Gay dating. Where do I even start?

[TonyAndonuts]

Okay so, I feel like I've changed a significant amount since I first came onto this site. I used to be a guy worrying if I might be bisexual because I enjoyed watching gay porn. Even though I did, I wasn't sure if it really meant anything because I didn't feel like I saw men in "that way" in real life, only in porn. Now it's a whole different story. Months later and I'm STILL watching gay porn, I stare at hot guys around me all the time, and I realized that I've actually always done this but tried to stop myself and think that it's nothing. While I used to lean toward being straight and the gay part of me not being important, now I'm leaning much more toward being bisexual or maybe even gay because guys seem to be my main focus lately; which really confuses me because I've liked girls for over 20 years and now I'm suddenly not as interested??

But the reason I still put myself under "Single Curious Man" and not "Bisexual" is because I'm still not sure if I can say for sure what I am since I haven't had any experience sexually or relationship wise. I'm not a very social person. All my life I've kept to myself and didn't want to interact with anyone else because all I saw around me were a bunch of loud and obnoxious morons. I've been trying to change that lately and be more social, but for the most part I still spend most of my time alone in my dorm room surfing the web or playing video games. Now, I do want a relationship. I really do. I'm 22 years old and never kissed anyone, I should probably step it up. But the thing is, I don't even know where I'd start, especially since now I'm interested in finding a guy too.

I'll admit, one reason why I want to meet a guy is because I'm curious if I'll actually feel something for the same-sex. Is my attraction to guys real or all in my head/penis? But it's not like I can just see a hot guy and go in for it. One, because I'm way too shy to even do that and two, because the guy is probably straight. Gay people don't just go around with a bell on their neck letting other people know that they're gay, so it's harder to actually find one. So my question is, how do I find one? I've heard about gay dating apps like Grindr which lets you know which gay people are in your area. But I've also heard that those apps can be dangerous. I am trying to actually take more action or I'll be single the rest of my life, but I also don't want to blindly leap into something I might regret later on. But even with the help of a gay dating app, I feel like my options might be limited. I'm a college student with no car, so I'm kind of stuck on campus. So my best options would be guys on campus, but I don't know how many there actually are. I went to one gay on-campus event once, but most of the people there were lesbians. So I get the feeling that there aren't very many openly gay male students on campus. I mean, I haven't used Grindr yet so maybe that'll tell me otherwise, but I'm also not sure if Grindr is even a good idea to use. I've heard bad things about it....

Sooo, yeah, I don't know where to start. What do you guys think? If you're in a relationship, where did you two meet? Are there any fellow college students that managed to find someone?

[Zero]

I would recommend using online dating sites, just to get a feel for what you might like and you'll know what the person's sexual preference is. I would not recommend Grindr for your first dating site experience though, that is more focused on hook ups and sex. I would suggest a site like okcupid, which I think is a more mutual website with more people looking for actual relationships. Any little bit of experience helps, so just try to give it a shot and see if you like it. Good luck!

[jimcrackcorn]

Dating sites are a good place to start. Google "Free Gay Dating Sites in Columbus".

You will probably be inundated by creeps who are only looking for sex, but there will be some nice guys also. Don't give up hope if you don't get any good ones within the first few weeks, cause sometimes it can take a year or two to meet the right guy.

Sincerely,
Jim

[marshlander]

How about seeking out other Gaymers in your area?

Just found this ... looks as though there is plenty going on. America's most under-rated gay city, eh?

I've never used Grindr. I think in practice it may not be as sleazy as journalists like to think.

Princealbertofb and I "met" as contributors to the discussion forum on UK Gay.com back in 2002. We became pen friends, then friends, then ... well you get the picture.

[Sylph]

You should start by dating me.

But really, you should just do like Marshlander suggested and like go to places you find that you like and will most likely come across someone who shares your interest and perhaps will even fall for you/you for them.

Love/a relationship can start anywhere realistically tho, so it'd be best to keep yourself open to just whatever comes, but don't be a ho :p

I'm 20 and still haven't found anyone, altho I live on a small island with homophobic men, so yeah, not the easiest thing lol, but just because you haven't kissed someone shouldn't make you feel someway or like you have to rush into something.

Haste makes waste as they say :>

[TonyAndonuts]

I'm actually attending college in Ypsilanti, Michigan right now. And honestly, I've seen very little of this town because I don't have a car and I mainly stay on campus. I don't exactly have a plethora of options. I did fiddle around with this app called Hornet, but when I search for people in Ypsilanti, all the results say that they're over 5000 miles away from my current location....okay....that doesn't seem right.

[marshlander]

I'm no expert in these modern matters, but I've never heard of Hornet. Maybe no one else in Ypsilanti (what a great name, by the way!) has either?

[Dreamer]

You've said you haven't a car... Are there public buses near your school campus, so that you can explore the area? If so, that would be a good start.

Other than that, do what you can to make some friends at school, even with some of the lesbians at the next gay function at your school. They probably know more gay guys that you can possibly get to know and date.

[Vigilias]

I'm jumping in without reading any of the other replies. Helps me focus on my own thoughts.

It seems to me that whatever you want to call your self, straight, gay, bi-curious you're limiting your options because you've heard that some of these apps can be dangerous.

I wouldn't say it's the app but some of the situations that people get themselves in to that can be dangerous. If you meet someone and your instincts make you uncomfortable you can break off the date without contacting him again. As long as you met in a public place with plenty of people around you'll be fine.

There's no rule that tells you what you must do and how far you must go with anyone even on a 10th date, set your boundaries and expect the other guy to respect them.

This is also a good way of making sure you meet as few arse holes as possible.

Get out there, have fun and enjoy yourself. Someone once said that we only regret the things we don't do...

Why are you still here reading this? Don't you have dates to make?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

So first off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with using any of these dating/hook up apps that you can get for smart phones. This is the 21st century, so use the tools available to you

What you have to do however is set yourself some standards, and make those standards clear in your profile. And include a face picture. Yes you will likely get some guys who will only be looking for sex but hey, you get those where ever you decide to look. There are safe hook up rules that you should follow whenever meeting someone for the first time. Search the forum, or open a new thread question if your not sure.

Ive just looked at one app (if you want the name message me) and put in your location, and there are a bunch of guys all within a reasonable distance. Some of them are even hawt:biggrin:

Clearly some apps are better than others, with the more popular ones obviously having more users.

Going along to your local LGBT meetings will help kickstart your socialising. Where there are gay girls, there are very likely gay guys not far behind

Good luck.

ObW
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