05-06-2014, 02:20 AM
Hello. THis is m first time on a forum so here it goes!
I'm 45 and have been with my husband for 18 years. In 2001 he was diagnosed with CML (a type of Leukemia that is chronically managed). Since then our sex life disappeared. It was never that great to begin with. In the past 7 years we've had no sex at all. This was hard because I'm a horn dog and had to deny myself of any sex. We did cuddle often which filled that intimacy need but that eventually got old. I finally cheated on him. I felt guilty but let me tell you, the sex was amazing (I don't intend to be mean by saying that, just being truthful). My husband knows about my cheating.
We ended up separating for 8 months. During this time I realized that I was growing apart from my husband for many years. While we are wonderful to each other (get along great, love to do many of the same things together, don't fight…it's easy to live with him), I feel no passion or desire to be intimate with him at all. I have to admit, I don't find him attractive anymore at all. I think this started several year ago when the sex faded.
During my separation I also dated guys and fell in love. I didn't plan on that, but it happened. It was wonderful in all respects. It showed me what I was missing for all those years and I realize that If I had to do it all over again (get married to my husband again) I would not do it.
My husband was pushing and pushing for me to return home while we were separated and after 8 months, I gave in and returned. Now I'm sitting here realizing that I made a mistake to return, or returned too early at the very least.
I called it off with the guy I fell in love with while I was separated. This has been painful but we (my new love and I) want to respect my current marriage.
That said, here I am trying to decide to stay or get a divorce. It's like I need to decide between this:
1. Stay with my husband and have a predictably safe and secure life and settle for a passionless marriage.
2. Get a divorce and start a new life with someone I feel passionate about and build (hopefully) a new safe and secure life.
Stay for security/financial reasons or leave for passion?
I'm 45 and have been with my husband for 18 years. In 2001 he was diagnosed with CML (a type of Leukemia that is chronically managed). Since then our sex life disappeared. It was never that great to begin with. In the past 7 years we've had no sex at all. This was hard because I'm a horn dog and had to deny myself of any sex. We did cuddle often which filled that intimacy need but that eventually got old. I finally cheated on him. I felt guilty but let me tell you, the sex was amazing (I don't intend to be mean by saying that, just being truthful). My husband knows about my cheating.
We ended up separating for 8 months. During this time I realized that I was growing apart from my husband for many years. While we are wonderful to each other (get along great, love to do many of the same things together, don't fight…it's easy to live with him), I feel no passion or desire to be intimate with him at all. I have to admit, I don't find him attractive anymore at all. I think this started several year ago when the sex faded.
During my separation I also dated guys and fell in love. I didn't plan on that, but it happened. It was wonderful in all respects. It showed me what I was missing for all those years and I realize that If I had to do it all over again (get married to my husband again) I would not do it.
My husband was pushing and pushing for me to return home while we were separated and after 8 months, I gave in and returned. Now I'm sitting here realizing that I made a mistake to return, or returned too early at the very least.
I called it off with the guy I fell in love with while I was separated. This has been painful but we (my new love and I) want to respect my current marriage.
That said, here I am trying to decide to stay or get a divorce. It's like I need to decide between this:
1. Stay with my husband and have a predictably safe and secure life and settle for a passionless marriage.
2. Get a divorce and start a new life with someone I feel passionate about and build (hopefully) a new safe and secure life.
Stay for security/financial reasons or leave for passion?