I can't get his past out of my head

[paulr0999]

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 months now.
Before we met, I was a virgin, I hadn't so much as kissed another guy. I had kissed girls, but that's it. If anything, I was proud of this, that I had waited until someone that I really liked came along.
However, my boyfriend has had 8 sexual partners in the past, only one with which he actually had intercourse with, the rest were just other kinds of sexual fun. He has been very open about this, and never hid it from me. However, I know I can't exactly blame him for it, but I can't get it out of my head, for whatever reason. It may be jealousy, but I don't even know myself. In some ways I do wish that I had had some more experience before him now, because it probably wouldn't be a problem if I had. I wouldn't say it was a problem until a few weeks ago when he asked one of the guys he had been with (a few times) for a picture of his 'stuff' via a text message. He told me he completely regrets it and knows it was a bad thing to do, but he was just feeling horny and he will never do it again because he now understands the consequences.

I really don't know what to do, because in every other way he is great, but I can't cope with this being a recurring problem all the time. A friend suggested to me that we should take a break from each other, so I can then get some experience, which isn't so much a bad idea, I just don't know if everything will be the same again afterwards, that is if we ever even got back together after it.

Am I being ridiculously unreasonable? I understand that I may be, I just need a little advice. Thanks a lot.

[CellarDweller]

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

Unless you meet virgins each time you start a relationship, every person you couple with will have a past. If this relationship breaks up, you will then also have a past.

What he's done in his past shouldn't be important, it's how he treats you in the present that is.

You need to figure out a way to let this go, because it's your problem, not his.

[loserguy]

Yes you are being very unreasonable.
You need to grow up!

Everyone has a past and nobody should have to justify what happened then. Your boyfriend seems to trust you which is why he told you and you cannot handle the truth. It seems that you are not mature enough to deal with it.

Forget the past and live in the here and now. Recognize what you have and try and make a go of it. But if you want to play childish tit for tat games let him go and find someone you appreciates him and who is mature enough to handle anything that is said to him in confidence.

[Ryocchi]

Wait, people, please, read carefully:

"I wouldn't say it was a problem until a few weeks ago when he asked one of the guys he had been with (a few times) for a picture of his 'stuff' via a text message. He told me he completely regrets it and knows it was a bad thing to do, but he was just feeling horny and he will never do it again because he now understands the consequences"

One thing is feeling insecure because of lack of sexual experience and another completely different is cheating, yeah I know some people don't consider this cheating but he's asking for a picture of one of his exes to masturbate most likely, he's interacting with him while being in a relationship with the op, that is what initiate the insecurities of the op.

He said he wouldn't do it anymore, still you need to set boundaries with him, things you wouldn't put up with each other, so there's a clear communication.

Personally I would have kicked him to the curb, he's still flirting with his exes asking for pictures and stuff, not the most trust-worthy dude in my eyes.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to the forum Paul.

From your post, you already know your being unreasonable. I think the real question is how do you deal with it.

Trust in a relationship has to be earned, and it's a two way thing. Up until now he seems to have been very open with you about his history. You should count yourself lucky. What happens in the past is old news, and the only person who can make it an issue is yourself and your over active imagination! That's why most guys leave their past where it belongs and move forward into a new relationship.

You don't mention how you found out about the text message. If you went snooping then trust is already an issue for you, and you need to talk to him about that.

The one mistake a lot of new couples make is not talking about their expectations, and responsibilities, of what being in a relationship means. Sit down with him and have an honest discussion and set the record straight, and you should be fine going forward.

ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Am I being ridiculously unreasonable?

Oh heavens no child, everyone wants to date a pure virgin.

I'm I being incredibly sarcastic?

[Woollyhats]

Just so you know:

Expecting every partner to be a virgin is unreasonable, and started being so quite awhile ago.

Your insecurity is a little more reasonable because of the pictures your boyfriend sent to his ex, and something to keep a watch on.

[chillythoughts]

wow just wow...

I really see no problems looking at other guys dicks. even if they are exes. masturbating is not cheating nor is looking at other dicks but if he were to give a handjob or blowjob, then Id say theres a problem. grow up dude. also I know some of you are gonna have issues with my point of view here too.

[paulr0999]

Thanks for all your advice guys. Some very different opinions but I understand all of them equally!
I will definitely take them on board, and, even though he is away on holiday at the moment, when he comes back a discussion there will be!
He is absolutely great in every other way and we get on amazingly, it really would be a shame to throw it all away because of his past (and an incident in asking for that photo, which I'm willing to forget!)

Thanks again!

[Undreamt]

only 8 and you are worried?

Also taking a break so that you can fool around with the intention of going back to him eventually? That sounds wierd.
Why not just discuss having an open relationship so that you can learn and get some more experience?