i need some advice.

[hank]

I think I am finally ready to speak to a therapist. But I Ssm unsure how to go aboutselecting one. I had a bad experience with a therapist once and my trust is a bit shaky. There are some dark things I feel that I must discuss with somebody. The biggest problem is that these things scare the hell out of me andI need absolute trust. Just so you guys don't worry it's not anything that is going to cause me to hurt myself. I have been able to control myself with temptation rightin my face.

But I believe this part of me is going to cripple me until I can deal with it and address it.

So my question is how do i find a therapist that I can trust to let this go?

[Tyrion]

That's a good question. I spoke to a therapist a few years back and I think it's really hit or miss. I suppose just pick one.. maybe one with expertise in whatever area you're thinking about talking about (if possible), and go from there? If you feel uncomfortable diving right in, you may want to give it a few sessions to get a feel of your therapist without getting too overly personal. It very well may take a few tries with different therapists to find the right one for you.

[hank]

That's a good question. I spoke to a therapist a few years back and I think it's really hit or miss. I suppose just pick one.. maybe one with expertise in whatever area you're thinking about talking about (if possible), and go from there? If you feel uncomfortable diving right in, you may want to give it a few sessions to get a feel of your therapist without getting too overly personal. It very well may take a few tries with different therapists to find the right one for you.

I am worried that this will become an issue that may involve police. I don't know, I don't want to be labeled dangerous.

[findingmyway]

I am worried that this will become an issue that may involve police. I don't know, I don't want to be labeled dangerous.

By law, if you have active plans to hurt yourself or someone else, therapists must report it. Apart from that, there are confidentiality rules. If this is something that happened in the past, I am not sure that there is much that they--the therapist--could do about it from a legal standpoint.

[Tyrion]

I am worried that this will become an issue that may involve police. I don't know, I don't want to be labeled dangerous.

Like findingmyway said, confidentiality is very serious when it comes to talking with a therapist. As long as you don't intend on hurting yourself or others.. or are revealing some sort of crime to them, you should be fine..

[loserguy]

And building up trust with someone takes time too.

How you are feeling now may or may not have generated from an underlying problem. If that is the case realizing that helps you on your way.

Personally, I would only use professional help as a last resort but if you feel that is what you need to do then do it. The only suggestion I could offer you is to select somebody based on reviews by others. Even then you have no guarantee but a shaky recommendation is better than none!

[driftwood]

However you select the therapist, you'll clearly need to spend quite some time developing rapport and trust. You may need to try several before you find one with whom you think that level of trust is possible. It could be a long drawn out process just finding the right therapist, but I'm sure it will be worth it.

[southbiochem]

Well, given your last experience, definitely don't go for the religious freaks like the one you had.

Aside from that, you may want to try for a few sessions, without revealing too much at first, just things that stay within the confidentiality agreement.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Having had plenty of therapists over a dozen or so for any measurable length of time, I'm going to tell you that its not easy finding one you can trust explicitly right out the door.

How therapy works is sorta like peeling an onion. you peel off the outer most layer, examine it, look at it decide what can be done about it then set it to the side and peel the next layer - repeat.

The outer layer stuff is common 'safe' crap that you can deal with. With each layer you get a feel for the therapist you are with and their general biases and leanings.

It is time consuming, and you may discover a few months down the road that this therapist just ain't right for you - assuring one session a week, that is about 12-16 hours of talk time. Which really isn't that great of an amount of time, its just doled out one hour a week.

There are therapists who 'specialize', LGBT therapists, Drug/Alcoholic Therapists -then there are therapists who deal specifically with cases like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I personally made the mistake of going to fast with therapists on particular subjects. There is the whole ritual abuse element in my life which is very, very controversial. I have had a therapist tell me point blank that I made that all up....

Early on I discovered that some are opposed to homosexuality... Even though this was about 20 years ago and the whole 'homosexuality is no longer a 'disorder' concept was freshly minted.... however I understand that there are therapists who do not adhere to the APA and AMA.

I am worried that this will become an issue that may involve police. I don't know, I don't want to be labeled dangerous.

If you have done a violent criminal act like rape, murder... something that a person was harmed in, the therapist will have no other choice but to inform the police. If you are planning on committing suicide, or are planning on beating the crap out of your wailing neighbor because she won't stop that god awful screaming.... that would be something to keep to yourself.

Planning and thinking are too different things.

I told one therapist that I lay there at night fantasizing about smothering my then partner in his sleep to cause me to stop doing that annoying thing he does - you know, breathing....

Saying it in a semi-humorous way and making it clear that I have a distinct understanding between fantasy and plotting a murder lead to the therapist smiling and chuckling and informing me that healthy normal people in long term relationships often contemplate such acts of murder in the form of fantasy in order to blow off steam.

THINKING about a thing and DOING a thing are two vastly, different things.

I think the problem with advising you on this point is that I have no idea what it is you are thinking/worrying about. So I'm stuck with a very general suggestion.

My mind can take me places by such a hint - murder, suicide, rape, extreme BDSM... But then I have been on the other side of society, seen the dark slimy underbelly of humanity more than once thus I can recall very distressful situations. Fantasy/role playing is one thing.... actually doing is another.

I open my PM box to you to request an email address where you can tell me whatever without judgment, retribution or my calling the po-po. I seriously doubt there is anything you can tell me that would shock me. With a bit of knowledge I may be able to better advise you on how to deal with that which perturbs you without putting yourself at risk.

[hank]

By law, if you have active plans to hurt yourself or someone else, therapists must report it. Apart from that, there are confidentiality rules. If this is something that happened in the past, I am not sure that there is much that they--the therapist--could do about it from a legal standpoint.

Nothing happened, I have been able to control myself butall dams break.