So a very close friend I have known for about 7+ years keeps making suggestive statements but can not seem to have a real discussion about having sex with another man. I believe he his bi and has an interest in me but I am hesitant to make the first move because I feel like he would use it as an excuse to tell himself that he went along with it because he was drinking and I wanted it. He stopped over tonight and we had a few drinks, and like usual the conversation turned to sex, I got the feeling he wanted me to hit on him. This is not the first time I have felt this with him and I am pretty sure something has happened with him and another guy in the past (I made a comment to him one time about sex with another guy and he was very embarrassed). I do have feelings for him but I do not want to destroy the friendship. The only time anything "gay' comes up is when he has had a few drinks. I would like to talk about it but it seems the only way he can talk to me is if he is drinking. When we are both just in an everyday situation without alcohol the topic never comes up.
This all just seems so wrong and would like some opinions on it. What would you do in my situation?
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If I liked the guy, and sincerely felt that he was expressing sexual interest, I would open the door for him and give him the opportunity to take it further. Maybe when he comes over and we get to drinking and talking about sex, I'd start talking about some porn I'd seen, and make an excuse to put it on. If he's interested, and wants to play, this will make it very easy for him to do it in a way that he feels in control. Alcohol, plus hot porn, plus two horny guys will lead to sexy play if you're both down for it. Under these circumstances, things just happen, and it eliminates the need for awkward talk and conversation. My guess is that once the porn goes on, and you're both sitting on the couch watching, some sort of sex play will happen.
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I would do nothing.
Your gut is talking loud enough - listen to it.
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I doubt the porn would work, it would make him too uncomfortable right from the start.
As for now I have to go with Bowyn and not do anything, if the opportunity presents itself I will talk to him and see where it goes. I just don't see it happening as he seems to have too many issues with being attracted to another man,
Why is it such a big issue being attracted to the same sex in the world we live in today?
With all the research out there I wish people could get over it.
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I would just tell him you like being friends and dont want to mess things up with having sex put into the equation.
If he's horny, tell him to go to a club and pick up somebody.
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ignore him and find a guy that is going to fullfill your desires of love and romance while he is sober.
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Edit:
So you wanted opinions. I separated my post based on that, since I already wrote advice.
Opinion:
The guy is a loser. He only wants sex when he's drunk, do you want to be a sexual outlet? I wouldn't, but maybe you do. If so, coolio, but beware that he may later say he was taken advantage of. That's my opinion.
Advice:
Ask him if he's hitting on you. "Sorry, maybe I'm just stupid, but are you hitting on me...?".
It'll flip the tables on him. He'll say yes, or think you're watching more carefully and so be more careful.
At least, in theory. If he's drunk, I really don't know what his mental capacity is like.
I would consider not having sex with someone that's drunk... he might not really want sex, and be upset the next day over it.
Also... do you even like him? You don't say or really imply you do... but then, why are you spending time with someone that's bothering you if you don't?
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Honestly, don't do anything. I've met plenty of 'I'm gay when I'm drunk but I'll deny it to my last breath when I'm sober' guys. It really makes for an awkward morning just before the walk of shame starts. You're better off without that shit.
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May I weigh in on this?
The drink = dutch courage
That he is sending out those signals to you = he feels safe to open to you, a measure of his friendship with you
Sexuality is NOT A FIXED THING!!!!!
He may be experiencing a sexuality shift from straight or bi to same-sex, which may or may not be perminent.
OK now some advice (Sorry there has to be some)
What you want is way more important than what he or anybody else want's
Clearly determine what you want first. Only friendship, a fuck-buddy who is also your friend, or relationship.
The first two let you off the emotional hook, the third will only work if you pre-agree to an open relationship, (Those other desires will come back).
Then ask yourself: -
Are you willing to give up the friendship if it goes badly the next day, cause that is a strong probibility.
Are you OK to be his sexuality "sounding-board"
What worked with me with my very best friend goes like this: -
Earn's (his name is Ernest) I don't want to risk stuffing up a really nice friendship by bringing sex into it. You know it could get messy. Lets let things be as they are.
He's since found a partner and we are all good friends, especially since he told his partner I turned him down for the friendship.
If you do decide not be intimate with him, how and when to tell him is your gambol.
I would suggest go nave coffee together.... Or a dinner...
Hope this helps
Trial by error
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Let him make the first move ....and expect that it will never happen. If it does happen...take it from there.
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