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How do I find LGBT friends / relationship
#1
I've tried litterally everything looking for a GSA club at my college (there isn't one) I've looked online and I've only found 1 person with actual substance but they ended up living cross state. Everyone else I've seen/talked to is ether far beyond my age or all they are looking for is "fun" and anytime I open up a conversation I'm not 2 messages in before I randomly get sexted or sent a picture . I stay away from clubs and bars for two reasons 1.I have no one to go with and I can be very shy at first and 2. I'm afraid it'll just be a physical version of online. So is there any advice that anyone has where I can build a friend group or an actual relationship and what's a good opening when aproaching someone online if they they're profile gives you little or no intereats to start a conversation.
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#2
Good question. I have yet to find out myself. My solution was to join this website, so you made it as far as me.
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#3
...maybe try this?

http://www.meetup.com/Gay-Tampa-Bay/

Lex
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#4
In my experience, you're going to find the majority of men your age (whether or not they're gay) are NOT interested in more than having a good time. It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is. Hormones, societal influences, etc.... yeah?

That said, there -are- those out there looking for more substance. Most of them are -not- going to be advertising they're gay, tho. Why would they if they're not looking for dick, yeah?

So my advice would be to take the "gay" out of the equation if all you're looking for is friends. And if you're looking for something more (a long term partner), you're going to have to sort through the chaff to find the wheat, yeah? And there's a hell of a lot of chaff out there, but just keep in mind.... the wheat -is- mixed in there too.
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#5
You are in a similar boat as myself. I have always had trouble getting a toe in the door in a new location, but usually the right person comes along who starts introducing me to other people.

Mind that person doesn't have to be gay to be the perfect introducer.

And yes, pretty much bars and clubs are much like online apps - a lot of gay guys go to get laid.

Through the years I have done other things like pursued hobbies and interests. For instance for years I was part of a group that would do day and over night hikes/back packing it was a kinda sorta club which lead to meeting interesting people, yes gay ones too.

Don't underestimate the power of straight people. Believe it or not they can be decent, good people too. Sure its not the 'gay scene' all the time, but if you are not into partying and casual sex then you may not be well suited to the 'gay scene'.

A lot of gay guys are not or don't do the scene because the reasons you listed. We tend to have mixed friendships and that tends to lead to being introduced to other gay guys who don't center their lives around their homosexuality.

As for a mate/partner/husband - love has a tendency of showing up at the worst possible time, and it tends to sneak up behind you and bash your brains in with a baseball bat. For some odd reason the more a person WANTS to be in a relationship the harder it is to find one. The more the person just wants me time, the more likely it is that some person walks in their life and suddenly upsets that.

Murphy's law or something at work here. Wink

You're young, 20 is awfully early to be wanting to set down roots and get into a committed relationship. And its way hella early to start dispairing that you have a future of being the cat lady in your neighborhood. :tongue:
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#6
I understand most people my age just want "casual fun" and i'm no exception to the hormones but i'm not seeking to fully settle down with someone i'm willing to spend my life with (unless I come across that person ) I'm more or less ignoring these hormonal urges to try to find an actual relationship because all my friends have had a year or more long relationship and I have yet to have one . I've had nothing but causal experiences with both sexes and id like to see what its like to actually date and "fall in love" vs just a quick get off
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#7
LOL… everything [MENTION=20738]TwisttheLeaf[/MENTION] and [MENTION=12444]Bowyn Aerrow[/MENTION] said. Pay attention to all of it.

In the mean time, if it works at all for you, feel free to keep posting here at the forum and getting to know us. I know it isn't the same thing as IRL friends but we are real people, just not in your neighborhood. We vary in age quite a bit but there are 20s (and younger) guys who 'hang out' on this forum.

FYI, I've never been apart of the "gay scene" but over the years I've made many gay friends. This didn't really begin in my 20s though, but later on in life. Eventually I had not only a partner but a whole social network of gay friends and acquaintances that numbered over 100. For me, this did not entail going to bars or clubs or any of that but that's another story. Suffice it to say things change throughout your life.

And I agree with Bowyn Aerrow's point… not *all* my friends are gay. I have a lot of straight friends of both genders. All that said, at my age I prefer to live a fairly quiet and low-key social life. You, on the other hand, should be having *some* fun… What do you do for fun, or simply because you enjoy doing it?
.
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#8
Hey, don't be so fast to blame it on Tampa, guy. There''s a big and diverse gay community there. It took 6 seconds to find two good links to help you find other resources.

Metropolitan Community Church of Tampa
408 East Cayuga St. Tampa, FL 33603
PHONE: (813) 239-1951 FAX: (813) 938-7371

PFLAG

And that's just a start. The Tampa/St Pete area is full of gay people, gay businesses and gay organizations. On McDill AFB there they even have an organization strictly for gays. Last I heard a couple of weeks ago there were over 1,000 who've already gotten married there.

But this is a familiar type thread in here and other forums. The new person comes in whining about not being able to find someone or anyone to hang out with because they

A. They have no one to go with and can be very shy at first.
B. They're afraid it'll just be a physical version of online.
C. They don't slut around and want to be a virgin until they meet the right guy
D. Everyone in the world is shallow and out for nothing but sex.

The world is not going to revolve backwards for you. It's not going to even slow down while you whine about things you don't like.

That leaves you with two options.
1. do something about breaking out of your own limitations in order to get into the mainstream of howALL people your age, gay, straight or whatever socialize and meet each other

OR

2. Do nothing but whine about it all and chase off people who get tired of listening to it.

The only person you can change in this world is yourself. If you want the world to change, change yourself anf it will seem like a whole new place.
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#9
I met most of my gay friends at parties or at nightclubs most of my life. Now...online...or as customers I get to know. I used to belong to a gay bowling league that was pretty big but I knew almost all of them already so I don't think I made any new friends....

I HATED the GSU in college...the most oppressive group of LGBT people I have ever had the displeasure of coming across.

Most of my friends were gay until maybe around 35 years of age...now most are straight.

Most of my gay friends died...long ago...
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#10
Several othervrandom thoughts as I awaken. Smile Forgive the scattershot nature of this post.

I've noticed that young people who "just want a boyfriend" tend to consider themselves as just the opposite side (if not "the better side") of those who are more interested in having fun. And it's a bit like comparing Apple computers and Orange Juliuses. Let me explain:

Just so we can use an actual group, let's look at the GaySpeak population as your group of available gay guys. (Well, the gay male segment thereof.) Now consider that group in regards to these requirements:

1. You're looking for someone to have a pleasant three-minute conversation with.

2. You're looking for someone to have a pleasant hour-long lunch with.

3. You're spending an afternoon casually shopping, and you want soneone to accompany you.

4. To save money on a four-day vacation, you want someone to (platonically) room with, and hopefully spend the days with.

5. You need anew roommate for your apartment, and you'd like to be good friends with them, too.

I'm guessing most of us at GS could fulfll the first requirement. And you shouldn't have too much problem finding somebody to have a nice lunch with - I'd venture to say around half of us could be good lunch companions. The third one would be a bit tougher - you'd want somebody you click with somewhat, who doesn't annoy you. By the fourth one, you'd basically need something like a casual friend...and for a roommate, you're basically talking a very good friend. You might find one or two of us here to fit that, but it would probably take some vetting to discover which of us that would be. Guys who "are only interested in a relationship"? That's probably even more stringent than that last category. This isn't to say you couldn't find someone here to actively date, but it wouldn't be a given.

Now, consider going to a gay social group. Say there's twenty people there. Again, you're looking for somebody to at orast fulfill that fifth requirement...and possibly more. So odds are kind of stacked against you. Which is why guys in your position say "well, I went to this group activity once , but nobody was really what I was looking for." In essence, that's not surprising. Don't get me wrong. We'd all love to go to a "Guys That Fulfill All Of My Requirements For Friendship Who All Want To Befriend And Probably Date Me So I Can Choose Which Ones I Like Best" function, but we've never been able to pull them off. Smile Thus the social groups. If you join a gay biking group, for instance, that's two hurdles cleared - everybody there is gay and likes biking (as you presumably would, having joined). Now you just need to find guys there that like you that you like back. More hurdles, sure, but two fewer than you had.

Now consider guys who "just want to have a good time". They're more looking for somebody near that third category, or maybe even the second. For them, it's far easier to find somebody. Not because "all guys just want to have fun", but because the qualifications aren't as stringent. As an added bonus (to them), it often comes to pass that a guy they thought would be "good to spend an afternoon with"...ends up being more than that. A lot of Mr Rights were originally Mr Right Nows. Smile

Mind you, I'm not saying you way is wrong. It's just going to be more difficult, just because the situation is built that makes it so. I actually never played the field when I was younger, either, and I ended up with plenty of gay friends and a few boyfriends, too. It took longer, but it happened. It just meant putting myself out there a lot, and not getting upset (or desperate) when things didn't go well.

Lex
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