He asked sex from me and he's my best friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure where to post this, bu this might be the right place. I’m straight man and I've a friend, a best friend. I'm 29, he's 31. We know each other since we were kids and he’s one of the few true friends that I have. He's even more like a brother to me than simple friend. I guess this is why I was so surprised about his behavior. One evening we were chilling together after job and then he asked if he could ask me something intimate. I agreed and then he was like „would you mind very much to have sex with me?”

To be honest, my jaw dropped to the ground. I couldn't believe that he has really said that. I thought that he’s probably just having me on and I tried to laugh, but then I realized he’s dead serious. I told him I won’t have sex with him and I asked why would he ask it. He answered that he has found himself turned on by gay porn and he would like to try it with a man. I support gay rights, however I can't imagine myself in the bed together with another man. I told him that and he said it was pity. I never thought he could be interested in men. I always thought he was straight, because he’s had so many girlfriends.

After this question of his I feel really weird and I'm thinking about it all the time. He has called me multiple times and apologized for that. Of course, I won't let this incident spoil our friendship, however I don’t understand why did he ask it from me? I'm his best friend after all. Why didn't he go to the places where there are many homosexuals, like gay bars? Why me? Does it mean he thought I'm gay?

[Wolfpack]

He probably just finds you very attractive,it is quite common for gay men to find straight men attractive more so if they are close friends,i am sure many people on here will tell you the same thing.You are right do not let it spoil your friendship,try not be weirded out by it, hard as it may be try to take it just as a compliment,but be firm but kind with your friend tell him that you cannot have sex with him,that you are not attracted to him in that way but you value your friendship with him very much and thank him for being honest about how he feels.

[Chimpy]

It may be the case that he isn't 100% hetero but has tried to leave a 100% straight life. Try to imagine it from his point of view. All the years of being someone he knows he isn't. He obviously feels very close to you and naturally that kind of feeling can overlap with romantic feelings if the person is inclined that way.

[Mark]

I'd say not to over think it. Maybe he is just curious and wants to experiment and chose you simply as he knows you'd be safe? He might not be into it just wants to play around and find out!

[jogu656]

yeah its happened to me a few times, I make straight guy friends and somehow they always end up asking to have sex, I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted, LOL I don't get it myself, I thought since they didn't know me well enough it was easier, but reading your story I see that it happens more than I thought, its a bit insulting that they think just because were gay were gonna have sex with them LOL, talk about a stereotype, but I see your point, long friendship are worth more than a moment of heat

[Woollyhats]

He might, but whether he thought you were or not, your sexuality is separate from his beliefs. So don't feel insecure. I'm also sure your friend must trust you alot to ask something like that... or love you very much. If you're worried you feel that back, it might be a little harder, and you'll have a few personal choices to make.

[Cuddly]

If this is all new to him... Maybe he just wanted to know if you felt the same. To know If such "confusion" was normal.

[southbiochem]

Well first his bi-curiosity has probably been there for a while, so even if he has had many girls he could have been thinking about men for years. It is not strange with bisexuals to opt for the "straight life" to avoid the discrimination.

As to why he would ask you, I can say it would be obvious to me that given your friendship he trusts you enuogh to tell you this. He probably feels uneasy about attempting something with random strange guys and so he confided in you. This also means he finds you appealing. But what's very important is that he feels close enough to you to confess this kind of thing.

Now, you've made your stance clear, and that is the best thing you could have done. If he's apologizing, I think the boundaries have been made clear.

This is good, because this means there is little chance for the friendship getting ruined.

So, I understand it is awkward and maybe shocking for you to find out about this side of him, and furthermore about the question, but don't overthink it too much and try to take it as a compliment and as a sign of trust.

All in all you will remain good frineds from what I've read.

[obroin]

Sounds to me that he's bi-sexual and curious to try sex with a guy - he feels close to you and is attracted to you. While I can understand your shock - especially if you view him like a brother - it sounds as though he's understood you're not interested in taking your relationship there and has respected you and apologized. It probably took a lot for him to take the risk to ask and I wouldn't let it jeopardize your relationship. Forgive and let go of it would be my advice. Good luck

[Bowyn Aerrow]

HE trusts you and most likely has a bit of attachment to you because you are, you know, best buddy and stuff.

You two need to set this behind you and stop stewing on it. He needs to stop apologizing. Actually he didn't need to apologize in the first place - he asked you nicely you declined and that should have been that.

YOU need to tell him to stop apologizing, you don't need to be apologized too. You are flattered that he finds you that attractive/trustworthy to be his potential first guy... so he paid you a great honor by offering his honor to you.

IF you do not understand that that is what this all means well hopefully you can now see it that way.

As for being 'turned gay'... Yes there are special circumstances when a person can be turned gay... however its not through fun (positive) stimulation. People who are really turned from straight to gay have had a traumatic (often deeply traumatic) experience such as being raped that leads them to seek comfort in the arms of the other gender that hasn't done them harm.

Most likely what is really happening is your buddy is actually bisexual and its leaning more to the gay side when it comes to sex because he watched way too much porn. Porn leads us to having fantastic fantasies about potential pleasures, but the reality is rarely that fantastic - its often messy, awkward with ups and downs.

He most likely has this fantasy image of what he things gay sex is. And doesn't have a real image of what real gay men do... After all no porn movie I have seen (granted I haven't seen them all) takes time to show the condom being put on. Instead the condom magically appears when oral turns to anal.

Fantasy.... He needs to seriously weigh what it is about gay porn he thinks is that hot before he goes out an tries gay sex with a man.