Follow up to my story

[tiredofmyex]

Well, as some of you know, I joined this board last week with my story in the Introduce Yourself section. In a nutshell, my ex cheated on my, treated me like shit and now after a year, she has recently started to talk to me. I don't know why. After telling my story, all of you have said to stay away from her but yeah, I have been talking to her. Its all small talk but occasionally, I try and discuss all of her cheating and what she's doing now with this chick she is with. I feel uncomfortable talking to my ex. Its quite frustrating. I really don't have anything to talk to her about! So I had mentioned to her that I had a dream about Kim Kardashian and how we had sex. She always tries to one up me. She said Kim K is gross and that she's been with so many men. I tell her thats true but Kim K is my type but my ex criticizes anything I say about Kim or any other girl that I may like. She seems to think that the type of girls she likes is the right kind. She is constantly knocking what I say and it doesn't matter what we talk about, its either boring or frustrating to discuss anything with her at this point! I find myself getting more and more upset while talking to my ex. I am very angry at her for what she has done to me and even though she knows how badly she hurt me, she doesn't seem to care! I try to tell her how hurt I am and she just blows me off!

I don't understand why I can't just get away from her!

[Rareboy]

^ Because you aren't really trying to.

She feeds your anger.... and it seems as though you feel you need to be angry, because at the moment that is all you seem to have. I think that you are afraid that if you don't have this, you'll have nothing at all.

Hopefully the day will finally arrive when you wake up one morning and realize that you want to start living to be happy again instead of nursing your hurt and picking away at the scabs of your failed relationship.

Until then......all anyone can do is sit by and watch.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I don't understand why I can't just get away from her!

Honestly neither do I.

I know with myself that when I'm through with a person I'm seriously through. But then it takes a lot to get me to the point where I wash my hands of a person.

I am also the type who has no problem with setting a bridge ablaze. I do things spitefully, such as turn my back and walk away and then make certain to appear all happy and light and I'm doing well whenever others who may report back to the ex sees me or if the ex sees me. No matter how hurt I may be, I hide it and hide it well.

I'm real good at painting on a happy face to hide my tears:



:biggrin:

If it was me I would simply not talk to her, I would cock my head back and look down my nose at her and pretend (act) like I'm all happy and doing well and show her that I don't need her happy ass in my life to be happy.

Sure its not the truth, and its all about spiting her and one-up-man-ship and other not so nice things, but it does get the message across and I do get a bit of satisfaction out of burying the hatchet - in the middle their back.

With my third when he started sending me flowers and crap trying to 'win back' my heart (he still had my heart at the time), I laughed in his face.

Then I went home and spent the whole night crying because I really wanted to go back and be the couple we once were. But I knew that that couldn't happen because our relationship went seriously off the rails and it was just too dangerous and tragic to try to 'redo' it.

Mind this was the man who broke my heart, and my right ulna bone. To have gone back would have risked having other things broken...

You need to make a willful choice to not buy back into this product. And then you have to pretend around her that you are beyond her, you are pass this - even if in reality you desire nothing more than to return to those glory days of 'us'.

Unless, of course, you honestly know (not merely believe or hope) that you two can reconcile and actually get past the cause of the break-up without more things getting broken down the road.

We all act, we all pretend, we all lie. Most of the people who you see on the street smiling and pretending like life is grand are not having a grand life, they are just competing for the "Best Actor" award.

[tiredofmyex]

You are so right! I know for a fact that there is no way in hell my ex and I would ever get back together. It is just beyond all possibility! And its not because of me! Its because of her! She cannot stay in a relationship! She has never ever been faithful, to no one!

Being without my ex hurts but I know being with her will hurt even more! She just doesn't understand how badly her actions are and that's probably why I haven't quit her just yet but I know I have to! And I have to do it fast! Every time I talk to her, I get more and more frustrated! Even talking about stupid meaningless things. Its very frustrating!

Some of you have stated that her relationship with that other dumb fuck maybe on the rocks but it doesn't seem like that. I know in time, that relationship will fail. But I just want to make sure that when that time comes, I am really over her and I don't give her an option to possess my heart again!

[Rareboy]

You might want to start by changing your user name. Why let her define you?

[tiredofmyex]

I just got into a huge fight with my ex. I brought up how badly she hurt me and she gets sooo defensive! I also don't waste any time insulting her now gf. I call her every name in the book! Well, this pissed off my ex and now she is telling me that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Oh well, its not like we had anything to talk about anyways! As long as she continues to be trifling, there is no chance we can heal and at least have a friendship.

[Rareboy]

What do you want out of this woman?

An apology?

Do you plan on spending every waking hour of every day of the rest of your life trying to make her give you one?

Does trying to shit on her happiness now make up for what you feel she did to you?

Does yelling at her and calling her and her new GF names satisfy you in some way?

You will never be friends. Face it. And why do you want to be?

It is clear that you are desperate to have her as part of your life only in order to fan the flames of rage and hurt.

There are hundreds of wounded people who never seem to move on....who spend the rest of their lives being angry with an ex and telling everyone they meet for the next thirty years what a shitheel their ex was.. It dominates every part of their lives...to the exclusion of all else. Don't become one of those sad, bitter and toxic exes.

[tiredofmyex]

Geez! If you put it that way, yeah I guess that's exactly whats going on with me! I guess because I grew up with her, I expected better but I know I shouldn't continue.

I just don't know how to stop!

[ShiftyNJ]

It's possible to have addictive behavior towards another person just like a substance. I am not in a position to diagnose anybody, let alone a stranger, but it's something to think about.

What were the positive things about your relationship that you are missing, other than time and familiarity? I think if you were able to find other outlets for those, it would help take your mind off her.

[tiredofmyex]

When we first started dating, things were great! I've loved this girl for soooo long. She is very pretty and like I said before, the sex with her was amazing! She can be a good person. I don't know what went wrong! I know I didn't do anything to warrant her behavior. I think she has a huge problem with commitment! She doesn't know what it means to truly love someone!

When we first started dating, I felt like she loved me! It felt so real, very strong love! I had no idea things would end up the way they have! I don't know what her problem is!

I don't want to get back with her because I know it will continue to hurt but at the very least, I would like some sort of relationship with her. Maybe as friends. You see, both of our families are good friends and always around each other so that means my ex too! I don't know that cutting her off completely will even be possible!

So I have decided to stop talking to her. Not be cold or mean or anything like that. Just not be present in her life. When our families come together, I will probably just say hi to her and maybe chat with her about stupid mundane things, light banter perhaps but other than that, I can't be the same with her! I've tried to hard to be the best person I could to her. I gave her everything! I gave her my best! I would have given her the world! But she doesn't appreciate anything! She's extremely selfish! I know her background. She is a very difficult person! She grew up in a war torn country and she became desensitized at the atrocities that would happen in her country! I believe she carried that insensitivity into our relationship. So I guess all of this time, I was just trying to be sympathetic because of her background! When we were kids, she was the one nobody wanted to play with. I stuck by her! I was in love with her mind you but I stuck by her! I was the one that never left her! But now? Look at where I'm at with her! Our relationship is in shambles!

Now I feel like everything I ever did for this girl was worth NOTHING!!!! But I still love her! I wish I didn't. Its not easy to just say oh well, and let her go! Its very hard! I wish I knew how to let go!