Best Friend

[david1712]

Hi. I've never anything like this before. I just have a personal problem and would like to hear from people who've been in a similar position or anyone who has advise. Sorry it's a long story.


A year or so ago I was lucky enough to get a certain part time job. I've made many good friends there. I also happened to meet a pair of twin brothers. I became good friends with them. After a while, I started having weird feelings for one of them. I thought he did for me as well. I would look up and see him watching me quite often. It wasn't just one day it would be almost every time we would work together. I realized how nice and amazing this guy was. I started thinking about him a lot. Eventually, I couldn't go more than an hour without thinking about him. Now the three of us are like best friends. We hang out a lot and I love them both. (in a friend way) Anyway, I also love this guy in a romantic way. I can't get him out of my head. I would do anything for him. Even give up my life for him. (not in a suicidal way) The problem is that I'm almost sure he's straight. It's hard to just dismiss him as straight though. He's told me about female porn stars and he will sometimes mention a woman he sees as being hot or sexy. Not often though. I've even herd him say somewhat homophobic things. The weird part is that he's a virgin and he's never had a girlfriend. I've even had one girl friend! He's a little bit older than I am and he's much better looking and "cooler" than I am also. I don't get it. I feel he sometimes acts different around me. Nicer and softer I guess. He will do small things like complement my new sweatshirt or my driving. He will defend me in conversations and is very careful in what he says to me. He will quickly apologize if he thinks he offended me. I've never had a friend do that as much as he does. I don't know if it's because we're good friends or because he likes me. It sucks! I wish I could just read minds. There was even a time at a party. We were both a little drunk. I was laying on a couch and he sat next to me and put my head on his lap and he just showed me pictures on his phone. It was amazing for me. I ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I fell asleep and woke up with him asleep on the wall beside me. He stayed in there with me because he wanted to make sure I was alright. The next day someone told me he was telling everyone there how I was his best friend. I try to get him out of my head because I think he's not interested, but then he will do something extremely selfless and nice for me and I'll like him even more. He doesn't do that for other people either. I don't know what to do. I'm not out of the closet and I don't want to loose him as a friend. I want to be more than friends though. Honestly I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I don't know if I'm being obsessive or giving myself false hope or something. I sometimes think he might be bi or just maybe not as masculine as an average guy. Maybe he hasn't accepted it yet? Also whenever we hangout we are also with his brother. I don't know if that stops him from saying something or if he again just doesn't like me. I've never liked someone this much. Does anyone have any suggestions? Thanks for reading.

[Eth21]

I'm rubbish at advice unfortunately but I will give it a go!!

I have been in a kinda similar situation last year in that I made friends with a couple of guys and one of them seemed different and it made me think he might like me. But other people tell me he's straight and I wasn't out so I let it slide and tried ,tho it was mega hard when we were hanging out all the time, to get over him. It has taken a while and I'm still not entirely sure if he's completely straight but I'm over him now and see him just as a good friend.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is just see how the friendship goes but if it dosnt seem to be moving romantically then try to get over him and move on.

Hope that helps a little bit!!

[Cuddly]

If you continue being his friend, while in love with him, you will only end up hurting yourself. You already are hurting yourself. You yearn for him. What if you get drunk and spill the beans in an uncontrolled way? That would be bad. I think you should tell him you greatly value his friendship, but also that you hope for something more.
Does he know about your sexuality? I hope things work out for you.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Talking about girls, talking about straight porn and even bashing the gays may be his way to feel you out to see where you are.

Allowing a dude to rest his head in your lap was not considered 'straight' activities back in my day - didn't matter how drunk dude was.

You are going to have to man up here and come out of the closet. Yes there is a risk, it may be he really is straight, or he may react badly to it because he is actually gay but in his closet and doesn't want to come out yet.

However with the risk side there is the other side to this, where your telling him you are gay (lets just stick with that part for now) may cause him to be more open and honest and even say he thinks he is gay, or bi or something that will let you know there is an interest.

I don't know about your generation. I hear a lot of decidedly 'gay' stuff going on which is now not seen as being gay - such as the head in the lap routine - seriously, guys were punched for that back in the day....

We need to hear from folk from your generation who know for a fact that straight guys do this thing and its not considered gay to get a better idea on what the hidden potentials are on that.


The staring those, the looks, the keener interest to be 'friendly' seem to indicate an interest in more than friends.... Again I may be wrong... back in my day....

Based on my own experiences (from a by gone era where things like that just didn't happen between straight guys) I would say that there is a real possibility he is interested in you that way.

[loserguy]

As someone who fell in love with his best friend what worked for me was the patient approach and letting things happen. We spent more and more time together and then one day he made the move. We were together for 6 years!
My advice would be to continue seeing each other if you like each other and suggest going to a few places alone with him. With only each other to concentrate on, it might be easier?
The signs are that he loves you as a friend but there are signs that he may like you more than that too.

Good Luck!

[Woollyhats]

Hi...

Something like this happened to me... twice. The first time I was too nervous to actually directly say anything and nothing ever changed, until my friendship became out right toxic and I ended it.

The second time was a little different because we were honest was each other, thus the relationship I have now.

Definitely be patient and see what happens, but also take the risk and tell him how you feel. Yes, the friendship may end --- but i am truly sorry... Because if you are truly in love with him it is going to end anyway.

[driftwood]

Allowing a dude to rest his head in your lap was not considered 'straight' activities back in my day - didn't matter how drunk dude was.

Not then and not now. This guy is not straight. A little more difficult is what is he? Curious... questioning... bi... gay?

It would probably be wise to spend as little time as you can with his brother. You could also try some very subtle flirting. He hasn't been so subtle, but you're not sure how to interpret it - he might not even be aware of it. You say he's made homophobic comments. That's probably just a cover. The next time he says something like that, call him on it. You don't have to say anything about yourself. Just that you think "they" should be able to do as they please, or whatever fits the statement. If you do that a few times, and spend a lot of time with him but away from his brother, things should tend to happen naturally - kind of like it did for loserguy. Just give it plenty of time.

I wouldn't come out now. Especially not in front of his brother. That's an entirely different question that you'll want to address based on what's right for you. There's plenty of time for that. It may actually be a moot point though. From what you've said, I wouldn't be surprised if your friends already suspect that the two of you are in a relationship.

[Rainbowmum]

I agree with BA time to tell him you are gay and see what his reaction is.

[david1712]

Thanks for your reply's. Honestly I was terrified to read the responses I got just because of how personal my post was. As of right now, I'm still not 100% on how he feels. It does hurt just being friends but the possibility of being more than that someday is worth it. Plus he's an amazing friend. I think I will stay patient and wait for him to make a move or be a little more obvious. If that doesn't work I will tell him eventually. I've been mentally preparing myself for that conversation and I'm definitely not ready yet. It was hard enough talking about it to strangers over the internet, (no offence) let alone face to face with the person who could destroy me emotionally. Anyway thanks again. It really helped to hear that all that isn't generally considered normal and other people think the same way I do. Thank you so much.

[PenguinPecker]

This actually happened to me. I fell in love with my best friend and I was honest with him. And now we are in a great relationship. So, you never know.

Also, I should add that my boyfriend, before we started dating, thought I was straight, and I thought he was. I thought he was straight, so I talked about girls. But that threw him off and he was unsure. I'm the one who brought up the being gay thing. So, you really never know until you ask.

One last thing.
If he truly likes you as a friend, and doesn't like you in that way, he will still be your friend if you come out of the closet to him. True friends don't care about sexual orientation. So, if you lose him as a friend, I'm really sorry, but he just might not be a true friend.
Not trying to sound harsh.

I wish you luck and I hope you stay on GS!