Father against me having a gay friend

[Anonymous]

My parents are old fashioned and Christian. I'm Christian too, but I'm very liberal person and I believe God does not make mistakes and we're all created the way we should be. My dad always tells me that he raised me to be a child of God and that's why I should try to stay away from sinning in any form. I think it's hopeless to educate him about homosexuality, as he's so sure about his truth "God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam", that he wouldn't even listen to me.

My friend asked me today if he could come over so we could study together for math test. He's very good at math and I'm not. I didn't tell him the truth so I just told that maybe we could study in the park or somewhere. I can't come to his place, because he has small living place and big family with 4 siblings. I just can't start talking about it with him, I don't know how to start explaining to him this idiocy that my parents believe to be true.

I've told them lots of times I don't want to study, they don't take it seriously. I believe there'll be a big scandal when I'll finish high school.

[princealbertofb]

Well, ...
What will they do if I refuse to study - throw me out of the house or what?

That's an interesting question. Maybe one you should ask them... but the basics of it are that they've probably got to feed you and house you until you're of age (and you'll be of age soon). Other than that, once you're 18, you could be your own man, and you could be out of the house. What I mean is your parents no longer have any obligations, by law, to sustain you, your life, your health, your room and board. But they are surely not the kind of parents who would kick you out.

Note that some gay young people do get kicked out of their homes even sometimes before they are 18. It's a sad affair. But they probably feel less in danger from running away or having to find a temporary solution in shelters etc.

What Bowyn is suggesting about compromise makes a lot of sense on at least two levels.

One: you don't want to become estranged from your parents. Nobody wants that, generally, unless the family situation gets much too uncomfortable and confrontational. Two: in suggesting a compromise you appear as someone who's no longer a kid, you look like someone who's given it some intelligent thought. However, you need to be practical. Do your homework on finding out what sort of job you'd like to do. Do your homework on finding someone who'd be willing to employ you, and / or finding an apprenticeship somewhere. Money doesn't grow on trees, as you probably realise.

For the moment, what your parents see is that you are just a schoolboy with no particular skills to peddle in the business world, so you'll really have to up your game on that. Talk to school counsellors about a career in something. Maybe there's a short course of studies (like a couple of years) coupled with some practical training at the same time which would soon allow you to live your life the way you wish. Are jobs easy to come by in your area? I don't see you getting a place to live in on your own in the near future, without being able to pay the rent. You might, if necessary, share accomodation with roommates, which makes it more affordable, but that again will depend on how much you are able to make for a living. You'll also have to get it in your head that you'll have to forego any funding from your parents. If they do offer to help you pay for things, then lucky you! I'm sure they'd be ready to spend money on your university if you decided to go, but if you're earning, they won't see the necessity to give you the same amount of money, probably. Anything that comes your way from your parents will be a bonus.
Another idea: have you got an aunt or uncle, a grandfather or grandmother, with whom you could share these issues? They know your family, and your parents and might have some handy tips on how to handle things. Try it.
Good luck, young man.

[Anonymous]

If I'll be earning, they I won't need anything of them, I'll have my own money which would be awesome. It would be ok to live with some roommate for a while and I live in quite big city so I believe some jobs might be available still. Like I said, those friends of mine who are working say that if you try hard, it's not very complicated to find a job. I would be ready to do anything in order to be independent. Every day it becomes more and more harder to live with my parents.

[Cuddly]

Every day it becomes more and more harder to live with my parents.

There's a reason most move out

But paying your own rent (and bills in general) is surprisingly hard, especially if you have specific requirements, like a relatively big appartment in central <city>. Maybe you should look into what kind of pay those friends of your's get and what kind of rent they pay. There's a reason most students (who do not live with their parents) eat ketchup on bread (sometimes with the moldy edges cut off) for the last couple of days of the month.

[Jaxx37]

Living with your parents can be tough going, especially when they have very different views and seem to be going out of their way to lock you into a path that you don't want to take for yourself. You need to get out there and see for yourself what jobs/apprenticeships etc. are on offer, you want to make sure that when you have this discussion with your parents and inform them that you don't want to go to university that you're armed with a plan of some description so that they understand how serious you are about wanting to live your own life, your own way.

It's important to think carefully about your skill set and what it is that you want to get out of your working life - you're a long time working so it's best to use the skills you have and try and do something that you will find fulfilling, at your stage in life this may mean trying your hand at several different jobs before you find something that you love doing. A task made more difficult than ever thanks to the current economic climate. That being the case you must be prepared for those moments in your life where money is tight and choices are difficult. Finding a job which is fulfilling and also pays well isn't always as easy as you hope. I know right now you're happy to seek 'anything' in order to have the money to get away from home and strike out on your own and that need for independence is natural and your work ethic is to be commended, just remember to have a long term plan, that way it will make the conversation with your parents and any future disappointment they may have (not because they don't like the idea of you working but because they EXPECT you to go to uni and carry on the family tradition) will be softened slightly by your own feelings of self worth because you're doing what feels right for you. It's your life and you must decide what to make of it, not them or anyone else.