How do you feel about hook ups?

[sum132]

tl;dr - Do you think it's bad to have lots of hook ups?


I came out about a year ago and ever since, I have met a lot more gay people and become much more acquainted with the realities of gay dating and sex. Maybe it's just my perception and not true, but it seems like almost every single gay person I have met has had quite a lot of hook ups.

I don't believe that its wrong to have hook ups once in a while. It's not bad to have your sexual needs met and have a little fun while you are young. However, it seems like (at least in my conservative area) gay guys really get around. I might be generalizing unfairly and please correct me if you disagree, but it seems like a really, really high percentage of gay guys end up using hook up apps, criagslist, or just an old fashioned pick up at a gay bar so frequently that they are somewhat ashamed of it.

I've always held to an ideal that I would at least like be in a relationship or at least be considering a relationship with someone before I have sex with him, and so far I have stuck to that ideal. I've only had a sexual experience with three people and when I compare that to what it seems like everyone else is doing, it really kinda makes me feel like I am wasting my youth and should just experiment, join the bandwagon and be like everyone else.

How do you guys feel about hook ups? Do you think it is good to experiment and "sew you wild oats" as they say? Do you think it is a huge mistake to hook up with people? Do you think my perception of this hook up culture is incorrect and that far fewer people actually are as promiscuous as I believe? I want to hear anything you have to say.

[Woollyhats]

Hi, forgive me for being blunt, but you should never do something because everyone else is doing it.

If you want to go for hookups there's no issue but...

1. Be aware of the health risks and how to minimize them.
2. Don't expect love from hook ups.
3. Don't mix up sex and love.

I personally don't like hookups because having sex with a stranger isn't something I'm okay with. I was raised to believe that sex was sacred, and because of that, sex will always be linked to love for me, so I have to be careful.

You have to ask yourself the same question. Are hook ups for you?

If they are, I'm never going to judge you, and you shouldnt' let anyone else do that either.

[VileKyle]

I just read the tl;dr part because I'm lazy today.

My answer is that I don't really care. I'm just not interested in it. You can go ahead and go for it if it sounds fun to you, but please stay safe and don't get infected with alien dick-weasels. I've heard it itches.

[Tyrion]

I personally can't imagine having sex with a stranger. That to me is just creepy. Then again, maybe I'm a prude.

Really though, if someone wants to have a hookup, that's fine, as long as they're playing it safe.

[megumidesu]

if it's safe and consensual then fine. people can do what they want.
i , personally , don't like hook ups. but that's just my personal preference. i won't ever judge someone who does like them , because what someone else does in their sex life has no impact on me and is none of my business.

[Evan88]

Yup people can do what they want but personally it's not really for me...

As long as it's safe though then it's ok. and i think being acquainted before anything would be better..

As for me i just don't like it because 1. It's risky 2. Sex for me is done with love 3. It feels dirty, and you'll have some guilt when the right person comes

People have different opinions about this though..

[CellarDweller]

I don't criticize anyone who has them, but they're not my style.

[Chimpy]

Had bad experiences with them, probably not going to go there again.

Also sometimes when I've thought it was a regular date, it's actually been a hookup :\

[southbiochem]

Ok, sum132.

Please don't let stupid thoughts dominate your head. You have it right so far.

Doing something because other people are doing it is something 15 year olds do, not 25 years olds.

There is no such thing as "wasting my youth". You just have a behavior towards relationships different than other gay guys you have met and that is not a bad thing.

If you do want to try it because you seem attracted to the idea yourself, that's fine. You're free to do it, live your life, enjoy yourself (practice safe sex!)

But don't go for it just because you feel you need to catch up to these guys or because you feel you are "missing out". Trust me, you are not.

I understand, though, what you perceive. I myself have known the gay dating scene where I live is prone to meaningless hook-ups. It is pretty much exacerbated by the fact we can't really go around "being gay" in public, so it's all either indoors or undergroud, gay venues, which obviously tend to fall in the category of "places for hook ups".

But, you can tell by the number of posters here (myself included) that are simply not into hook-ups, that you are by no means alone and that this behavior is not a law in the "gay world".

Again, if you'd like to try it go for it, but if you feel comfortable with your own approach towards dating then you need to scope more until you meet guys on your same page

[writerbry]

Repulsed and disgusted by them. I may not have always felt this way, but I just can no longer stand the thought of having sex with someone I'm not in love with.