first love at 40

[ddd]

east,
its not illegal to be gay, but peoples attitude changes when they know u are gay, I had to deal with rejection while i was little and had daddy issues too. I worked hard to be where i am in life today. and dont want to experience anymore rejection..
there is so much gossip, judgment and name calling.. some guys does care about it, but i do...I Hope it answers your questions.
Thanks for your input

I'm really sorry to read that and I hope this attitude will change with time. And I wish you to meet a guy who will love you and will be able to support you.

[tonex]

ddd, thanks for your post, im glad you understand where im coming from, thanks for your word of encouragement. i think im need to accept the situation as it is, im still in shock and have to process it and no over analysis coz it will drive me crazy too.

[CellarDweller]

I'm of the opinion that you can't have a healthy, adult relationship until you accept who you are, and your sexuality. Until you do, your agenda to protect your secret will always take priority over, and get in the way of your relationship. You seem to be pretty committed to staying in the closet, and if that's the case, how do you expect to be able to maintain a loving, open relationship?

100% correct. If your relationship would've continued in this manner, it wouldn't have been healthy, you would've been each other's 'dirty little secret' and no relationship can survive that.

[tonex]

thanks cellardweller,
unhealthy or not i love him, every nite before prepping for bed we chat on the phone and he would also be the first person i would talk to in the morning, usually he would send me an sms. Now i miss all that, im a freak, im always checking my phone to see if he sent me a message, this morning i got an sms early in the morning, he would usually call at that time, and no one ever call me that early, i was hoping it was him only to find out that it was the cable company. i was so pissed.

[Chris]

Where exactly do you live? I live in Poland and some people prefer to stay in closet, saying that society's attitude is negative. But that's not true. I came out everywhere and everyone was cool so I live easier life than many western people So if you're saying that homosexuality is legal, maybe you're just scared although there is nothing to be afraid about.

[bootsguy]

You can always explore the world, see places, meet people and experience some things to know what the world has in store for you.