I hate feeling this way. Tonight at work, I was justdoing my standard thing. And it just hit me. I will never get to be a father. That was something I have always wanted as farback as I can remember. I hate being gay, I hate feeling this way. There is nothing I can do. I don't know why I fall into this every so often. Does it ever stop?
Feeling sorry for myself makes me feel even more pathetic.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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I wasn't aware you were sterile....
A lesbian couple once approached me asking me for my genetic material... Apparently they thought my genes should continue.. They even proposed that I would donate genetic material twice, so they could get an offspring and I could have an offspring as well. So serious on this they brought over legal documents that were very in depth and covered a lot of he legal stuff, as absolving my duty to their offspring, and cutting their ability to lay claims to my offspring.
Surrogacy is on the rise, its happening so much more that there are a lot of new laws and regulations and legal experiences to reduce the legal risks substantially.
Then there is adoption - trust me Foster care is full of kids who need a parent.
Just because you are gay does not mean you can't be a father. It only means that you have a far less chance of becoming a father accidentally. Sure you are going to have to think about your options more, and plan more - but honestly, parents who actually plan for their offspring instead of just having one because of a drunken night of loosed morals usually tend to make better parents in the long run and their offspring tend to fare better.
LGBT couples are having more kids now, a lot of them adopt and raise children. No its not easy, yes there is a lot of stink over it by people who are backward and primitive in their thinking.
A lot of Gay guys actually have a strong nurturing 'instinct' - but then with more recent researching pointing and the minor fact that gay men tend to have brains similar to straight women it makes sense that nurturing runs high in the gay.
Back in my day most gay guys got these impulses to be a parent and realized that that ain't ever going to happen because it was pretty much illegal, and there were so many hassles and stumbling blocks they just ripped out their biological clock and hit with a sledge hammer until it stopped ticking.
Today is a whole different world, so a lot of gay men face their biological clock and admit 'I want to be a parent' and far fewer gay men laugh at that and seriously consider that as part of the whole 'This is what I am seeking a partner for'....
You are living in a wonderful time as a gay man, Marriage is becoming legal in more and more states, the 'war' against allowing gays to adopt and take other measures to become parents is being won on our side.
The Equation: 'I'm gay = I can't be a father' is an invalid statement.
BTW Hank, people have been asking about you, wanting to know if you are OK - its really nice to see you again.
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Very interesting. I too was once asked by a lesbian couple who asked me to donate sperm. I refused on various grounds. I had no desire to bring yet another child in to an already overcrowded world and even though they said that any donation would end there, had I been a father I would have still felt a moral responsibility. So if I was asked (heaven's knows why), you have a much better opportunity. We live in more tolerant times now.
Anyway Hank, don't give up and don't fall in to self hate. It is a useless emotion.
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I wasn't aware you were sterile....
A lesbian couple once approached me asking me for my genetic material... Apparently they thought my genes should continue.. They even proposed that I would donate genetic material twice, so they could get an offspring and I could have an offspring as well. So serious on this they brought over legal documents that were very in depth and covered a lot of he legal stuff, as absolving my duty to their offspring, and cutting their ability to lay claims to my offspring.
Surrogacy is on the rise, its happening so much more that there are a lot of new laws and regulations and legal experiences to reduce the legal risks substantially.
Then there is adoption - trust me Foster care is full of kids who need a parent.
Just because you are gay does not mean you can't be a father. It only means that you have a far less chance of becoming a father accidentally. Sure you are going to have to think about your options more, and plan more - but honestly, parents who actually plan for their offspring instead of just having one because of a drunken night of loosed morals usually tend to make better parents in the long run and their offspring tend to fare better.
LGBT couples are having more kids now, a lot of them adopt and raise children. No its not easy, yes there is a lot of stink over it by people who are backward and primitive in their thinking.
A lot of Gay guys actually have a strong nurturing 'instinct' - but then with more recent researching pointing and the minor fact that gay men tend to have brains similar to straight women it makes sense that nurturing runs high in the gay.
Back in my day most gay guys got these impulses to be a parent and realized that that ain't ever going to happen because it was pretty much illegal, and there were so many hassles and stumbling blocks they just ripped out their biological clock and hit with a sledge hammer until it stopped ticking.
Today is a whole different world, so a lot of gay men face their biological clock and admit 'I want to be a parent' and far fewer gay men laugh at that and seriously consider that as part of the whole 'This is what I am seeking a partner for'....
You are living in a wonderful time as a gay man, Marriage is becoming legal in more and more states, the 'war' against allowing gays to adopt and take other measures to become parents is being won on our side.
The Equation: 'I'm gay = I can't be a father' is an invalid statement.
BTW Hank, people have been asking about you, wanting to know if you are OK - its really nice to see you again.
It is nice to hear that people are asking about me. I am okay, I had to tell my parents that I wasn't actually bisexual. That basically crushed all hope. my dad can bearly look at me.
At least I don't live in Russia.
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hank Wrote:At least I don't live in Russia.
Or Uganda!
"You can be young without money but you can't be old without money"
Maggie the Cat from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." by Tennessee Williams
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Hank,
Sorry the parental units are not too keen on all of this.... Give them time to adapt.
Hopefully when you do find that right guy and they see how happy he makes you their hearts will be melted and far more accepting.
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Hank!
People have been asking about you!  mile:
Now, now. Says who you can't be a parent?
There is surogacy, adoption. Many choices. You can be gay and have a family for sure.
Granted, might be difficult to do so in Texas at least for now, but you can do it if you project yourself to be somewhere else in the US.
Parents can have all the range of reactions imaginable. Sorry yours were on the crappy side of it.
If they truly love you they will come around. It might take time.
For the moment think about how important a step you took. Coming out to the parents will do you good, it will be better for your mental health
Feel proud of yourself! mile:
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Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:I wasn't aware you were sterile....
A lesbian couple once approached me asking me for my genetic material... Apparently they thought my genes should continue.. They even proposed that I would donate genetic material twice, so they could get an offspring and I could have an offspring as well. So serious on this they brought over legal documents that were very in depth and covered a lot of he legal stuff, as absolving my duty to their offspring, and cutting their ability to lay claims to my offspring.
Surrogacy is on the rise, its happening so much more that there are a lot of new laws and regulations and legal experiences to reduce the legal risks substantially.
Then there is adoption - trust me Foster care is full of kids who need a parent.
Just because you are gay does not mean you can't be a father. It only means that you have a far less chance of becoming a father accidentally. Sure you are going to have to think about your options more, and plan more - but honestly, parents who actually plan for their offspring instead of just having one because of a drunken night of loosed morals usually tend to make better parents in the long run and their offspring tend to fare better.
LGBT couples are having more kids now, a lot of them adopt and raise children. No its not easy, yes there is a lot of stink over it by people who are backward and primitive in their thinking.
A lot of Gay guys actually have a strong nurturing 'instinct' - but then with more recent researching pointing and the minor fact that gay men tend to have brains similar to straight women it makes sense that nurturing runs high in the gay.
Back in my day most gay guys got these impulses to be a parent and realized that that ain't ever going to happen because it was pretty much illegal, and there were so many hassles and stumbling blocks they just ripped out their biological clock and hit with a sledge hammer until it stopped ticking.
Today is a whole different world, so a lot of gay men face their biological clock and admit 'I want to be a parent' and far fewer gay men laugh at that and seriously consider that as part of the whole 'This is what I am seeking a partner for'....
You are living in a wonderful time as a gay man, Marriage is becoming legal in more and more states, the 'war' against allowing gays to adopt and take other measures to become parents is being won on our side.
The Equation: 'I'm gay = I can't be a father' is an invalid statement.
BTW Hank, people have been asking about you, wanting to know if you are OK - its really nice to see you again.
![[Image: up_green_arrow.png]](http://mommasmoneymatters.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/up_green_arrow.png) What he said, times 10.
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Good to see you back, Hank.
You have plenty of time to be a father. Please don't equate homosexuality to being childless. Plenty of same -sex families would disagree with you.
AS for your parents, please give them time, they will come around.
![[Image: 51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg]](https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51806835273_f5b3daba19_t.jpg) <<< It's mine!
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CellarDweller Wrote:Good to see you back, Hank.
You have plenty of time to be a father. Please don't equate homosexuality to being childless. Plenty of same -sex families would disagree with you.
AS for your parents, please give them time, they will come around.
Sorry I have been absent for so long.
I was thinking about my friends earlier today. They are married heterosexual couple. They are having no luck conceiving. They have been married for five years. Even if I was straight there is no guarantee.
I was looking for an excuse to hate being gay. I think it is because I just recently came out as actually gay. I have been telling everybody i was bisexual, though I really believedI was.
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falling into self hatred again.
