Davis Wrote:There's the thing that he's not really in denial. He realizes that he.is gay, he can say it and discuss it. Also, he is not dating girls and at least he told me he will not be with a woman either, as he realizes that's not gonna turn him straight. He just plans to spend his life alone. He strongly believes gay is wrong and he was like-if I can't like women, I won't be with a man either.
Him believing that being gay is wrong and denying himself to live a happy life is
denial. He might acknowledge the fact that he's gay, but he is denying himself
whatever else that comes with it, like happiness, acceptance, love, etc.. etc.
It is sad really, but hopefully he changes his thinking cause that's the only
thing you can hope for, unfortunately you can't help someone who doesn't want help.
It is very possible to take a personal vow of chastity. It is unfortunate, lonely, and a dry life, but many gays and lesbians choose it because of religious, cultural, and family pressure.
What is not possible is for him to change his sexuality; so hopefully he does not drag someone else into a marriage without real love and happiness. Especially when he seems to think the purpose of committed monogamous relationships are for woman to be baby factories. Seriously something that is cringe worthy.
Your friend may change his mind someday, but unless he does, this is a personal decision that no one can take away from him.
No, I wasn't in denial. I have known and known quite well I liked guys since I was 13.
I, like him, do not come from a religuous background (even when my country is overall conservative and Catholic).
Yes I thought it to be a bad thing. Simple as that. I had that exact same thinking "why me?"
I promised myself not to date girls to make up any cover, but I would also hide this, not date guys and just spend all my life alone.
so yes, you can do it but it will have consequences and not the good ones.
I did it, kept by my word, until mid 2013.
I collapsed, you simply cannot survive that kind of perpetual loneliness without it taking a toll on you. Trying to contain those feelings that you cannot possibly let anyone know if you want people not to know you're gay............to hold them inside forever is not quite possible.
Sooner or later 2 alternatives come up: suicide or give up and find some way to let it out.
For a while, a whole year for that matter I was considering suicide as a very very viable option.
Instead I jumped online and decided to try and get this out of my chest.
I found GS. I could for the first time in my life say the phrase "I am gay"...and these people don't know me in real life, so it was a safe way to do it cause my family would not find out.
5 months later my whole mental state has turned around. I had the guts to tell a guy about me. Slowly and carefuly I'll go out of here and live life.
I still don't want the family to know, I may even not tell them at all....
I believe he has similar fears and mindset. He thinks, right now, that he can go on like this, hiding what he is to not face the problems that come with it.
My best advice for you is to be as much as a close friend to him as you can.
He is already in a better spot than I was, he told you about him!
He can be safe around you and that's something he will appreciate.
Slowly but surely talk to him about how indeed does he plan to cope with being alone.
Don't force him to come out of anything, but it is important that he at least slowly loses this line of thinking.
You can even suggest he goes online to a place like this. These sites can give him the outlet to furhter accept he's gay without compromising his privacy!
I've heard it said so many times
Love is blind
So, why are you staring?
You say that love is all we need, well
Does that apply to me?
'cause I have found someone
That I think is beautiful
And I have fallen in love
And I'm telling you,
She means everything to me
She makes me feel nothing else matters,
Not even what the world thinks of me.
They told me when I was a little girl
"love's a pearl,
You're lucky if you find it"
So, share that precious beauty with the world.
Now, suddenly they say I've got to hide it,
But I have found true love
And there is nothing you can do.
Just try and stop me, just try and stop us,
Good luck to you!
'cause she
Means everything to me, she
Makes me feel nothing else matters,
Not even what the world thinks of me.
It's simple as can be
I love her, she loves me!
This is what everybody dreams of,
There's nothing to be afraid of
There's nothing to be afraid of
After all, it's only love
'Cause she
Means everything to me
She makes me feel nothing else matters,
not even what the world thinks of me.
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