So is this guy gay/ interested? (Sorry this is practically a novel!)

[eyeseyeseyes]

Hi, I'm in a bit of a predicament and I'm looking for some advice from another perspective. I've always had a tendency to massively over analyse these situations and I need some advice that doesn't stem from my own thoughts. I apologize in advance as this is very long aha.

There's this guy that I'm friends with who goes to my uni. We're not close or anything, more just casual friends really. But we started hanging out a bit recently as we've been at the same events. I've never really found him attractive before and just assumed he was straight and didn't think much more of it, but I started to notice that he was showing some signs that he was attracted to me. Mostly just awkward looks and smiles from across the room, which I found kind of odd. He's a really nice guy and I ended crashing at his place about a month ago on a night out. He lives in a small flat so we just slept in the same bed, with us both pretty much wearing nothing. At the time though I really didn't think anything of it.

I noticed after that night these odd looks got more frequent, and there was a distinct awkwardness in conversation whenever we bumped into each other. He comes across as a very shy guy in any social situation so I just put it down to that, but I started to realise I was thinking about him quite a lot and noticed I was really crushing on him.

We had mutual friends at a uni event a few of days ago so we hung out there, we were both quite drunk and got into a deep conversation where I told him I was gay. He reacted quite surprised, and his faced almost seemed to light up; later we started taking about relationships and he said how he has this crippling shyness when taking to people he likes and making any moves. He made it very evident that he was looking for a relationship, that he hadn't been laid in a year and about dating sites he is on, although all of which I assumed are him looking for girls as he joked about his mate changing his tinder to men for a laugh. So at that time I think, OK he's definitely straight, i'll just accept that. It's fine.

As the night goes on he mentions that he's going to a club the next day and by coincidence I'm also going to the same place with a few friends. His face lights up again and as I get more drunk I start getting more affectionate with him and the more he seems to show interest. When the night ends he says I can stay at his again as I live quite far away, knowing full well that we would have to sleep in the same bed. But his mate offers for us to crash at his instead and I ended up splitting a taxi fair with my housemate and went home. When I leave he comes up and gives me this massive hug.

The next day we're at the club, and we both have separate friends that we hang with there so we don't really see each other a lot. When we do at first he seems quite cold and distant. As the night carries on we both get increasingly very drunk and I can't help but start being very affectionate with him. Every time I see him I just end up hugging him again and again. Once I kissed his cheek and said that I loved him. He looked at me, hesitated and then kissed me on the cheek and said: "I love you too". His friend at that point ended up talking to him so we went our separate ways and didn't end up meeting again until outside the club. He was talking to his friend about how much he liked this girl he met and it was obvious that he was wanted to get with her, and his mate was trying to build his confidence to ask her out. So I thought fine I'll just head home as I rather not witness that. We say goodbye and hug and he says: “You know you can stay at mine if you want”. Cue confusion; after being what I assumed was more than overly affectionate than I should have been he says I can stay at his even though he knows I'm gay AND we would be sleeping in the same bed. Is that his way of trying to hint at me? I ask him if it's alright and that I don't want to be a bother as I'm totally unsure at where he stands. He says of course and I say goodbye to my friends there. As I'm about to go to leave with him I see that he has his arm around this girl he was trying to get with. And in the moment I decide to just leave with my friend and head home.

By this point I was getting a bit drunkenly emotional and I just wanted an answer from him, so stupidly I end up texting him saying that I liked him. It took about half an hour as my phone was too blurry to see what I was typing and in hindsight texting him: "Man I f**king like you a lot dude xx" probably wasn't the best way to express my feelings for him.
Thus he doesn't reply, either that night or the next day, and I think fine, I'll leave it there, I got my answer. He is probably pretty straight and he likely got with the girl last night so that's it. I got worried 'cus I thought, here's this nice shy straight guy and I've just pretty aggressively come on to him and then texted him with a statement that probably couldn't be replied to anyway. I just hope it won't be too awkward when I bump into him again.

So from that you'd think okay, he's probably gonna avoid doing anything to insinuate that he's interested, and he probably wants to avoid any kind of contact for time being. Except the next day he ends up liking a fb status that I wrote about losing a hat. What?! He doesn't say anything about that text, or the night but likes a fb status about me losing a hat!?

So yeah. I will congratulate you for reading this tedious essay about my life and my drunken adventures and if you can offer any advice on what I could do I would be massively grateful. Obviously, I like this guy quite a bit and I feel like its beginning to really get to me. Its been a couple of days since all of this and I haven’t heard anything from him. Is he just ridiculously shy and is not sure if I'm interested? Or Is he straight and just a really nice guy and doesn't wanna create any kind of tension between us? He hasn't texted me and I don't really want to text him again to ask after that last attempt of expressing my feelings; plus he's gone back home for two weeks before uni starts again so I can't ask him to hang out either. What do I do now? It'll be fine and I could just get on with my life if I didn't keep thinking about him so much. Ahh!

Thanks so much for reading:
From someone deluded who should probably stop drinking so much and over-analysing every minute detail O-o

[Rainbowmum]

If he has not answered you it could be that he does not know what to say or he may be distancing himself from you.
You will soon find out when you see him at uni.

[findingmyway]

What is it with seemingly straight guys being so vague with their intentions?! It seems to be a trend.
Straight guys, please figure your shit out and stop confusing the gays!

[southbiochem]

I'm afraid (?) that what you could have done you've already done it, meaning he already knows you're gay and youve already told him you like him.

Wait for a response. If it seems that time is passing you can always start the subject "hey, I was drunk texting the other night and....."

Other than that, you can study his reactions from now on. If he is bi or gay he maybe be very well trying to hide it in front of his friends.

[Eth21]

Hmm half way thru you mentioned you heard him talking to a mate who was trying to build up his confidence to ask out a girl, which got me thinking that maybe he said "girl" but ment you maybe?? But having said that it sounds like he mentioned her name and it was a real girl.

As for the drunken txt try not to worry about it as he may have received it knew your were drunk n disregarded it so I think you should just go about like it didn't happen unless he brings it up.

Sounds to as tho he's a little confused and perhaps not ready to come out.

But all that aside the more important issue, did you find your hat???

[loserguy]

Hey,

Thank you for your "essay" and I must congratulate you as it was very interesting and easy to read!

Ok, this guy likes you big time and just wait for him to respond, which he will.
It is difficult for a guy who has never been with another guy before and has only ever been with girls. When you saw him with a girl you reacted and maybe jumped to the wrong conclusions. That you went away that night could have made him feel rejected too? He is unsure of what to do here so you need to help him out a bit.

As I see it, you don't invite guys to stay over unless you like them and if you are straight and he is gay, inviting him to stay is leading him on if you are not into him. So why would you do it if you were not into him?

Next time he invites you to stay the night, don't be put off by events. Wait and be patient. Then when you get back to his, make the move slowly. Afterwards, talk to him if you must but not before.

Make no mistake, he is into you in the same way you are into him!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

It didn't happen.

As far as he is concerned you were drunk - and drunks make all sorts of wild and crazy statements and do wild and crazy shit - everyone who is an adult and has been close to alcohol knows this - thus he most likely chuckled and say 'Whoa, dude is like totally toasted tonight.'

Unfortunately you didn't drink to total black out, this way you wouldn't be all worried about this text message.

He knew you were already drunk at the bar and either was going to have you sleep on his bed while he took the couch or was going to take advantage of your drunken state. I think the first is most likely and you read a lot more into this than what was really there.

[eyeseyeseyes]

Hey guys, thanks for the replies.

A little update about the past week for those interested:

So after he liked every single fb status that I made and preceded to say happy birthday with far too many kisses then deemed currently socially acceptable I got bored of waiting for him to message me and decided to just message him myself. I didn't want to just straight out say everything so I thought a casual conversation would be better; just to attempt to see where he stands, and this is where I could use some advice on how to interpret this. I've realised I'm pretty terrible when it comes to talking to guys and I guess through past experience I have little-to-no knowledge on whether he is just being friendly or is wanting more. As I'm sure you will gather:

He seemed pretty interested in having and maintaining conversation, but I just can't tell if he is just being nice again. He seemed to follow up every message with a question about me or what I was into and when I mentioned about us maybe going to an event in a couple of weeks he said he couldn't because his parents are coming down but asked me if I would "definitely be there?"

We spoke about uni for a couple of hours but his messages seemed so convoluted. Like he kept contradicting himself and then saying "does that make sense?". He then really started complimenting me on a song that I wrote, saying he had no idea I could sing... and I can't sing. Like at all! Is this just painfully obvious interest he's showing or is he just trying to be friendly. I keep thinking that he might have thought the text I had sent him was just me being nice or something, I'm quite openly affectionate with my friends; Although someone gay sending a supposedly straight friend that he likes him at 5 a clock in the morning could hardly be interpreted as "just being nice" right? Right?!

He must have gathered that I'm interested by now, I have this feeling that he has realised but its kind of unspoken and he's too nice and shy to say anything about it so he's just being friendly so he doesn't feel guilty (This has happened before if you can't tell). I just suck so much at this and I obviously over-analyse way too much and just can't seem to live in the moment which is where true happiness is supposed to be. How do I get better at this sort of stuff? Like I noticed he kept calling me man so then I kept calling him man and then our conversations just ended up looking like this:

"Yeah man I really like that album man, its great man what other stuff you into man?"

"That's sweet man I'm into all sorts man, I really like electronic music man!"

He kept logging off then logging back on, then being really quick to replying and then he would take ages to say anything; so I had to leave as the pressure to say something suave and sophisticated was getting too much and I didn't know what to do. Thus I just said goodbye and to speak soon. I put two kisses and he returned back one...

So that's it, what the fuck do I do now?

I definitely agree with Bowyn Aerrow that I read a lot more into it then is really there but I just can't shut my brain up. I'm thinking maybe just wait til i'm out with him again and see if he asks me to stay at his again after all of this has happened (he hasn't got a couch unfortunately, he lives in a box room with just a desk and a bed so there's not even room to lay on the floor) I noticed that he probably was staying online to talk to me as he completely disappeared after said goodbye so there are seemingly signs of interest there. I just don't want to get this wrong again, especially 'cus he's a really lovely guy and I really wouldn't want to make anything awkward between us if he turns out to be straight and just friendly.

Ohh you'd think I'd have grown out of this kind of stuff by now! Any help is exceedingly appreciated!

[Jay]

I've learned that the best way to save yourself from headache is by asking, "Are you gay?"

I know it's a very direct question but based on my experience, it can save you from hurting yourself.

My close friend is a straight lad but has the tendency to treat me like his boyfriend. I actually thought he was gay until the day I asked his sexual orientation.

So yes, do yourself a favor and ask him directly. Save yourself before you hurt yourself.

[loserguy]

Hi,
If you read my post again from earlier it might make more sense now?

Don't ask him if he is gay yet. I think he is curious but why not ask him out for a drink when he is free? He will go and then relax and go with the flow. Eventually you will end up in bed together and most of those questions will be answered. Just trust me