Trying to see the difference between sex between men in love and just hook up sex with regular partner outside relationship?
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I can't see how "friends with benefits" or casual sex situations can be compared to a relationship...
I can't help but think being friends with benefits or a casual sex partner is related to some desperate attempt to build a relationship based on sex in hopes someday it will become an actual relationship to one part, and the other... Well, I mean, it's sex.
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I would say this no sex for Austin ouside of a relationship, and no sex in a relationship till at least the 3rd date.
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I think it depends on those two involved but sex with loved one is better in my experience… definetly better, if its not you should look at your relationship, i think a bad sex life can have deeper implications of incompatibility, sex brings you closer, when you know what each other likes and dislikes you can just enjoy yourself and as you get more comftable you can try new things and discover more about yourself
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Sex with a one-night-stand is pure pleasure. Sex with a partner is both pleasure and an expression of love.
There's nothing inherently bad and nothing inferior in either of these. It's subjective.
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Pardon the bluntness for the first part:
Couples who are in a committed loving relationship tend to "make love" far much more than they fuck. One night stands, random hook ups, rarely make love, they fuck.
This isn't to say that a committed couple can't fuck - oh they can, they can also turn sex into a circus act of incredible animal lust and acts of perversion to make the Marque deSade blush. Up side to knowing your partner and sticking around is that you get to know all their buttons and can be a bit more open with them, thus raising the bar on the whole perverse thing.
However more often than not, and for the sake of everyone's sanity, hook-ups don't make love. When they do that usually leads to one falling in love with the other, and then he shows up here asking us how to make that one night 'fuck' buddy into a lover, how to trick him, seduce him... or it gets sadder 'But we made love, why doesn't he love me back?'...
Sex is complicated. It has levels and depths to it. It can be a violent, horrific act where one takes from the other (rape), it can be a gentle, loving act of such intimacy that people end up sobbing softly afterwards from the profound connection and love they feel. It can be raw, powerful and animalistic, it can be sadistic and masochistic, it can be about dominance and submission....
I'm going to assume that this is you trying to figure out 'why' your partner is doing what he is doing. I suspect that he has lusts mixed in with a lot of fear that his days as a 'stud' are numbered. These random encounters are him trying to demonstrate that he still has 'it' - masculinity, studliness, all of those things that we take for granted when we are immortal and in our twenties.
You two have been together for 11 years. I have no idea what he did in life prior to you - not many relationships? Then he may be feeling regret for not being promiscuous back in the day. He may feel he missed out on something. If he was promiscuous 'back in the day' he may be trying to recapture his youth.
I sincerely doubt he is 'making love' to these other guys. He is doing random hook-ups, that is all about the fucking - not the loving.
Again, sex is a very complex thing, it serves way too many purposes in our complex species.
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Hook ups is simply blowing off steam and immediate physical pleasure.
sex with love has more intimacy. I would assume in the long run it's more fulfilling.
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