Two weeks after I turned 20 years old, My parents, who are very religious, found out I was gay by hacking my fb account. They woke me up at three in the morning and basically told me I couldn't live there anymore unless I "changed" and got help from church. They accused me of being a prostitute, being into bestiality, being a child molester, among other things. I tried explaining to them that it just wasn't possible and that I had tried since I was about 15. (I would pray and cry and plead with god to change it. It never happened. My parents have always been very homophobic which caused me to hate myself and tried to commit suicide a handful of times) Things escalated and they told me to pack my things, My dad went up to my room and knocked in the door and started physically threatening me and punched me in the back and called me disgusting. once I got a suitcase full of clothes, they threw everything outside and shut the door behind me. They refused to give me my vehicle that I paid for along with my laptop and dog. I ended up walking down the street for a while when a stranger asked if I needed a ride and took me to a friends house. I tried to go on with my routine of going to school but found out my parents had forged my signature and canceled my classes. I decided to leave the area where they live and crashed at a friends house for a while. I was so depressed I tried to commit suicide twice. It has been almost four years now and I still have no relationship with them. My grandmother refuses to talk to me and my five siblings are refusing to speak with me either. They have blocked me on fb and have nothing to do with me. I have one older brother who is married and has a son and luckily my sister in law would speak with me and I wanted to see my nephew. I went to a tball game two years after all of this and my mom ended up being there. Once the game was over my mom grabbed my nephew and gave me the most evil look and left so I couldn't see him.(he has no idea who I am) My brother was there and refused to speak to me and when my sister in law said she was going to go eat dinner with me he threatened to leave her. I decided not to cause problems for them and just left with my heart in a million pieces. My grandparents on they other side of the family saw me while I was down there and were fairly nice about everything but didn't really say much. After I got back I decided I would text my parents and grandma on holidays and tell them I loved and missed them. I usually never got a response from anyone except from my mom one valentines day. She replied back "no you don't!!!" after exchanging a few texts she decided to call me. She was so angry and was screaming at me and told me not to call her mom but to call her by her name. I went along with it and she said she doesn't consider me her child anymore and when asked, she only has five kids. She told me she didn't love me, that if she could, she would have never had me. She said I would make nothing of my life and when I stated that I had a great job and was making double her weekly salary, she said I must be a prostitute or a pornstar and that I probably have some disease and then called me disgusting. I hung up and have had no contact since. My grandparents who did speak with me called me and told me I was un-invited to thanksgiving and to not bother coming, even after I had told them that I would not be attending because I live across the country now. I am not sure if they decided to disown me too or if my parents threatened them by using my siblings as pawns but I decided not to speak with them anymore because I don't need to deal with being hurt over and over again. I believe my siblings are being lied to by my parents and am pretty sure they told them that I decided to leave. I am from a small community and one of my friends that I was still in contact with told me that she was with my sister and I decided to call and try to speak with her. She is four years younger than I and was 17 at the time. I was closest with my sister and we were always doing everything together. Once the phone was handed to her, she told me that when I decided to change they would be there waiting for me. She believes that being gay is a choice some how.(as does most of the community where I grew up) I also lost most of my friends then and have built a life 700 miles away with my wonderful fiance. We met online two years prior to me being disowned and have been together about three and a half years now. I truly believe he is my soul mate. He has his issues but has always been there for me and I am so very grateful for him and his family. I have a small group of friends that I now consider family and we get together for holidays and do our own thing. Now that the wedding is coming up, a time where I should be most happy, I'm distraught. I know there is no good in inviting them. I have one friend who might be able to make it up to the wedding but that is really all I am expecting. I'm depressed that I don't have my family there to celebrate with. and that on the wedding day, when everyone sees that there is none of my family there, they will feel sorry for me. I'm just really lost and not sure what I should do. I feel bad talking to my fiance about it because I don't want to take away his joy from us planning our wedding. I just don't know how to take these feelings and get over them when its been four years and not much has changed. I feel emotionally broken.
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I would not have been so "forgiving" against such scum of the earth.
For one, I would have had them arrested for stealing the vehicle, which is what they did.
I would have called the ASPCA on their ass, stating that your dog was in harms way, and they refused to let you have YOUR pet....and were afraid for its life, for their retaliation.
I would have sued them for invading your privacy and hacking into your account, which is a felony.
Not to mention arrested for that. I also would have sued them and had them arrested for forgery, another felony.
I would have made their lives a living hell, and drag their names through the media, and had all the GLBT organizations I could call, on their asses.
I would have gone to a family gathering and made a BIG ASSED scene, calling them bigoted, hate-filled, prejudiced, two faced, evil, backstabbing, self centered liars. Because thats what they are.
A REAL christian does NOT put a ton of conditions onto someone in order to give love to them. They love them UNCONDITIONALLY. As does any decent human being. These are anything BUT decent human beings....they are disgusting, useless, pieces of garbage that need to be hung from the neck until dead, in the public square, and then burned at the stake. Which still is not enough to retaliate with.
YOU are more of a christian than they could ever HOPE to even dream of!!!
Screw them.
Forget about them, remove them from your existence. Create your own family with people you trust, your best friends, etc.... You dont need their brain dead shit in your life.
A difficult thing to do sometimes, but your sanity and happiness is worth more than two seconds of hoping these neanderthals will "come around".
Forget them, move on.
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Regarding the wedding and lack of family:
1. Your family never owned you; the right wording is: "My family was and is abusive, and I had work hard to move into a more positive environment many years ago.". Own it. If anyone is curious as to where your family is, you can say that line and leave it at that.
2. Let go of the anger that will bring you. Your family suffers too from this. The reality is that your family has many problems, and there is something mentally wrong with people that act this way. People like this are to be pitied.... from a safe distance.
3. Are these people even family? They might be biologically related, but it doesn't seem like it.
There's a phrase I like very much, and it's essentially: "Home (Family) is where the heart is.". Your love is for your friends, soul mate, and the positives that they bring into your life. The fact that you came from a family that is negative does not have to define you now or in the future; you're surrounding yourself with people that are very much replacing the family you have lost.
You do seem to have a positive attitude, but I would recommend therapy. You sound like you have the income, you want a positive life, therapy will help to guide you. Personally, I think you should make some major decisions as to whether you even want to give your family the oppourtinity to be in your life ever again. Because you're making progress now, but every time you contact them, you're exposing yourself to potential mental anguish.
If members of your family ever do reach out to accept you, never go without your partner. They disowned you for homosexuality, and if they are to accept you, they must accept your spouse; your family. Do not attend any functions without him present. I don't know if this is likely, but I simply recommend it. They sound like they are building on lies and secrecy, if you're to return you need to feel safe and loved.
Just as your loved ones make you feel now.
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Your parents claim to be "religious"? They are festering pockets of hell that somehow managed to surface to the earth. They are sinister people who have done everything in their power to hurt and destroy you, and they are not worthy of your presence in their lives.
As for the wedding, of course people will feel compassionate toward you situation, but you've made it so far in such a short time. Be proud that you managed to find the love that you deserve.
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I must agree with the posters above me...
Nothing much to say now...but you seem to be a really great & strong person. After all what your "family" (big question mark) has done to you, you still think of them on your upcoming wedding. I really feel you there, but you should take into account that it is not about the quantity of people, you do not need a lot of people just to feel better. Your fiancé and a couple of friends would be enough and that means everything already cause they accepted you for who you are and they treated you as a real family...
I agree with Woolly that you still need to seek therapy cause like what you said you are still emotionally daamaged. I understand though that you are still seeking the love and care of your immediate family but like what Mr Tinkles have said they have been really abusive towards you and it's unforgiveable...you should not be the one to reach out ever. Hence, you are about to create your own family...forget them..and move on. With all the mean things they did to you, just think they never existed in your life..To better aid you on this situation, yeah seek a therapy
At least though you have a fiancé, cause worse would be being alone in such times...
I can quite relate to your situation, I wish you all the best
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MisterTinkles Wrote:I would not have been so "forgiving" against such scum of the earth.
For one, I would have had them arrested for stealing the vehicle, which is what they did.
I would have called the ASPCA on their ass, stating that your dog was in harms way, and they refused to let you have YOUR pet....and were afraid for its life, for their retaliation.
I would have sued them for invading your privacy and hacking into your account, which is a felony.
Not to mention arrested for that. I also would have sued them and had them arrested for forgery, another felony.
I would have made their lives a living hell, and drag their names through the media, and had all the GLBT organizations I could call, on their asses.
I would have gone to a family gathering and made a BIG ASSED scene, calling them bigoted, hate-filled, prejudiced, two faced, evil, backstabbing, self centered liars. Because thats what they are.
A REAL christian does NOT put a ton of conditions onto someone in order to give love to them. They love them UNCONDITIONALLY. As does any decent human being. These are anything BUT decent human beings....they are disgusting, useless, pieces of garbage that need to be hung from the neck until dead, in the public square, and then burned at the stake. Which still is not enough to retaliate with.
YOU are more of a christian than they could ever HOPE to even dream of!!!
Screw them.
Forget about them, remove them from your existence. Create your own family with people you trust, your best friends, etc.... You dont need their brain dead shit in your life.
A difficult thing to do sometimes, but your sanity and happiness is worth more than two seconds of hoping these neanderthals will "come around".
Forget them, move on. What he said, FUCK EM! and move on, make a better life for yourself than they could ever hope to have.
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I couldn't be bothered reading your wall of text, punctuation is always a blessing...comma's full stops and PARAGRAPHS make things a lot more readable and you will get more attention. 9 out of 10 people will click on your thread, see the wall of text and close the window without reading a single sentence.
HOWEVER I did read Mr Tinkles reply (Very nice MrT  ), and his advice is generally pretty solid so I am going to say 'What he said'
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I'm sorry. I have never told my mother as she would most likely respond the same way. You have your boyfriend and other friends. They are your family now. I know it's hard for you. I'm glad you have some good people around you. I think it's time to move forward with them and leave your birth family in the past. I really am sorry. Wish I could change it for you.
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I dont have much to say since im still in the closet.....but here's a big hug for you
*hugs super duper tight*
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For a guy basically stripped form the status of "human" by a bunch of nut jobs, you seem to be quite forgiving.
Love for your family lingering still shows how amazing a person you are.
I advice strongly against even mentioning the wedding to them.
I don't see it as matter of "forgiveness and invite them" or "revenge and tell them and not invite them" but more about you and your partner's safety. If they could forge your signature and leave you homeless without remorse they may just be the kind of people that WOULD GO to your wedding....only to burn the building or something of the sort.
Unfortunately they have been brainwashed by religious beliefs and people like that might evem get aggressive about it if you dare mention wedding, given how they treated you.
You can be honest with your fianceé and let him know you miss them, that you feel sad, that you would wish you could have a family present. I don't see any problem with that.
I know it's hard. But you made a turn for the better even while being kicked to the ground and you have a wonderful companion.
You have done well. You have my respect and admiration.
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