their pee.

[dfiant1]

Hmmmm...............that sounds like you are sitting between two kids who cant hold their pee.

You're saying that like it is a bad thing?

[HumbleTangerine]

In a world completely rid of homophobia, the pride flag loses its purpose, but that's far from happening. I can't believe there are people out there, seemingly honest good people, who can't see the difference between the pride frag and a proposed "straight flag". It's the whole "You don't see us creating STRAIGHT pride parades so why should the LGBTQ community do so?" argument reduced to an even less significant flag level.

It's cool that you like wearing the flag. Besides, I don't know how homophobic your place of living is, but it's very possible that there are closeted homosexuals around, even at college level. I guess it's always a good thing having closeted gay people know others exist functionally and openly.

[BYoNexus]

You know I love you to bits Mr. Wade, and you have your right to say and feel as you do...........
so dont kill me when you read this....


"Flying the flag" IS shoving your opinion down someone else s throat. You are forcing your lifestyle, your opinion, and your viewpoint on others. Whether they feel the same way or not, is irrelevant. You are forcing yourself onto others.

It is the same as flying the Southern Union Jack Flag. You are forcing your beliefs onto someone else, who did nothing to deserve it.

Not all flags "stand" for something, but some do stand for specific feelings and opinions, such as the Union Jack and the Rainbow Flags.

Do you like it when someone shoves their opinion down your throat?

Why do you feel that your personal life and personal preferences are something that NEEDS to be advertised in public? Its nobody elses business but yours, but when you fly your personal opinion and private life in public for all to see, you should expect some backdraft.

I don't want to know someone else's personal preferences or what goes on in their personal life, unless they are a friend and want to talk about such things. But its not going to be at a podium, with the loudspeaker on, in front of the news anchors of CNN. Its going to be private, as it should be.

I do NOT understand this self-destructive need for people to air their personal lives and opinions in public and online. As many, many, many people are learning.....it only serves as coming back to bite you in the ass.


That is all.

Actually, wearing a symbol of some aspect of yourself isn't "shoving it down others throats" especially something as innocuous as a bracelet. Its like someone wearing a cross necklace (Or other holy symbol) isn't shoving their religion down your throat. Its a personal accessory for One to express something about themselves to others.

If someone is offended by it, that's their fault for being offended. Its not the fault of the individual that others find a symbol of pride, equality etc offensive. If it were something like a swastika, that's more understandable (unless they're Hindu or some other culture that uses it besides the Nazi implication).

[Wade]

In a world completely rid of homophobia, the pride flag loses its purpose, but that's far from happening. I can't believe there are people out there, seemingly honest good people, who can't see the difference between the pride frag and a proposed "straight flag". It's the whole "You don't see us creating STRAIGHT pride parades so why should the LGBTQ community do so?" argument reduced to an even less significant flag level.

It's cool that you like wearing the flag. Besides, I don't know how homophobic your place of living is, but it's very possible that there are closeted homosexuals around, even at college level. I guess it's always a good thing having closeted gay people know others exist functionally and openly.

I really appreciate hearing (reading) this, seriously. I can't fully articulate why, but that stupid bracelet actually makes me feel good about myself; more confident and lighter somehow. I know I'm probably making it into a bigger deal than it deserves, but it's the truth.