Looking but no find insight

[MattR]

So I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months around 2-3 weeks ago at first it didn't feel bad but as time went on I noticed I started to feel worse everyday the sadness of being alone again creeping up taking a bigger step each day now I've gotten to the point of crying which I don't usually do I try to stay as strong as possible no matter what but it's..hard.
I guess I just want some reassurance that I will find someone the right someone some day probably not as quickly as I'd like but eventually until then if I could at least make the depressed and loneliness feelings go away I think I would be able to persevere.

[MisterTinkles]

You have to be happy with yourself and be your own best friend, before you can really have anything to offer anyone else.

Breakups always hurt, but the hurt goes away.

[Woollyhats]

^^^^

If you can't best your negativity now, it'll carry over into future relationships, which I am sure you'll have. It's normal to feel the way you feel, you're in the depression stage. It will pass, so why not find some positive outlets while you're waiting to feel better? Being active with your life will reassure you that you can be happy alone, and a relationship will just add to that.

[findingmyway]

Being happy with yourself is a difficult task to do. I would be the world's largest hypocrite if I told you to love yourself. When relationships end, a lot of people point to ourselves as the reason why it ended. We perceive something as wrong with us, something we did that caused the relationship to end. But what about those months before the relationship turned sour. I am sure that there are a lot of things that he saw in you that he valued. Otherwise, he wouldn't have stayed. And I am sure those things are still there. Just because he doesn't appreciate them, for whatever reason, doesn't mean other people won't.
Maybe I'm just rambling on and this is not related at all to what you are going through.... Just thought I'd say this.

[Lycanthropist]

Yes, the hurt does subside eventually. You're very young. You will find someone to live your life with. I know for myself, hindsight being 20/20, I would have done a great many things differently and tried a bit harder with certain people and situations. You have a great many years to live, so don't rush in to anything. Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it.

Cheer up, Buckaroo, you'll get through this!

[southbiochem]

You're 20........

that gives you a HECK of a lot of time to find someone.

You're only starting life, there's more for you to live. More happiness and some more hert-breaks probably.

It's ok to acknowledge the loss and be sad. It's normal. Give yourself the time to be sad, cry, let it out.

Eventually the pain will be less and you'll move on.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months around 2-3 weeks ago at first it didn't feel bad but as time went on I noticed I started to feel worse everyday the sadness of being alone again creeping up taking a bigger step each day now I've gotten to the point of crying which I don't usually do I try to stay as strong as possible no matter what but it's..hard.
I guess I just want some reassurance that I will find someone the right someone some day probably not as quickly as I'd like but eventually until then if I could at least make the depressed and loneliness feelings go away I think I would be able to persevere.

Feeling worse days, weeks, months after an event is pretty typical. Understand that most humans raise shields and react to pain by numbing things out. Now that you have the distance of time between you and the event, your brain is now able to start processing the event.

Those emotions you are going through are part of the human experience. Yes as a matter of fact being humans sucks - this is why I swear I am half elf just so I don't have to admit to myself that my drinking alone is a sign of a serious case of humanity (ergo suckiness) and that its actually fun to drink alone..... :biggrin:

The process of getting through 'all of this' is necessary for you to grow and learn and become more as a human being. Yeah it hurts, but it won't hurt forever.


As for reassurances... I wish I could say that will find the right man someday - however my experience has been (thus far, hope springs eternal) a bit less than what I hope for...

Again hope springs eternal. I understand that when it comes to relationships experiences vary depending on the person - I know and have known a few people who have entered into remarkably happy relationships which were incredible in their duration and the amount of love they had for one another.

I also know of people who ended up in the extreme opposite situation. Those are, from what i have seen, rarer than the other side of this coin.


So there is hope, there is a reasonable statistical favoring that you will find 'The one' and find long term happiness and contentment with them.

Right now it all looks hopeless and meaningless and like you will just die without love.... Trust me, you will live.... I know it doesn't feel that way... but you will.

Let yourself go through this process, experience it (even wallow in it a little).

[MattR]

Thank you all for the advice and support I am feeling better with a goodnight's rest I realize that I was suppressing what I felt at first when we broke up and it all came out in one negative burst of depression and sadness which I guess is good than holding it all in I'll try to keep my head up and keep hoping that I will find "the one"

[Axanderb]

I was in a year and a half relationship with someone who fell out of love with me when I had made them my world. It's super difficult when someone takes up that much of your time and then is suddenly absent. You have basically lost your best friend and you feel a void start to creep up on you and your emotions.

CRY....cry as much as you can...it's your bodies way of releasing toxins and bad energy. When you cry your tear ducts expell certain hormones that are in ties with your emotions.

Seek counceling. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with going to a counselor after becoming newly single...especially if the relationship was long term. You may need to have someone to help you show yourself that there are many reasons why relationships end...and many reasons why you should continue to move on.

You'll find someone...but right now it's time to reflect and work on ourselves. Become the best you you can be so that when "that guy" comes around you'll be everything he's looking for. If you can identify flaws in your relationship behavior...try to develop a plan to alter your behaviors...i'm not saying change who you are...i'm saying change how you interact. (only if that applies to your situation obviously)

[Evan88]

It's normal to feel that way...

Yes it is not easy, it was never easy but now that you are single again, focus on yourself again.

And you are so young, there are plenty of time to find another one...but it must be on the right time, when you had fully let go, and no more feelings at all for your ex

And I agree with cry cry cry..let it all out

Now focus on yourself, you are already with yourself since the beginning of time and you were happy with it. Give yourself more time, love yourself, improve yourself. And when you least expect it (since you are so happy with just yourself) it might come..