Trying to make more out of life.

[throughtheeyes]

First I am sorry if this is not in the appropriate forum but I dont know where else to go for advice.

I am 27 years old with a steady job, a loving boyfriend, and great friends. I should be happy and content, but I'm not. I need to make changes to my life but every time I try it ends up worse.

Everyday i trudge through work doing the best I can to keep it together. The weekends I spend with my boyfriend pretending I am ok. Every morning I wake up and hate what I see in the mirror.

I have always wanted to make a difference, but cant even change myself.

I cant keep living this way. I can seriously feel it eating away at my sanity. I know I wont survive unless I do things differently but after having tried for so long I cant get past the thought that it isnt even worth it.

Please any advice or something would help greatly.

I want to be happy. I want to be fulfilled. I just cant make it happen.

[jogu656]

I think you need to be honest about how you feel with your boyfriend, it eats you up more because he doesn't understand what you're going through and therefore cant support and try to help. Suppressing feelings can be worse, what in particular do you feel needs to change about yourself?

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Is it your relationship you are not feeling fulfilled, is it your physical appearance or just life in general, job etc?

If you can give us some more information, then Im sure people will offer advice.

ObW
X

[ddd]

I agree with ObW - We need more information, about the main issue that makes you feel unsatisfied with your life. Is it connected with your current relationship, job or something in your past? You have to be more specific about your feelings. This is the only way you can get proper advice here.

[Wolfpack]

You need to dig within yourself and find what is missing in your life that is causing you to feel like this.
Your job? , boyfriend ? Or something else.

Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you out?

[Brett240]

I agree with the others - though I guess the question is, do you even know what's causing you to feel this void? If you can't pinpoint it, then try approaching it from another angle. Imagine your ideal life. What would that be like?
The one thing I picked up on was when you said that you've always wanted to make a difference. Do you feel that your life lacks purpose and meaning? If so, Imagine a life where you were making a real difference. What would you be doing?
You can't just change yourself - sometimes you need to work from the outside in. If you get involved in something that you're passionate about, you learn and expand and grow as a person.

[throughtheeyes]

I thank everyone for their responses and sorry I wasn't very specific in my original post.

Honestly, it is a little bit of everything.

Work drives me insane because it is the same thing every day. Thankfully at least there is always something to do, but it is all the same junk. Every day just pushing papers. I have always felt like I was meant for more. I apologize if that sounds a bit conceited. The job is just not rewarding at all either. I have always wanted to do something that was making a difference, but I cant figure out what that something would be and have it be something I would enjoy as well.

Physically I can't stand myself. I am overweight and over the last several years I have pretty much given up on working out. I will never be one of those guys with the shredded six pack and bulky biceps and that is really how I want to look. I am tired of constantly feeling like people are judging me because if what I look like and don't even get me started on going shopping for clothes!

My relationship is the only thing that is going pretty well. My boyfriend tries to be supportive, but can't really understand where I am coming from when I talk to him about these issues. Sometimes he asks "doesn't being with me make it any better" which it does but he seems to think that things should magically get better. When I talk about some of this stuff he tends to get worried more than he should. One other thing that has been tugging on my mind is that my boyfriend is not at all who I imagined I would be with. I am not saying I am unhappy with him, I just cant shrug off the thoughts.

I have though about going to a therapist and have started looking into finding one. I have had counseling in the past due to a short stay in the hospital after a suicide attempt several years ago, but the counseling was really just a joke and waste of time.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Well, lets break these into the chunks you have identified:

1. Work. Unfortunately most of us have to work in order to pay the bills. We may not like the work we are doing, but we recognise that in order to survive in this world there is a need to maintain an income, and usually thats by working. If changing career is not an option at this stage, how about taking on some volunteer work outside of your core day job business hours. Even a few hours a week, volunteering in the community can be very rewarding. Everyone has skills, find someplace that can use yours. And it doesn't have to be related to your day job.

2. Low body image. This is harder to address, since the only person who can address it is you. Few of us will ever attain the perfectly sculptured body which seems to adorn most of the online gay porn actors, which in turn can make us feel inadequate. You can join a weight watchers type program, or you can resolve to set yourself some goals and stick to them. Its a sad reflection on life to say that you are what you eat. So change what you eat, it really is as simple as that. There are plenty of smartphone apps that can help you identify good/bad/healthy/unhealthy foodstuffs. Use the technology to guide you. If you want it badly enough, you will do it.

3. Support. Support from your partner is absolutely critical in both of the above situations. He loves you for simply being you, which is why he makes the comment about being with him. You may have a body image problem, his response is he doesn't care, he loves you as you are. Maybe the way to turn it around is to turn it into more of a health focus than an image focus discussion. If you tell him that your weight is causing heart problems or can lead to diabetes, then his attitude will be more one of what can I do to help, than thats ok, I'll still love you, even if your shortening your life by 5 years.

Counselling is not for everyone, but Im not really experienced in this area to make a comment beyond that.

Good Luck

ObW
X

[ChadCoxRox]

Strong passion and mental illness are the substances of civilization's most beautiful and enduring treasures of all time.

Learning to understand, accept and become skilled at channeling such energy toward a productive objective is the very essence of being happy (not having happiness...being), while NOT doing it is the stuff of being sick. And sicker. And sicker.

We all do it. We all have the same capacity to be our own best champions and our own worst enemies.

EVERYONE needs mental health, some require more help than others to achieve the balance required to achieve. If you are not achieving and you spin wheels distracting yourself with both jaded and yet candid self judgement or introspection, then you need guidance. When this gets to the point you describe it takes doing just what you've done...exposing it to others, seeking support to work through it and finding ways to realize real change.

Reread what you wrote. Add to it. Get the lamenting and regretting and discouraging done as much as you possibly can to remove these barriers to real, real action in the right direction. NEVER be afraid to ask for more feedback. The more study and the more specific, the greater the gain! The key however is b.a.l.a.n.c.e.

If you plot a course for yourself for daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, five years and ten years you can see where you are going. Be deliberate. And never be afraid to seek professional help because it will be very much worth the effort and expense if you don't make progress otherwise. You deserve all the best you can give yourself. Put that passion to work for you...it clearly is effective when allowed to work against you.

blab blab blab....it just never ends... sorry. I just see us all in you friend.

[throughtheeyes]

Well, lets break these into the chunks you have identified:

1. Work. Unfortunately most of us have to work in order to pay the bills. We may not like the work we are doing, but we recognise that in order to survive in this world there is a need to maintain an income, and usually thats by working. If changing career is not an option at this stage, how about taking on some volunteer work outside of your core day job business hours. Even a few hours a week, volunteering in the community can be very rewarding. Everyone has skills, find someplace that can use yours. And it doesn't have to be related to your day job.

2. Low body image. This is harder to address, since the only person who can address it is you. Few of us will ever attain the perfectly sculptured body which seems to adorn most of the online gay porn actors, which in turn can make us feel inadequate. You can join a weight watchers type program, or you can resolve to set yourself some goals and stick to them. Its a sad reflection on life to say that you are what you eat. So change what you eat, it really is as simple as that. There are plenty of smartphone apps that can help you identify good/bad/healthy/unhealthy foodstuffs. Use the technology to guide you. If you want it badly enough, you will do it.

3. Support. Support from your partner is absolutely critical in both of the above situations. He loves you for simply being you, which is why he makes the comment about being with him. You may have a body image problem, his response is he doesn't care, he loves you as you are. Maybe the way to turn it around is to turn it into more of a health focus than an image focus discussion. If you tell him that your weight is causing heart problems or can lead to diabetes, then his attitude will be more one of what can I do to help, than thats ok, I'll still love you, even if your shortening your life by 5 years.

Counselling is not for everyone, but Im not really experienced in this area to make a comment beyond that.

Good Luck

ObW
X

I thank you for your advice.

The work part of my life just brings me down so much. Since I spend most of my time at work I would really like to enjoy it and be happy. I definitely agree with you about having to be practical and maintain an income. Changing jobs right now isn't really an option but if I did I wouldnt even know what to look for that I would enjoy.

The body image is something I know only I can do. I just feel like I will never be good enough physically that I dont even know what the point of it is.

My boyfriend really does try to be supportive. I just can't get him to understand how these negative feelings bog me down all the time.