So I'm kinda conflicted :/

[Sylph]

[COLOR="blue"]I'm feeling a lot of things emotionally these past couple days. Libras are Emotional, but logical, not the best fucking combination... Forgive me if I get deep, I'm kinda just typing from my brain.

(This could go in guys or ladies thread, but for the sake of respecting the ladies thread, I'll put it here)

I'm conflicted because, my friend (who is a super popular bitch, like wtf) told me she knows a lot of gay guys here who would love to "rock my ass" (her way of saying they'd like me :I ), but then again I feel like I'm just not settled enough in my life and don't wanna just rush into anything, like I haven't even started back at my job yet.

But again, I feel like I don't wanna wait too long, because as people get older , they tend to wanna settle down and pair up and I don't wanna be without a partner for the dance of life :<

And then again I know myself and know that I'd be happy with my life if I never came across my Island Knight in Armour, but I also know myself and know I'd be so upset with myself if I never tried.


And it's like, I'm the type of person who is sociable, but I also hold my cards to my chest very closely, so its hard for me to allow myself to be vulnerable that way, because I'm so emotional, like I need my fucking guard up :I

And I feel like one of those bitches from the movie


Where I am so distrustful of men, cause of not only growing up here and the culture, but because I never learned how to talk or even deal with men. Or better said; how to relate to them, cause I've only ever been with and around women. Its where I'm most comfortable.

Why I even like men, I have no clue, I just know they fucking turn me on and it annoys me, cause men are gross!! Ugh >,>

And then that in itself is whats like driving the problem towards the cliff, because I like men, but I don't trust or relate to them. Like I know I am a man myself, but it has never felt like I really was growing up and now I just am Gender fluid I guess, even tho I like being a boy and all, I just don't think in my mind it really ever made an impact. Like I don't care if I am a boy or girl or whatever. I'm just me.

And like, I hate the fact that I'm so good at relating to emotional problems and stuff, but can't figure out what the fuck is going on with my emotional shit x.x .

Like I said I don't trust men, and yet I conversely find myself finding any sort of attention a guy who I like gives me, like his way of saying "marry me and birth my fucking kids" and I would go out of my way to do so.

And its doubly annoying, cause I know more times then not, their intentions are never as I think they are. Like I'm unfortunately just as Logical as I am Emotional, so It's like, Odi what the fuck? Dx

I also am the type of person not to like to take shit lying down and have a tough skin, but I have the softest fucking flesh ever, like I met thing guy who I thought was into me, not too long ago, in fact I'm pretty sure he was. We danced at a party and we laughed about it and became friends like soon after.

Now I'm no fool, I don't immediately fall for some guy and hop on his dick, no ma'am, but as we talked and shit, I started to like him a bit and I made that known (I'm forward, but I didn't say like, fuck my ass or w/e) and then he lands me with the fact that he already has a boo and that he just wanted to dance that night and thought I was a cool Bitch or w/e.

Distraught? That doesn't even like come up close. Like when I say I cried. I never fucking cry, at least not over dumb shit and I felt so dumb :<

So like, now I feel even more conflicted, because how can I be sure of a guy's intentions, if they aren't even sure, like what the fuck?


And I don't trust men when it comes to sex, because I would seriously fuck a nigga up if he were to ever like just use me, and seeing how a lot of guys roll, even growing up, has made me wary of them (hence my lack of understanding/relation toward them).

And not only that but I've seen how they treat my female friends and family members. I've seen how upset my father still makes my mama, cause he flew the coop a few days after I was born and she was 14. And I know that not all men are bad, but in the back of my head I just can't help but think that.

Like of every fucking guy and even that bullshit annoys me, cause my logical side knows better and its like, when it comes to men and my emotions, I have to turn them off, cause they induce my most sensitive ones.

And I hate how crazy all this makes me seem, cause like outwardly, and inwardly too, I am a very friendly and jovial bitch, but when it comes guys and relationships, it goes out my brain window :I

And its like Guys really don't understand what I feel or what I'm talking about, cause the very few men I've tried to relate to, said I "am too emotional" "I think like a woman" and it's just like. Kay, not helping the situation douche >,>

And I know not all men are like that, but I feel like they really don't understand, like Beyonce's fucking video and lyrics really hit home for me in this song;



and it's like they really don't understand. None of the guys do. Most likely because of our old way of thinking "men are men" blah blah. But even the gay ones are like that. Especially the "butch" ones.

And I hate the fact that I'm complaining like this, cause I swore to myself in highschool I'd never complain about my life, cause I could have it so much worse and lately I've been breaking that, what with me complaining about my joblessness and all that shit.

And to make matters worse, I don't even like it when other people dwell on their shit for too long and don't get over it, so I feel like a douchebag and a hypocrite x.x

And like, nearly half if not all the people who will read this(if they even made it this far without thinking I've suddenly lost my fucking fruit loops) will think I'm being overly emotional or that I need therapy and I just feel like I probably am being overly emotional, but that's how bitches are sometimes. We think about shit and get upset x.x


It really just takes me back to the beginning of this tirade, in that I don't know if emotionally I will be able to relate to a guy, only because I don't trust them and its worse because I know why I don't trust them and don't know if I could completely let it go.

Being here, surround by the Penis-wielding men (We seriously need more women :I lol ), I feel like has actually opened my eyes to the fact that not all men are like the ones here. Its allowed me to even make jokes (some of which are sexual, but at least I have control here) that I would've never made with a guy.

But I worry( perhaps too much) over the 'what ifs' in regards to me and my ability to love a man and trust him.

I could easily see myself loving a man, having sex, all that, but it's a matter of will I be able to actual do so, without feeling insecure around them and distrustful of them?

Let's face it, I'm a soft feminine bitch(still tough tho ), so I doubt I'd likely be the one dominating much(except probably verbally lol), so that also bothers me, cause my personality type conflicts with itself, cause I'm not very dominating(outside of my attitude), but I also like to be in control.

I often wonder if this is how women feel, cause It's like, you don't wanna give up that power and be vulnerable, but you wanna do it to make them happy.

Ugh, this has gone on long enough and I'm tired of thinking :crying-and-sorry-li

Please tell me I'm not some psycho-bitch lol. I don't wanna like, chop of my man's dick in his sleep or some shit, cause ain't no body got time for that x.x[/COLOR]

[Woollyhats]

Hahaha, you're basically normal Sylph. We all lose our heads a little around the opposi.... - relevant sex.

Most people are not your type. You'll want someone as sensitive, or sensitive enough, to understand you, yet who is also a man, who isn't just after your body. Basically: A grown up that hasn't lost that inner soft spot. The fact that this is your type of man reflects on your as a person too - what do you think it says about your character, considering this is the type of man you want?

I don't think your desire is as atypical as you might think it is. I also don't think it's as unlikely as many people think to find a guy like that.

You are a very unique person Sylph. You will find someone as unique as you, or who understands someone like you, I am sure. And, since there's always a chance that we won't find someone in this life, maybe it will help to place very little importance on the idea of finding a partner. After all, we go into relationships to be with people we love, not because we love a relationship, I hope. Remember that your value comes from you, if you find yourself worrying or feeling depressed over this.

[MisterTinkles]

Honey, you aren't thinking or feeling anything the rest of us haven't felt, thought, or gone through in life (well, except for the younger ones probably).

As I have stated to several other guys on here, who have pretty much posted the same issues/feelings/thoughts......you are still young. You are still figuring out your life, who you are, what you want out of life, and where you are headed.

Best thing you can do for yourself at this point, is make a Life Chart for yourself. Figure out what goals you want to reach, by a certain time in your life, and place them all on your chart, then hang it on the wall. That way you have a guide to go by, and you don't feel as frustrated.

As far as men go........well, you aren't going to know if he is a player or a liar until the day AFTER you have sex. They either disappear or they get extra clingy. And with you being on an island, Im sure that reputations precede any guy you might find interesting enough to "date" or get friendly towards. So I'm sure you won't have to ask too many people to find out some details about a guy you are interested in.

And I'm sure no guy is gonna mess with you, unless you wanna be messed with.

And my advice I give to all the other young guys on here, pertains to your homely ass too!!!!

You have plenty of time for romance and a man and a life later on. You need to figure yourself out right now, figure out where your life is headed and how you are going to get what you want out of life (as far as education and career goes).

You have got to be happy with you and your own life, before you can share that with someone else.
Otherwise it's just going to be drama, fights, and short term relationships.

You are far from stupid or brainless. You already know what it is you want out of life, as you have told many of us before......you just need to get it all on paper, and figure out what order you want to make things happen and get things done.

After you have gotten your personal life on the right track and in "happy gear", then you will feel more open to adding someone to the mix. And I know you will do this anyway......but you gotta let your sister and mother help you figure out the right guys for you. We all know you won't be happy unless it's someone that really fits you.....and who knows better than your mother and sis!

Get your dreams, goals, and expectations on paper, then you can work it from there. Seeing your life on paper will usually help you decide what it is you really want, and what needs to happen next.

Go gurlfriend! Go!

[Sylph]

Honey, you aren't thinking or feeling anything the rest of us haven't felt, thought, or gone through in life (well, except for the younger ones probably).

As I have stated to several other guys on here, who have pretty much posted the same issues/feelings/thoughts......you are still young. You are still figuring out your life, who you are, what you want out of life, and where you are headed.

Best thing you can do for yourself at this point, is make a Life Chart for yourself. Figure out what goals you want to reach, by a certain time in your life, and place them all on your chart, then hang it on the wall. That way you have a guide to go by, and you don't feel as frustrated.

As far as men go........well, you aren't going to know if he is a player or a liar until the day AFTER you have sex. They either disappear or they get extra clingy. And with you being on an island, Im sure that reputations precede any guy you might find interesting enough to "date" or get friendly towards. So I'm sure you won't have to ask too many people to find out some details about a guy you are interested in.

And I'm sure no guy is gonna mess with you, unless you wanna be messed with.

And my advice I give to all the other young guys on here, pertains to your homely ass too!!!!

You have plenty of time for romance and a man and a life later on. You need to figure yourself out right now, figure out where your life is headed and how you are going to get what you want out of life (as far as education and career goes).

You have got to be happy with you and your own life, before you can share that with someone else.
Otherwise it's just going to be drama, fights, and short term relationships.

You are far from stupid or brainless. You already know what it is you want out of life, as you have told many of us before......you just need to get it all on paper, and figure out what order you want to make things happen and get things done.

After you have gotten your personal life on the right track and in "happy gear", then you will feel more open to adding someone to the mix. And I know you will do this anyway......but you gotta let your sister and mother help you figure out the right guys for you. We all know you won't be happy unless it's someone that really fits you.....and who knows better than your mother and sis!

Get your dreams, goals, and expectations on paper, then you can work it from there. Seeing your life on paper will usually help you decide what it is you really want, and what needs to happen next.

Go gurlfriend! Go!

[COLOR="Green"] You know, normally I hate that " your young" crap, but for once I agree on that Tinkles Bitch. Which is exactly why I feel like I'm probably just being all over dramatic >,>

True about the island-reputation thing, we're hard pressed not to know each other's business, so I'm not concerned about that, it's more or less the idea that its me and a man period. Player or no, I just concern myself with the idea that because I feel a disconnect between myself and men, that I won't be able to make a proper connection when the time comes.

Which by the way is certainly a far ways off, I have no plans to be a wife yet xD

But I never the less agree, I have always believed and even advised here that you have to love yourself first and know where you are in life before you go adding someone else's. And I do love myself, myself is pretty awesome :> , I just don't know quite where I am in life yet and all these years of learning things and experiencing things feel like they ain't helping me a shit x.x

But I do like the idea of writing things down. I've for a long time written mental Pros and Con's for pretty much all decisions I make, even this little spectacle, but like I said, my emotions like to just jump in the way lol. I try to knock them bitches away, but girl >,>

Your probably right as much as I hate to admit it Tinkles bitch :p . I am just a young directionless queen, I just wish on the matter of men I could have more direction. Like I would hate to have my life in order and still feel the way I do about men. :/[/COLOR]

Hahaha, you're basically normal Sylph. We all lose our heads a little around the opposi.... - relevant sex.

Most people are not your type. You'll want someone as sensitive, or sensitive enough, to understand you, yet who is also a man, who isn't just after your body. Basically: A grown up that hasn't lost that inner soft spot. The fact that this is your type of man reflects on your as a person too - what do you think it says about your character, considering this is the type of man you want?

I don't think your desire is as atypical as you might think it is. I also don't think it's as unlikely as many people think to find a guy like that.

You are a very unique person Sylph. You will find someone as unique as you, or who understands someone like you, I am sure. And, since there's always a chance that we won't find someone in this life, maybe it will help to place very little importance on the idea of finding a partner. After all, we go into relationships to be with people we love, not because we love a relationship, I hope. Remember that your value comes from you, if you find yourself worrying or feeling depressed over this.

[COLOR="Orange"]Omg don't make me cry Kuma Puma, you know I'm on edge girl :crying-and-sorry-li calling me Unique and shit :>

Well if I had to answer your (perhaps rhetorical) question;

I would say that the type of man who would attract me, would actually be a poor reflection on who I am, as typically they'd be the type of man to hurt me. I tend to find men who are more Stable, Firm, more "in charge" perhaps even "badass" to be the type of Man I am attracted to and I know not every man with these qualities would hurt me, but I know a good deal would or could. Especially the ones here.

I myself may be sensitive when it comes to guys and a relationship, but outside of that, you know how I am, I'm a lot more tough.

Its hard to explain and it could be because of the mentality here, but I've always grown up knowing and feeling that realistically, I need a supporter, not so much a sensitive person per se, but someone who could pick up where I lack(which in my case is the Masculinity department...oh I hate that M word lol)

And I do value myself, very highly in fact xD none of these boys ain't getting this easy girl lol, but I think my biggest flaw in that aspect, is that I lack so much in common with guys, that I don't know if I'd even be able to relate. It makes me unsure.

Like its so hard to get across how I feel. Its like I'm not even a gender. Or at least not mentally and it feels like it puts an uneccesary divider up.

I of course understand your point Kuma Puma, and I do appreciate your telling me such sweet things. Why can't I just have like a clone of you :p[/COLOR]

[loserguy]

Relax - give yourself time. Life is too short so have a laugh instead of moaning and you'll be all the better for it :-)

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.

[dfiant]

^ Honourary Aussie and a top bloke mate

[CellarDweller]

I can only echo what others have said here.......surprise! You're normal and going through what we all go through!



as for hating that "you're young" comment, people are just pointing out the obvious....you have plenty of time to find a partner for life. Right now you should be enjoying yourself, and learning about yourself!

[jimcrackcorn]

The North American Indians had a phrase for gay men back in the day. They were called "Two Spirits" because they displayed traits of both sexes (man and woman). What your feeling is these two traits in conflict with each other,,,, one is masculine and dominate, the other is feminine and submissive. You don't want to give up the dominate part when your with a man, but you also can't deny your feminine side either. You will have to find balance between the two before you can appreciate the qualities of both,,,, thereby ending the confusion.

Isn't it great being gay!!!!

Love's Ya
Jim

[MisterTinkles]

[COLOR="Green"]
Your probably right as much as I hate to admit it Tinkles bitch :p . I am just a young directionless queen, I just wish on the matter of men I could have more direction. Like I would hate to have my life in order and still feel the way I do about men. :/[/COLOR]

[/COLOR]

What do you mean "probably"?????? You know I am ALWAYS right!!!



WHY are you worried about men all of a sudden? Men have been around for centuries, so they ain't going nowhere!!!

Who knows, your Island Knight might not have even moved there yet. He may be someplace else right now, getting HIS degrees and stuff. Or, you could end up travelling someplace else and getting hit by that asswipe, Cupid!!!

You don't know what path will lead you to the right guy. So, all you can do is work on yourself, get your life in order, do all the things YOU want to do before the time comes along where you are cleaning bathrooms again, and WAHLAH....there he is, taking a leak, with all gay glitter and sparkly light around him when you see him!!!!


Hell, you may fall for a pretty little crackah boy, and YOU will be the "daddy" in the relationship!!!! LOL

The big difference between you and all the others, is that you listen to your instincts. As long as you listen to your instincts and follow your own advice, you will end up where you want to be, and WHO you want to be with. And NO....Drake is too busy for your flat ass!!!

Maybe it's getting to be Spring there and you just got Spring Fever? If so, it will go away in a month or two.

[Sylph]

By the way, I'm feeling in much better spirits after my morning hormonal bitch tears :>

Relax - give yourself time. Life is too short so have a laugh instead of moaning and you'll be all the better for it :-)

Of course I love ya darlin
You're a bloody top-notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No Sheila who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin' ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter what u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the footy's on
And fetch another beer.

I know, I'm an over active emotional bitch lol, I'll learn to stop letting my emotions flare all over the place and knocking people on their asses x.x

And what the fuck to the ...poem? Lol. I'm not even sure what it was supposed to mean. I just saw breasts, feet and was like :0

I guess its sweet, so thanks?

I can only echo what others have said here.......surprise! You're normal and going through what we all go through!



as for hating that "you're young" comment, people are just pointing out the obvious....you have plenty of time to find a partner for life. Right now you should be enjoying yourself, and learning about yourself!

Ugh, I always knew something was wrong with me. I'm normal xD

I knew it was something I'm sure everyone goes through, but a lot of times, I just feel like a lot of people don't understand. It's like looking at a movie where someone is torn from their lover or whatever and I start to break the fuck down and everyone else is like 0.o what's wrong with that bitch xD

And I'm just like... That's some sad shit, like how can you not cry? :<

And I know your right about the young thing, that's why it bugs me :I lol, cause I know it, but my stubborn self don't wanna listen. I do often learn about myself, which is exactly why I have not and don't pursue guys, cause I'm not done yet and it's actually what caused this explosive emotional Tsunami gurl. Cause my friend is so just ahead of me and while she has her problems, her life is pretty well in order and I look at that and think, well what the fuck have I been doing all this time? :I

The North American Indians had a phrase for gay men back in the day. They were called "Two Spirits" because they displayed traits of both sexes (man and woman). What your feeling is these two traits in conflict with each other,,,, one is masculine and dominate, the other is feminine and submissive. You don't want to give up the dominate part when your with a man, but you also can't deny your feminine side either. You will have to find balance between the two before you can appreciate the qualities of both,,,, thereby ending the confusion.

Isn't it great being gay!!!!

Love's Ya
Jim

Holy shit, so many people have actually said that, its starting to shade a colour :0

I do feel like I have that Bi-gender thing going on, however, I don't feel like its me wanting or not wanting to be dominant or submissive per se, but the fact that I feel like I can't express myself with a man the way I can with a woman, cause men are like these 5headed monster things to me x.x and its like they don't know anything other than just being a man.

But as a Libra and as a person, I do think it important that I need to grab my life-bull by the horns and reign that bitch in, cause balance is very important. I agree 100% on that gurl.

What do you mean "probably"?????? You know I am ALWAYS right!!!



WHY are you worried about men all of a sudden? Men have been around for centuries, so they ain't going nowhere!!!

Who knows, your Island Knight might not have even moved there yet. He may be someplace else right now, getting HIS degrees and stuff. Or, you could end up travelling someplace else and getting hit by that asswipe, Cupid!!!

You don't know what path will lead you to the right guy. So, all you can do is work on yourself, get your life in order, do all the things YOU want to do before the time comes along where you are cleaning bathrooms again, and WAHLAH....there he is, taking a leak, with all gay glitter and sparkly light around him when you see him!!!!


Hell, you may fall for a pretty little crackah boy, and YOU will be the "daddy" in the relationship!!!! LOL

The big difference between you and all the others, is that you listen to your instincts. As long as you listen to your instincts and follow your own advice, you will end up where you want to be, and WHO you want to be with. And NO....Drake is too busy for your flat ass!!!

Maybe it's getting to be Spring there and you just got Spring Fever? If so, it will go away in a month or two.

Omg Tinkles bitch, stop being so wise you dirty old Cunt xD

I soooo know this and its' annoying cause your saying it and I know it lol. It's like, why aren't I taking my own advice :I

I know the person who will probably come sweep me off my feet is out there someplace, and I know I shouldn't be worrying over such petty shit, but my two little spirit things on my shoulders always tell me bullshit,lies and fairy tales :I

I'm not concerned or bothered my Men per se, cause like I said, I can just as easily live my life and be happy if I never meet the right guy and I'm okay with that, but I was more or less concerned with myself in regards to men, because of my trust issues with them.

Like in my Mind(and I mean this romantically speaking- you guys are fine, cause I don't find you romantically interesting) Men = Alert Alert. Danger

And its like, why am I even doing that?

And also, for your information, I do happen to like White Men as well, so don't make it seem like me liking a "Crackah" is so far fetched . Bitch :p

And unless it's Miles, I won't be no body's Daddy, mkay?

It is getting to be Summer here, we're doing a quick run through of Winter-Spring this month and then back into Summer :I . so perhaps my Heat Cycle suddenly came on lol.

And Drake most definitely would LOVE my fucking phat ass. But he has to work for it, so don't be a jealous bitch ;3

~~~

[COLOR="Magenta"] Thanks for so many replied you bitches.

I felt like such a tool afterwards, I was like, why did I even like go off it? xD

I had myself a lil cry and went sleep, but now I feel like a brand new bitch, and now I can sorta laugh about it, (like who was that psycho bitch who posted that bullshit xD) so thanks for the advicesssssssss

:hugs-and-kisses-smi:hugs-and-kisses-smi:hugs-and-kisses-smi

You know Odi be a Big ol Queen y'all :p[/COLOR]