Depression

[Drkmcnamara]

Valentine's Day always makes me super depressed because it reminds of lonely and loveless my own life is, especially compared to the twinks in my area who all think I am ugly and who all seem to have a guy to cuddle on, love on, kiss on etc. VD day SUX!

[Drkmcnamara]

Not to mention all of this is actually making feel suicidal. I need to find pointers on how to plan for that too if I am forced to take my own life

[Vigarde]

I honestly think there's nothing to worry about, being single on Valentine's Day (or any other day). There are people who don't have a mother for Mother's Day, or a father for Father's Day. It's not going to be the end of the world (and it's most certainly no reason to kill yourself).

The parts of the adolescent brain which develop first are those which control physical coordination, emotion and motivation. However, the part of the brain which controls reasoning and impulses - known as the Prefrontal Cortex - is near the front of the brain and, therefore, develops last. This part of the brain does not fully mature until the age of 25.

You've still a few years to go until your brain is fully developed, so don't act too rash. Give it a few years, and things, such as happiness and a boyfriend/husband, will come in time. In the meantime do things for you. Work toward your future and don't let silly boys get in the way.

Oh, and don't kill yourself. I had a really close friend who did that back in high school, and it sucked. It affects so many more people than you'd think it would, and still gets me emotional when I think about it (and that happened back in 2006). So... no doing that, okay?

[James]

Depression affects us all, some of you know I work on a suicide prevention site, young person I had worked with killed self by catching the front of a train, that affects the engineer of the train, his family and friends, those of us who talked with him. I do understand the pain that overwhelms the will to live, been there almost done that if someone hadn't stopped me. Life throws bad things at you at times, but there is alot of good out there as well. Amazing people do exist that make life worthwhile (I think most are on this site). Live life, change what you do, maybe the new experiances will open up an entirely new world of possiblities. Travel and see as this is an amazing world we live in, Jim

[ExpatBrit77]

Valentine's Day always makes me super depressed because it reminds of lonely and loveless my own life is, especially compared to the twinks in my area who all think I am ugly and who all seem to have a guy to cuddle on, love on, kiss on etc. VD day SUX!

I hear you. But to be brutally honest, wait about 10 yrs before you start getting depressed by Valentine's Day and being single. I'm 36 and haven't any romantic or sexual contact in nearly three years. Now THAT is depressing

[justbry87]

My Vday was actually okay, just spent it at home, made myself a really nice
dinner and started appreciating myself.

I know it's cheesy, but I always like to tell myself..

"I might be loverless, but I'm not loveless."

[Sylph]

Down here we dont really do depression and suicide and stuff. The last suicide I remember and know of here was nearly 16-17years ago, and funnily(only cause our island is so small) it was my cousin, so thats how I know.

Our culture I guess is too happy or carefree.

Try listening to Soca or something. It will get you up and dancing and happy. It works for me :p (theres a song in my sig of Barbadian Soca)

Also, Valentimes day is for the celebration of love. So try loving yourself ;3 No one can do it for you if you cant do it for yourself

[southbiochem]

Valentine's Day always makes me super depressed because it reminds of lonely and loveless my own life is, especially compared to the twinks in my area who all think I am ugly and who all seem to have a guy to cuddle on, love on, kiss on etc. VD day SUX!

It's just another day.

Nothing more. I have spent every single valentines day alone and single..

I don't feel any less lonely on that day than in any other.

Honestly..

get your mind away for the fact that you are alone at the moment and live your life. You have plenty other things to go for and if you keep trying you'll find someone

[Evan88]

Don't get affected when people say you are ugly or what... some may find you attractive, some may find you not attractive and that's normal.

You just have to think of yourself, your own happiness, instead of comparing the situation of other people to yourself. Find ways to enjoy yourself even if you are single... I understand the feeling cause I'm single as well but i dont really care about others. I just dont care cause half of the couples im seeing on streets would probably break up soon for sure (haha bitter)

Hence, valentines is just another day, rather a corny day... enjoy your singlehood..enjoy the freedom

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well you need to find your niche in the Gay Scene.

In your profile which you filled out this month (February) you admit you just came out and you are now opening yourself to the scene.

Since you stated that no twinks are interested in YOU - I guess that means you have an interest in twinks???

Your profile says 'stocky' you really meant to say fat - didn't you? You look in the mirror and feel shame because you are fat. Am I right or not?

Truth. I think you need to look up the term Chub Chaser. You are 21 and according to your profile you do not have body hair... Is this due to the incredibly horrifying disfiguring fad of body shaving or is this just a natural occurring problem for you?

If you shave your body you may stop now. If you are able to grow anything along the lines of a pelt (torso hair) then I strongly suggest you look up the term Bear.

20 years ago I was the classic physical appearance of a twink. I was in my 20's back then, I have this incredibly hard time of getting mass to stick to my body, and back then I shaved my face in a daily scrapping ritual because I actually thought I had to. Back then I was very, very attracted to 'large' guys. I'm on the line between Chub Chaser and Bear Hunter... I gag a little on the vomit that rises to the back of my throat when I see ab-muscles.


There are a lot of twinks and twinkish like dudes out there who want a lot of man to hug and hold on to.

Therefore I submit that your theory: who all think I am ugly is flawed to a great degree.

You are 21. You haven't been around the block even once. You are new to being out, thus haven't met every scene out there. I bet you look hot in leather, and most likely if you started sporting a leather biker's jacket will find a bit more interest in you.

Your role in bed is 'undecided'. I suspect since you are attracted to twinks you are the more dominant fellow - which means 'top' which if you are a Top your value on the gay scene rises dramatically as there are so few tops out there compared to the many bottoms. Big guys looking to be with the little guy typically means a heavy leaning toward a more dominant personality.


Reading your profile it appears you are going to the WRONG places to find gay support. Clearly you are going to places where a lot of drunken Queens are getting together to be plastic clones of one another.

You are new to the scene, I assure you there is a niche you will fit into.

Finding that scene depends on where you live. The Annex seems closer to what would suit your 'type' - meaning the type of guy YOU are: http://sanantonio.gaycities.com/bars/tid/17/

If you have a biker's leather jacket and like wearing it, then do by all means wear it when going to that bar.

Yes there will be a lot of big burly guys there, but if you go you will most likely note a lot of skinny 'kids' who are also there seeking their own big burly husbands to keep them warm in bed (trust me when you are skin and bones staying warm is an issue).

There is one thing you can be certain of, a big guy isn't shot down at a leather/bear club.


As for how to do suicide, it is a balance between grinding up enough pills of the right type to make a 'pudding' that can quickly go down the gullet and knowing how to drink sufficient alcohol to help you sleep, then knowing how to secure a 33 gallon plastic trash bag to the neck to not allow fresh air in.

Understand the pills most likely will not kill you, they are there to force you to sleep so deeply and profoundly that by the time the oxygen runs out in the bag you are too heavily sedated to struggle as you die from like of oxygen....

The way I am saving for my next attempt is to get thrice times the recommended dose of heroin and inject all of it. Understand I have a few years training in self administering drugs to a vein so there is a bit of experience you will need to do that right - nothing worse than missing a vein and injecting sub dermal. In fact I have had this plan for over 20 years, which is why I never tried heroin, as I wanted to make certain that when that eventual day comes when I decide to opt out, I have absolutely no tolerance for heroin that it is effective and my OD is a successful shuffling off this mortal coil.

Been down the suicide route, I successfully died - twice, but the ER doctors got involved and apparently they practice a form of necromancy and can bring dead bodies back to life. And they did that twice in one night. The bastards.