New friends

[Anonymous]

Alrighty, this is gonna sound mighty pathetic to some, but I suck at making friends. I want more than I have now, but it just doesn't happen. I've always been super sociable and always the big personality in any class I take and everyone loves me then, but then when classes are over I can't work up the courage to ask anyone to hang out for two reasons:

1. I'm worried that they'll be left unimpressed by my having a shrunken group of friends (made smaller by two of my buddies going into the Armed Forces, one stabbing me in the back, and one randomly cutting me loose) and therefore not having fun when they're around me.

2. I'm worried they'll say no outright or say yes to avoid being rude and then never have any contact ever again. Long story short, I'm petrified of rejection on any level, mostly cause friends have always come and go or used me anyway except for the three people I'm close with now, including another girl I'm cool with.

As always, there are dozens people who like me a ton in my classes this semester, and I'd say five or six of them would be great to have as friends. Any advice on how to grow a pair, stop being a wuss, man up, and put myself out there for real?

I post this anonymously just cause I'm super duper embarrassed about how much of a loser I make myself into sometimes. :/

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I strongly suggest you learn the difference between acquaintance and friend.

"Not many of us are able to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Many times, they are thought to be the very same thing. The truth is, they are not. In many cases, people mistaken colleagues whom they see and work with everyday as their friends. Some may in the process become your friends but the rest are in fact just mere acquaintances...."

More to be read here: http://surf-my.blogspot.com/2010/04/of-f...ances.html

I think once you understand the difference between these two terms, you will come to also understand that one usually ends up with two maybe three real friends - everyone else is just merely acquaintances.

[imitxu]

I think USA is the only country where friend and acquaintance are used interchangeably. I have been living in the States for 11 years and still don't understand American definition of friend.

[Chris]

I had a lot of acquaintances in the high school but they were only up to party and when I refused they got rid of me. You said "I want more than I have now" so you have to choose: quality or quantity. It's the trap of modern world that people are valued by the number of friends but it doesn't equal happiness. You can be a pretty sociable person having ten best friends or maybe you just want to show others that you're popular?

[alet]

Alrighty, this is gonna sound mighty pathetic to some, but I suck at making friends. I want more than I have now, but it just doesn't happen. I've always been super sociable and always the big personality in any class I take and everyone loves me then, but then when classes are over I can't work up the courage to ask anyone to hang out for two reasons:

1. I'm worried that they'll be left unimpressed by my having a shrunken group of friends (made smaller by two of my buddies going into the Armed Forces, one stabbing me in the back, and one randomly cutting me loose) and therefore not having fun when they're around me.

2. I'm worried they'll say no outright or say yes to avoid being rude and then never have any contact ever again. Long story short, I'm petrified of rejection on any level, mostly cause friends have always come and go or used me anyway except for the three people I'm close with now, including another girl I'm cool with.

As always, there are dozens people who like me a ton in my classes this semester, and I'd say five or six of them would be great to have as friends. Any advice on how to grow a pair, stop being a wuss, man up, and put myself out there for real?

I post this anonymously just cause I'm super duper embarrassed about how much of a loser I make myself into sometimes. :/

I'm bad in making friends to, I find some who are possible to make friend with but I refuse to ask for hangout with several reasons, included the two reasons of yours too.
I also have a lot of come-and-go friend, that's why for me it's useless to spend a lot of time to build a solid friendship, they will just go as they want.

But you don't need to feel super duper embarrassed, since you are trying to fix that. Me? I try to get used to my loneliness instead of fighting for my inferiority complex