Afraid of dogs, but the guy I like has a dog

[Anonymous]

Well, the thing is that I'm very afraid of dogs. This fear follows me for more than 15 years. I was bitten by a dog, when I was 7 years old and I cannot approach any dog since. No matter how nice and sweet the dog might be, I'm always worried, nervous and scared.

Now I've met this guy that I like very much. He doesn't know about my fear, because we never talked about dogs. I met him in the Internet and then in person. He's a wonderful guy and we've much in common. Then I came to his place for the first time and then it turned out he has large german shepherd. When I first saw it, I wanted to turn and run away. However we spent time together and then he went to the kitchen for a moment and I stayed alone with his dog. All the time the dog was sitting in the opposite side of the room and then suddenly it came to me. I was sitting motionless and didn't look at it, I don't know why it came to me. I was shivering and almost crying, as it sniffed me and pushed me with its head. It sat next to me and didn't go away anymore. For a moment I was sure it was going to rip my throat out. I wanted to yell for my guy, but I was afraid that might be the last thing I'll do. I don't know why did the dog come to me, I didn't pay any attention to it.

I haven't told my guy about my fear. I'm afraid he'll laugh about me - a grown man and afraid of dogs. What should I do?

[MisterTinkles]

The dog apparently liked you as well. Nudging you is a sign of "hello" or "pet me". Most animals dont do this unless they feel comfortable around you. He may have sensed your emotional state and come over to say "hey, dont be scared, Im a good dog".

Are you in the USA? If so, I would suggest going to the animal shelter or pet stores, and getting to know some puppies. Once you get comfortable with puppies, you can graduate to dogs.

In the meantime, talk to this guy about your anxiety with dogs. You dont have to tell him you are scared or anything like that, just tell him you are not much a animal person.

Be warned though, this could mean the end of what you have so far. Most pet owners I have met, just dont want anything to do with people who dont like pets....specifically THEIR pets.

I would try and get over your fear of dogs.......or at least THIS dog.




When I was about 3 years old, I got the shit scratched out of my face by a Siamese cat.
But I learned how to deal with that. I now prefer cats over other animals, as I am a cat fanatic.
I dont like Siamese too much, but I understand them now......so I know how to be around them.

[southbiochem]

In all fairness, that dog seems to be sweet..I mean he was clearly being playful with you.

But I get you.

I'm afraid you need to talk to him and put it straight "I have a fear of dogs" you can explain him your experience when you were young.

If he mocks you for that, then you probably shouldn't be dating this guy anyway.

If it all goes well you can agree on other places to meet and when at his olace he can leave the dog elsewhere.

[MisterTinkles]

Personally, I think it was extremely rude to invite you over and not put the dog someplace else...much less not telling you about the dog.

I've been invited over peoples house's, and they act SO "offended" when you walk in their house and then jumped on/attacked by their freeking monster dogs, and then I turn and leave.

Thats just brazen stupidity not to tell people you have pets in the house, much less will get mauled by them when you walk in!!!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I'm in the USA.

I don't know will I be able to overcome my fear. I want to do it for him, because I see he loves his dog very much. When I see a dog approaching me, the only thing I've in my mind is that it's going to tear a chunk out of me.

[MisterTinkles]

Yes, I'm in the USA.

I don't know will I be able to overcome my fear. I want to do it for him, because I see he loves his dog very much. When I see a dog approaching me, the only thing I've in my mind is that it's going to tear a chunk out of me.

If the dog was going to attack you, it would have done so by now.

The dog has shown you that it means no harm and wants to be friends.

How about this....
Tell him your feelings about animals, especially dogs. Tell him you want to get over this feeling, but you have never had anyone to help you with this issue.

See if he would be willing to help you find a way to get around being so afraid.

I've known some people who are not animal lovers at all, but they get to know their partners pets and deal with it.

If he is willing to help you get over this issue, its something that the two of you could do together. Not only a relationship builder, but something more personal for you.
It will also tell you if he is the type of man who will care enough about someone to put aside some time for them and help them out.......or if he's a player and isn't interested anymore because you dont like his dog.

I think the puppies approach would probably be best for you right now. Puppies are friendly to pretty much everybody and love everything.

If this is a decent man, he will be more than happy to help you out.

[Woollyhats]

Most dogs are friendly. What is the breed? Learning about the breed might help.

As a dog owner, I know it's natural for a dog to come and check out a new person, most dogs do this because they're excited to make a new potential friend. The dog sounds well behaved in that he didn't jump at or maul you with love.

Tell your boyfriend how you feel about dogs, he can watch it carefully or put it in another room. The latter isn't a permanent solution though, so maybe try to see about becoming friends with this one particular dog. What your boyfriend could do is have the dog on a leash inside, and you can pet the dog and give it a treat. If it reacts too excitedly and you seem afraid he can jerk the dog away instantly.

And dogs have individual personalities, though you can make generalizations about breeds. Imagining this dog as an individual person may help... you aren't trying to get over your fear of all dogs --- you are simply trying to become comfortable/friends with your boyfriends individual pet.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Seems like someone needs a bit of socialization and play time, then a long walk and some treats? Would treats make you happy boy? :tongue:

I'm owned or pwned by two dogs myself. I admit I would be reluctant to pursue a relationship with a person who hated dogs, but a person who had a fear due to an incident - I would want to know that, so I can adapt how the dog meets this person to meet the needs of that potential mate.

I am troubled that he, as a slave to our lord and master, Dog ~ he failed to mention that in his profile, in any of the talks. First thing that comes to my mind is he doesn't actually love this dog...

Everyone and anyone who talks to me sooner, than later, discovers I have the Ancient Dog (Rott/Black Lab mix, pushing 17 years of age hard) and the Yorkie/Schnauzer yappy ball of fat and fur.... full of sound and fury, signifying nothing....

I'm surprised he didn't mentioned this just because so many people are allergic to dogs. Furthermore as a dog lover, there is a natural bias to want to keep the dog haters away... A person who cannot abide dog out of hate (not fear) usually has other 'issues' which Dog lovers tend to find untenable in marriages....

As for your fear, there are therapy-ish type routes to take. Socialization where you are gradually introduced to dog in a safe environment, where over several meetings with the same dog, you regain trust by having a controlled situation where first you spend time with the dog in the room, then are given a chance to pet the dogs back, the dogs head is held/muzzled whatever it takes to make it clear dog can't bite you. over a few sessions you are encouraged to put your hand upon the head of the dog - yes THAT close to the teeth and jaw, and eventually it leads to your putting your hand in the mouth of dog.

Dog's mouth is their hand... dogs carry stuff in their mouth, will often gently put their "hand" around the hand of a human. in play nipping takes place - they dog knows not to bite down hard thus it is not true biting... These sorts of things you need to gradually be introduced to.

Your interpersonal relationship with a (just one) dog is possible. A lot more possible than you think.

[Anonymous]

It's german shepherd. I'm.especially afraid of large dogs like this one.

I've tried to tell him that I don't feel well when near dogs, but somehow I chicken at the last minute. These relationships mean a lot to me. What if he won't want to waste his time dealing with a coward like me.

[jimcrackcorn]

So much good advice already posted above, all I can add is:

Take your time to get to know your boyfriends dog, there is no quick and easy "overnight" solution to getting over your fear of dogs. It happens - one dog at a time.

Best wishes,
Jim