Boyfriend's Blog

[tjmc]

Thanks for the opinions. It's interesting that I am immediately villainized as "controlling." Or that because he was blogging when we met, I should have assumed it was some part of his core character and he would do it forever. If I were controlling, I would have demanded that he not blog, which I never have. As I said, the deception is the core issue. He simply needs to tell the truth. Does it bother me that apparently the paragon of beauty to him is a teenage Asian boy? It does, and admittedly that could be a lack of confidence on my part. As Woollyhats said, he can still feel this way and love me. Could it speak to a communication issue that he doesn't tell me because it's a hobby of his that I don't prefer? Absolutely, I've brought this up before. And I have tried to talk to him about the cell phone, and he gets a panicked look in his eyes and shuts down.

As for privacy, I don't see how a public blog is a private issue. He has photos of himself, where he attends university, his name, and other biographical info on the blog. So, this should be a private matter between the two of us, when he is sharing this with the public over the internet? Furthermore, the "painting toenails" comparison is not appropriate. With all of this information out there in public, this could affect me.

I can't fault any of you for not having the full picture, because I didn't lay out in detail. Just for curiosity's sake, here is a little update for you all: I had never fully examined the blog, because as I said, I wasn't controlling him or demanding he not write it. This afternoon, I scanned through it and found more pics of him, including partial nudes, as well as offers to show people more if they messaged him privately. And... a reference to having a date with someone, that was clearly not a reference to me.

[Rainbowmum]

What ever happened to privacy?

Seriously you do not own him ,live and let live ,it's not like he is cheating on you.
Don't turn this into a major issue ,it's not worth the heartache of an argument.

[tjmc]

@Rainbowmum, can you explain why you think his public blog should be private from me?

[tjmc]

Can someone elaborate on the opinion that his public blog should be private from me?

[loserguy]

You have to realize that people are different and what one person might do another person might not?
It is good for people to have their own time and space.
As to why he lied about the blog?
Probably because he knew you would react in the way you have?
He is not cheating, nor is he emotionally cheating and you need to give him space to pursue it!
I do not agree with the other posters about you being immature but I do believe that you have shown us that you are very sensitive and insecure about the whole thing.
Should you have words with him about it, you are in fact trying to control him.
Bad and unhealthy for both of you!
If you can't trust him, leave him.
But everyone needs space. If you try to invade that space I can see this ending in tears.

So what do you do?
Take a deep breath and develop some other interests that way both of you can devote that time away from each other and it might help you appreciate him and his loyalty to you a little more?

[tjmc]

Why am I to blame for his deception? I've told him things before that he wouldn't react to well. Not only that, never have I blown up at him about it, demanded he discontinue it, or otherwise been controlling.

Read my update: his innocent blog "hobby" had offers to show his full frontal body to other guys, as well as an excited post about a date with someone who isn't me. I know none of you have the whole scenario, but it is interesting that most people assume it is innocent. Where there's smoke, there's fire.

[dfiant1]

then it baffles me why you are asking for advice when you already have your own answers.

And if you want accurate answers, it is always good practice to ask accurate questions so you don't have to get all huffy because people are trying to help and you aren't getting the advice you want But then again if you already have the answers we can only assume that you are seeking attention?

[Lorenzooo]

Getting catty in here.

[loserguy]

That's different!

In that case I would have words!

[tjmc]

Dfiant1, you may consider that I have the whole situation in my head, so a post that seems clear to me may not be to others. Nor was I trying to lay out my whole life, but a quick summary. If I wasn't clear, you could have requested clarification, instead you never offered advice but said you have a problem with people (me) complaining about a situation you believe they should have predicted. Others offered advice, and I wanted a more detailed explanation of their opinion and asked for that. I don't read my boyfriend's text messages or eavesdrop on his phone calls, or have his PIN number as one poster mentioned. To me, a public blog is exactly that, public. So, I asked for them to elaborate why they felt I was intruding on his privacy.

As for the answers, they came only recently and it should occur to you that I am dealing with the impact of finding out my boyfriend cheated and venting a bit.