Am I the only one who doesn't feel the need to 'come out' to family?

[Luke97]

So I know a lot of people put a lot of importance into coming out to their family and friends but at this point in my life I don't feel its necessary. I feel like my sexuality is my own business and my family will just have to find out when I bring home a boyfriend(if that ever happens) Part of the reason is fear that my family will not accept it but most of it is just because I like to keep things like that private. I plan on being open about my sexuality when I get to college, but for now, being at a religious school, I am completely okay with being in the closet. Is anyone else in the same boat as me?

[jpmachados]

In the beggining I didn't see the necesity to come out to my Family... but, when I met a guy that was nice and I want that he participate of my life I thought that the things became easier if my Family knows...

Nowaday, my mother knows, but my father doesn't... It's working but I can't hide so much time...

[Woollyhats]

No, I was a lot like you... .

I only came out after I had a boyfriend. I realize now that I lied by omission, but I don't feel guilty, I feel like I have a right to my personal privacy. Like you, I also never came out at school, and while I longed too I think it was the right choice. My school was religious, and while a huge amount of progress was made in regards to making it a safe place, confronting the harassment that coming out might have sparked would have required me to make complaints that would have reached my homophobic father, who I lived with at the time.

It IS easier once your family does know your sexuality, but it is equally difficult to come out.

It might be a good idea to set yourself some sort of deadline. For example, if you never get a boyfriend for whatever reason (I know, it's a depressing thought), you will eventually have to come out through the "I am gay" route, rather than the "I have a boyfriend route". I do recommend coming out because it relieved a lot of tension and stress... but if you'd be in any sort of danger, don't. And don't feel bad about it --- you aren't the one with a problem.

My advice is to come out when you are ready, and in the meantime not to miss out on any opportunities. If an opportunity for a boyfriend appears, do not let fear cause you to miss it.

I think your decision to not come out to your family is fine. If it's the right choice for you, it's as simple as that.

[Evan88]

Me...

It's my own business given the situation i am in...

I dont give a damn if people would think i'm gay because i never had a girlfriend, given im turning 23 this year

I dont know when will be the right time. Maybe when i would go somewhere far from here

[justbry87]

Me...

It's my own business given the situation i am in...

I dont give a damn if people would think i'm gay because i never had a girlfriend, given im turning 23 this year

I dont know when will be the right time. Maybe when i would go somewhere far from here

I know it's not my business, but sometimes I get surprised when I see or
hear of Filipino parents who don't accept their LGBT kid.

My parents have been nothing but accepting and so are my cousins and distant
cousins and family friends..

You don't have to answer.. This was just a tangent..!

[southbiochem]

I dont know when will be the right time. Maybe when i would go somewhere far from here

I get that phrase all too well. I know cause I think the same everyday. I will never be myself unless I get out of here.

For me, I agree with the OP more on the side of this: I went on too long with not correcting them. More than the fact I'm gay there would be trouble in the fact that I kept it from them for so long.

If they're not stupid which I think they're not they already know..if not, too bad..

it's too late and I'm economically independent from them, so if they figure out their own, whatever, but I ain't going to stirr problems by saying it now

My parents have been nothing but accepting and so are my cousins and distant cousins and family friends..

You have one fantastic family. Gives us all a bit of joy hearing families can be like that mile:

I suppose the same thing happens everywhere, you get families who are acccepting and you get families that aren't :/

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Everyone is different regarding their need to come out.

Do not feel pressured into coming out to people just because others are doing it, or because you feel the need to put it out there.

For a lot of people it can be a very liberating and positive thing to do, but for others it can be dramatic and have some horrible consequences, and once that particular genie is out of the bottle there is no going back.

As long as you can accept yourself for who you are, you stay in that closet for as long as you need.

ObW
X

[Pix]

I've told my granny as I tell her anything, but not anyone else. Granny asked that I didn't and I see her reasons why not. (I haven't told the 'rents but then I don't think they care one way or another, I simply don't matter enough to them.) It's rural East Texas Bible Belt (aka Behind the Pine Curtain) so it's best not to. The fact that they're over a thousand miles away anyway makes it extremely unlikely they'll "walk in" on me or something anyway. I can be ironically grateful for all those slut rumors I endured as a teen started by good Christians bearing false witness as they're so prone to do for making it easier to hide my sexuality today.

When I last visited during a horrid Texas heat wave tempers were short and an aunt of mine said it was "suspicious" that I was 28 and not married with kids yet. Being in a bad mood myself I sarcastically asked her for advice being that "you're such an expert, on your third husband and a kid by each one." That changed the direction of that but I'm pretty sure my family knows deep down yet remains in denial about it.

As for you...sounds like you're still a minor in the eyes of the law. It's absurd what parents in America can get away with in doing to their children, including in sending them to abusive Christian homes to straighten them out where you can be beaten, tortured, and even killed (they literally get away with it, though many did have to relocate outside the country after too many deaths). If you're already been sent to a religious school then I'd hope very much for your sake that you remain in the closet, at least until you're 18. Natch, if you depend on your parents to get through college then don't be surprised if they pull the carpet from underneath you if you come out then, too.

[James]

I was outed at a young age, made life extremely, ah, difficult, to use a nice term, that was in the 1960's. Times have changed a bit, but many parents still hang on to the old belief's. Plus many look to their offspring for grandkids and to keep the family line moving forward. I am sorry for those who cannot keep the connection with family after "coming out". The Los Angles lgbt center estimates that 40% of the kids on the street there are LGBT. That's a high number and having been in that situation don't recommend it to anyone. Number one rule "stay safe", I would have waited till I had someplace to call my own and self supporting at least, Jim

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well Luke... I guess that one is up to you.

However I warn you most people don't like surprises, and bringing home a Boyfriend is going to be a very awkward moment for the family.

For one thing it may be construed as manipulative, after all you spring this on them in front of a stranger, most family don't all break out in whatever displays of surprise, greif, whatever will happen in front of strangers.

So between not saying anything now and bringing a BF home (which will happen, happens to the worst and best of us), you are going to need to pull the family aside and give them a heads up.