Need advice on this guy I met.

[SilentFilm1988]

So it was the end of March I met this guy at a club named Dustin. I had gone out to the club originally that night by myself, but at one point in the night we locked eye contact, and he came over toward me. What set this guy apart from other guys I've met at clubs was he was sober, we weren't making out, or "grinding" on the dance floor, we were just talking. Talking and sort of dancing together. Anyway, so the club closes, and we leave, he tells me I should text him and he gives me his number, then he offers to give me a ride back to my place.

We get to my place and have a nice chat in his car for like 20 minutes talking about this and that. I had told him I'm new to living in the city and wanted to make new Friends, and he said that he would be up for that, to message him if I want to hangout sometime. Then we called it a night, I went inside, and he drove home, the next morning I get a text with him saying he enjoyed meeting me, had a lot of fun that night, and wanted to meet up again real soon.

So since then, we have not met in person since that night, but have talked through text messages. It was one day we were texting each other and I discovered we had very similar taste in TV Shows and movies. I'd asked him here and there if he wanted to hang out, but he would say he couldn't because he had plans.

My question is what should I do? I told a friend in real life about this guy who basically said he's a flake and I should move on. While I do think the guy is cute, I only have interest in him as a possible new friend. Part of me wants to ask him if he'd like to hang out again, but I'm worried he will think I have the hots for him or that I'm being "pushy" and it will make him go running which is the last thing I want.

[jimcrackcorn]

From what you've said so far,,, it sounds like this guy isn't all that interested in investing in a new friendship.

I'd throw the ball back in his court,, and tell him to give you a call whenever he's got some time to hang-out. After that,,, I'd consider the friendship moot and not spend any more time thinking about this guy.

Sometimes prospective friendships don't work out.

Good luck,
Jim

[jogu656]

Well I personally think from what you've motioned that a good time was had by both of you, it all set up perfectly, I say its ok I mean you did let him know you were looking for friends, he offered that you both should hang out to let him know, so I say let him know, if he doesn't make an effort than yes he is a flake and at least you tried, you have nothing to lose but a potential flake.

[Cuddly]

It could be that he's actually busy, with work or studies or some other guy. That doesn't necesarily mean he doesn't want to see you. I would take Jim's advise and tell him you really want to hang out, but feel pushy for constantly asking and that you would like it if he would text/call you when he had time to hang out.

[ddd]

Like Jim has mentioned above it looks like he is not really interested in investing in a new friendship. Maybe like Cuddly said he is busy with work, studies or a lot of other friends. Call him once again and tell him that he can contact you if he wants to hand out with you for a couple of drinks, nice chat or a movie. Then stop texting him for a while. If he is interested in friendship, he will show that by texting/calling you, appearing in a club/other place you usually hang out with friends. But don't forget, not everytime when someone is nice and have common interests (in music, tv shows, movies, sports etc) with you, he is ready to build a new friendship. Some people just like to have a nice chat with someone new for a couple of hours and that's all. Never mind what the final result will be, don't let yourself down - there are a lot of potential new friendships out there.

[SilentFilm1988]

Thanks everyone for the replies and the advice. Based on my experiences I think are there gay men out there that legit want to just be friends, with no sex involved at all? I'd like to add that when me and Dustin would talk through text usually I would initiate the conversation say something like "Hey how are you?" Or something like that, and only 2 times did he initiate, 1 being what I said above when he text me the morning after we met. Our last text conversation was on the 1st of this month, I was waiting to see if he would text me and so far he hasn't, which may or may not speak volumes on his part. Should I text him tonight, see if he replies and if he does start a pleasentry conversation and then give him an ultimatum? Try one last chance if he wants to hang out?

I really hate meeting the guys that seem nice and then end up not being that way. Had Dustin been all over me at the club, been drunk, or said point blank all he wants is sex then I would have dropped him a LONG time ago. But, it felt refreshing when I discovered we had similar interests because I don't have a ton of gay friends. The majority of my friends are actually female. Anyway, what do you guys think based on what I just said that are last conversation was on May 1st and he hasn't made an effort to contact me since then, is it time for me to move on or give the guy 1 last chance?

[ChadCoxRox]

I'd plan something with someone else and invite him by text to join. Or plan myself a date and try to hook him up with a friend for a double. Poker, bowling, fishing, biking, hiking invitations can start with "a buddy and I are going so thought I'd see if you want to join?" That way you are making the effort to be a friend. If he does not take the offer I'd drop it cold and old.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

A relationship has to start somewhere, and it rarely starts when two guys jump into bed with each other after 30 seconds.

I would ignore your friends "flake" assessment, after all they haven't met him or spent anytime talking or texting. Perhaps your friend fancies you and is putting out spoilers (you'd be surprised how common that is!)

What's the worst that can happen?

Why not arrange to hook up for a coffee and continue to build the friendship and see where it leads

ObW
X

[JWS]

Forget about him! If he wanted to meet u but was actually busy he'd say I'm busy tonight but how another day. If he hasn't suggested another time to meet he's trying to say politely that he's not interested.

[AlfredM]

I really hate meeting the guys that seem nice and then end up not being that way. Had Dustin been all over me at the club, been drunk, or said point blank all he wants is sex then I would have dropped him a LONG time ago. But, it felt refreshing when I discovered we had similar interests because I don't have a ton of gay friends.

This happened to me quite a few time actually. Before meeting up with a friend that I know online,we text almost daily,but after meeting up,poof,vanished into thin air (LOL).

Anyway,I met another guy yesterday,who I've been in contact even longer than anybody else before. He seems genuine,very interesting to me,and hopefully I do as well to him. He's a lot older actually,like 14 years older.

So I told him about all these online friends that I met and never contacted me again (more like never replied to my messages,I attempted once or twice at most,and if no reply,I drop it). He answered simply,"they're just not into you".

I've always thought it's just something in TV shows,but he said,it is easier and stronger for a friendship based on mutual dislike instead of mutual like on something. Although I've never actually started such a friendship,nor could I find one thing that my close friends and me hate so much,so I can't really relate to this idea,but maybe I could try it the next time I attempt an online friendship. LOL. :biggrin:

Oh,to answer your question,I'd say give an ultimatum. And drop the friendship if no feedback. Period.