Barebacking in long term relationship?

[southbiochem]

My personal preference on the matter is highly against unprotected sex, simply given the unsanitary nature of the body parts involved.

As for other people who might be into it:

1.- Both parties must agree.

2.- TESTS>DOCTOR VISIT>NEGATIVE RESULTS FOR STDS.

3.- It's preferable to be practised within a monogamous couple.

4.- Realize that even when you are both STD free, you'll be still having the situtation of a excretion organ for urine going inside an excretion organ for fecal matter..the latter being a place full of bacteria. So, HYGIENE, before and after. Ackowledge the risks involved in this.

As long as both parties agree to the above, I suppose it won't be a problem. Still a no no for me, though.

[driftwood]

Wow, I'm really surprised most people apparently take this so lightly.

It's not really a matter of taking it lightly. When you say ltr, that implies a high level of trust (if you're in an ltr without a high level of trust, almost all of us would advise "Get out!").

Obviously, barebacking requires monogamy, and monogamy requires trust. If the trust is deep enough, then barebacking is perfectly acceptable. A problem only arises when the trust issue is pushed. Trust can't be pushed. It takes time to develop. When I read a post about a relationship that's only a couple months old, and they're professing undying love for each other, I wonder. I would tend to hold my breath. An ltr doesn't start out as an ltr.

Barebacking? It takes getting deep into the soul of your mate to develop the level of trust needed.

[East]

I have been with my man for 28 years and we are still very active sexually ...and have sex regularly... and we do not use condoms. We are both HIV negative.

I would never tell anyone else to do the same though. It is a personal decision that much be made by the individual(s) involved.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Up until my last relationship I thought that bare backing between partners was a demonstration of love and trust an the ultimate 'I can't get any closer to you than this'.

Now I fully realize and understand that that is a great way to get HIV or some other nasty bug. And I am an idiot full of romantic notions which most likely will get me killed.

If I get into another relationship I would like to believe I can have that level of trust again. But honestly twice bitten thrice shy... So I don't think its ever going to happen again - barebacking...

[Charon]

Wow, I'm really surprised most people apparently take this so lightly. Didn't expect that. Guess I must be naive or something.

Well at least MisterTinkles and Edward agree with me Glad to know I'm not the only one haha.

Thanks for the answers!

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is"? Forgive me but...if he's your boyfriend then doesn't that imply that if you're not 100% gay that theres a little something in you that suggests that it would be okay IF you happened to feel like it. And what of your boyfriend? I think he should be a bit puzzled. Does he refer to you as his boyfriend? If so then it's boyfriend and boyfriend, game, set and match. I don't really care what you say, you're exhibiting all the symptoms of being gay, just maintaining your not in the event something better comes along. And I don't sense you're naive, just manipulative.

[Evan]

Thanks for all the replies again.

I do understand when people say it is about how long you've been together and whether you trust each other, because clearly that's the only situation (most) people would not use condoms.
However, I personally wouldn't do it even if I do trust my boyfriend 100%, because for me trust doesn't have anything to do with it. I know a guy who is now hiv positive because he barebacked in his relationship - they'd been together for yeaaarsss -. That doesn't mean I think my boyfriend will ever cheat on me, because I don't (and I'm the least jealous person you'll ever meet). It just means I've told myself never to do it, that way what happened to that guy can never happen to me. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... I get that it's about trust, but if your boyfriend doesn't want to bareback that doesn't necessarily mean he does NOT trust you.

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is"? Forgive me but...if he's your boyfriend then doesn't that imply that if you're not 100% gay that theres a little something in you that suggests that it would be okay IF you happened to feel like it. And what of your boyfriend? I think he should be a bit puzzled. Does he refer to you as his boyfriend? If so then it's boyfriend and boyfriend, game, set and match. I don't really care what you say, you're exhibiting all the symptoms of being gay, just maintaining your not in the event something better comes along. And I don't sense you're naive, just manipulative.

Wow! What? The "I'm not gay, but my boyfriend is" is a joke - it's a paradox. I'm 100% gay, always have been, and I'm completely comfortable with it. I was in a 6 year relationship up until I was 23, and right now I've been in a relationship for.. uhh.. 8 months (? I don't count), and yes we're definitely each other's boyfriends haha.

I don't know where you get that I'm 'manipulative'? That seems really judgmental, and honestly I don't understand why you would say something like that. Clearly you don't know anything about me.

[megumidesu]

"I'm not gay but my boyfriend is"? Forgive me but...if he's your boyfriend then doesn't that imply that if you're not 100% gay that theres a little something in you that suggests that it would be okay IF you happened to feel like it. And what of your boyfriend? I think he should be a bit puzzled. Does he refer to you as his boyfriend? If so then it's boyfriend and boyfriend, game, set and match. I don't really care what you say, you're exhibiting all the symptoms of being gay, just maintaining your not in the event something better comes along. And I don't sense you're naive, just manipulative.

it's clearly a joke.
and if it wasn't , there is always the possibility of him being bisexual , not gay.

[Lilitu]

Personally I probably wouldn't, speaking from no experience at all because I;m very pure and virginal.

But for some reason I've had two UTIs in the last 3 years even though I've never had sex before, and I don't even know how, so I must be like especially prone to infections or something, so I'd be careful.

[East]

Thanks for all the replies again.

I do understand when people say it is about how long you've been together and whether you trust each other, because clearly that's the only situation (most) people would not use condoms.
However, I personally wouldn't do it even if I do trust my boyfriend 100%, because for me trust doesn't have anything to do with it. I know a guy who is now hiv positive because he barebacked in his relationship - they'd been together for yeaaarsss -. That doesn't mean I think my boyfriend will ever cheat on me, because I don't (and I'm the least jealous person you'll ever meet). It just means I've told myself never to do it, that way what happened to that guy can never happen to me. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is... I get that it's about trust, but if your boyfriend doesn't want to bareback that doesn't necessarily mean he does NOT trust you.

How many straight couples do you think "bareback"? We all know that AIDS is not a gay disease but a lot of straight people forget that and (gasp) have bareback sex their entire relationship even though infidelity is a major component for both the men and women in heterosexual relationships.

I think it is ironic how many people commit to staying together until death do us part legally....it is the foundation of so many straight marriages... and we demand to be "equal"...which I agree with...equality under the law is definitely something I believe in...

So...how many of us are ready to actually live the part? Death do us part? Sooooo many people promise it and soooooo many people break that and every other promise they make. Straight people have already made a mockery out of the institution of marriage. Now...it is our turn to do the same.

Problem is...how can we expect to even enter into a marriage if there is no trust? And what do we do if that trust is broken? To death do us part? or something else?

[Charon]

When I first began having sex-at age nine-there was no question of men using a condom when having sex with men; You just didn't. And so through the years I barebacked my way each and every time. I had a fine relationship during the AIDs revelations and....we continued to bareback. Was I taking a chance? Possibly but habit dies very hard and ours was a wholly monogamous relationship. When it finally stopped (It didn't end nor did we break up, it just stopped when he accepted a position in Europe and I chose not to go with him. We're still very close and love each other....though we haven't seen each other in 15 years.) Now when I'm plotting sex, I try to be thoughtful and will do what they want but, after all those years being naked in the saddle, I'm not as fulfilled as I might be otherwise. As I said, 50 years of doing it one way makes it very hard to change.