Bi Men in the Gay Community

[Jaxx37]

I honestly wouldn't mind folks having that attitude towards me if it were true, but the truth is I'm a hopeless romantic - a poet at heart who's looking for real love with someone special. I guess one of the problems for me finding that someone special is that most people don't take me seriously when I say I'm bisexual, my straight friends try to set me up with guys (which is fine, some of them are really nice and I know they're just trying to help) and then I don't have as much access to the LGBT community as I'd like because I have to be careful where I live (due to my job and living in the area I teach in). Plus of course it's next to impossible to convince my straight friends to come to a LGBT friendly bar or anything because it's not the pub we normally go to etc.That means that the few women I meet who may or may not be interested, likely not - there's a reason I said 'hopeless' romantic, often fall into that category of 'uncertain of my intentions' or 'don't trust women who are bi'.

I wish I were more able to get out there in the LGBT community, perhaps if I did I'd come across more people who would accept me for who I am. Mind you most people just seem to think I'm just confused as I say and that this phase will pass so that I'll either decide I'm straight or a lesbian, they don't seem to care which as long as they can categorise me into a 'known' box without understanding where I'm coming from or what my true feelings are. It's frustrating at times, why can't life be more simple? Sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm wrong about this and they're right - maybe I am just confused... but I really don't think that I am.

[AlohaShannon]

Jaxx, I really appreciate how you're able to communicate what is weighing on your heart. Thank you for being so open with us! I imagine you also have issues with most men if/when you tell them that you are bisexual. I'm certain that many would respond with a desire to fulfill a threesome fantasy and look to you to make that happen. If this isn't the case with your experiences then that is super awesome and I'm sorry I brought it up. If it has happened, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with us piggish men!

I'm gonna move to Scotland so we can be drinking buddies and be super confused together!!!

[Melody]

I honestly wouldn't mind folks having that attitude towards me if it were true, but the truth is I'm a hopeless romantic - a poet at heart who's looking for real love with someone special. I guess one of the problems for me finding that someone special is that most people don't take me seriously when I say I'm bisexual, my straight friends try to set me up with guys (which is fine, some of them are really nice and I know they're just trying to help) and then I don't have as much access to the LGBT community as I'd like because I have to be careful where I live (due to my job and living in the area I teach in). Plus of course it's next to impossible to convince my straight friends to come to a LGBT friendly bar or anything because it's not the pub we normally go to etc.That means that the few women I meet who may or may not be interested, likely not - there's a reason I said 'hopeless' romantic, often fall into that category of 'uncertain of my intentions' or 'don't trust women who are bi'.

I wish I were more able to get out there in the LGBT community, perhaps if I did I'd come across more people who would accept me for who I am. Mind you most people just seem to think I'm just confused as I say and that this phase will pass so that I'll either decide I'm straight or a lesbian, they don't seem to care which as long as they can categorise me into a 'known' box without understanding where I'm coming from or what my true feelings are. It's frustrating at times, why can't life be more simple? Sometimes I find myself wondering if I'm wrong about this and they're right - maybe I am just confused... but I really don't think that I am.

Your not confused , a lot of people are just ignorant about bisexuality , I have the same problem as you even though I'm a lesbian I don't have any lesbian friends and most of my friends are straight one bisexual , one of my friends think I'm confused because I'm too girly to be a lesbian . I did find this place where lesbian women can get together and hang out but I'm saving up for some outfits to look nice , I'm hoping at least I can make some lesbian friends I want people that understand me . The weird thing is my friend who is straight is pulling away from me since I came out to her and hardly ever calls me . I think the best thing I can do is go to places by myself because my friends sure don't want to go which sucks >.<
I think the reason your friends keep setting you up with guys is because most straight people think bisexual women are women that just like to sleep with women but only want relationships with men . another thing could be is they don't any lesbians or bisexual women

[James]

Ex was bi, have know bi's most of my life, I really don't have a problem with them. I am the Godfather of ex's child. He is into a relationship with a wonderful young lady and caring mother, she brought my god son over sunday and he was actually awake. No hard feelings ever. We are all in this life together and should understand each other and get along, Jim

[Jaxx37]

Still can't work out this whole 'quote' thing, I know it's probably really easy... I'll get the hang of it eventually! Apologies for the clumsy nature of this post!

@ Shannon - It's nice to be able to be open about my feelings and know I have support from people who 'get it'.

That's something that I have basically tried to avoid in past relationships with lads for that very reason, I figure the moment I tell a lad 'hey you know what I'm bi' then it's like an open invitation for them to suggest a threesome. That said I'm much more confident now and tend to only date people that I'm friends with first, so they already know both that I'm Bi and that I have no interest in using that to fulfil that particular fantasy... unless it's with Angie Harmon... then how could I resist? Of course I don't date much anyway since I'm a workaholic and there's so much confusion that not dating just makes things easier somehow,

You should definitely come to Scotland - we'd make awesome drinking buddies in our confused world! *Raises glass* 'A toast to our confusion, my friend!'

@ Melody, thank you. When I'm on the forum or when I'm thinking things through myself then I know that I'm not confused, that being bisexual is normal/natural etc. Then I go out into the real world and people seem to have a completely different take on things. Plus of course given that I'm now almost 30, dear lord how'd that happen?? I'm at a stage where LGBT groups kind of don't cater to my age group anymore like they would have while I was at Uni etc. I really should have joined an LGBT group while I was still at Uni but I didn't for so many reasons I can't even count them! Mainly because I was trying to convince myself that I was straight. I do have a friend who's also bi but as I said most of my mates are straight so you're probably right - they've introduced me to guys cos they only know single guys and so they're trying to help... although now they've told me they're not going to set me up with anyone so that's likely a good thing! I'm not cut out for the whole dating scene anyway!

I'm glad that you've found a place where you can meet other lesbians and be yourself - I'm sure you'll meet lots of lovely lasses As for being too girly to be lesbian, no way - it really doesn't work that way at all. It's all to do with the heart - the heart wants what it wants, anyone who thinks a person's sexuality is determined by whether or not they're 'girly' or 'butch' or whatever just hasn't been paying attention. Hell if it's to do with being 'girly' or not then I should be a fully paid up lesbian since a lot of my attitude/manner is quite masculine, I've always been a bit of a tomboy - only wear make up at work, don't wear skirts/dresses, love action movies etc. so if you were going by stereotypes then my 'decision' would be easy wouldn't it? I'd be lesbian and that's that, things aren't that simple though and as I say - the heart wants what it wants.

I'm really sorry to hear that your friend is distancing herself from you - that sucks People can be so weird about these things. I hope that she comes round and accepts you for who you are and not for who she thinks you should be. Having to go through this alone is tough, if folks would stop judging everyone life would be so much simpler. Keep your chin up bonnie lass - you're doing just fine and if she can't accept you as you are then she's a fool.

I have a good friend who I know supports me and if I talk about being attracted to a woman - say an actress or sports star for example, then she's happy for me to ramble on about it but when I talk about the lass I've been in unrequited love with for years she gets a little weird about it, like suddenly I'm talking about a 'real' woman and it's not hypothetical so she's uncomfortable about it. Maybe I'm imagining it though, my friends do think I need to stop pining over a love that can't be so that may be it. I haven't told my family I'm bi because I know some of them will react badly and to be honest I can't deal with that on top of all the other stuff life throws my way. I'll tell them if/when I find that special someone.

@ James, thank you so much for your wise words. They make me feel a whole lot better about things