Height Difference

[Anonymous]

I find myself in a puzzling situation. A friend of long standing (15 years) has just come out and, in doing so announced that I was the man he'd always loved and wanted. (I might have wanted to know this myself first but I didn't.) After all those years I do love him in an advanced bromance kind of way but....apart from some very intense hugs and a kiss on the cheek, that's as far as it has gone. While I'm dealing with that one, I'm also dealing with the fact that he's considerably shorter than I am, to be blunt, one foot, one inch shorter. (Yes, I'm very tall.) His height has never been of any consequence to me, we've gone places together for years and if others thought we were a little mis-matched, so what? But now he's distraught because he can't kiss me. Well, he can but he'd be kissing my sternum. We're hardly young, I'm 54 and he's 49, so much of the usual giddiness just doesn't exist. But whether I want to take this farther is an issue. And one that was almost forced upon me by his announcement. He'll always be my friend and I'll always love him,...but I'm not sure I want to turn the corner and find a bed there. I'm sure there's a compromise in this but I can't find it. Someone suggested I "give him a test flight" sexually but that strikes me as not only foolish but hurtful as it implies there may be more in the future. Any shred of advice would be greatly welcome and I don't even know about the height thing, it just exists but more in his mind,...I'm dithering so I'll go sit in a corner and see who says what. Thanks, one and all.

[Jake]

I heard about age difference, but height difference is a first. So your tall and to you he's a midget. And ? Is that really the problem or the real issue is that you are uncertain whether you love him or not? 15 years is a long run for coming out and while you have known him for 15 years, he was hiding for 15 years and in all honesty I believe that's what truly bothers you. I am 5.8 and my husband is 6.2 and if I want to kiss him I'll kick him on the back of his knee which will make him come down to my height. And guess what want the best anti-stereotypical part... I'm the black one and the short one. LOL

Try not to divert yourself from the real issue. Height? Really. I know giants that have been quite happy with their midgets... so what's the real issue dude?

[Wolfpack]

He seemed to care for him deeply, why let a height difference be a problem?
If you have feelings for him then pursue them, better to have taken the chance and loved and never have at all, from just out of fear.
Anyway simple solution sit down and kiss him.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The suggestion of a 'test flight' isn't a bad one, as long as its done AFTER you and this fella discuss it and both agree to try a test flight.

You are friends of 15 years - you both know each other pretty well and should, by now, be able to shoot the breeze on any topic with little to no real embarrassment.

And you two are already in a relationship. Maybe not a lovers/partners type, but much of the hard work of relationship building has already been done. I assume you are both comfortable around each other, figured out your similarities and differences, most likely mesh where those differences lie.

Sex isn't that important and only would be awkward for a moment or two.

Communication is very important.

He just came out - does that mean he is looking for a 'first time' experience of some sort? If so his choosing you may reflect a level of trust that he doesn't have with most others.

You can maintain that trust by communicating with him the real underlying issue here. BTW its not height. You too managed a kiss before so that whole 'I can't kiss you' thing appears to be a coy ploy to step around deeper potential issues.

I seriously doubt you are always standing. I bet if you are seated he can readily kiss you - and when you are both prone height doesn't make that big of a difference.

Since he just came out, one has to wonder if he has been crushing on you for oh I don't know about 15 years.... This 'bromance' you feel that has been going on may have been a bit more serious for him and now, after 15 years, he is trying to find a way to break that news to you without damaging the friendship you both enjoy.
I don't know when you came out, however the older a person is when they do come out the more 'wreckage' they have behind them. Since most try real hard to live a straight life and go to extraordinary means to lie in every way (from getting married and having kids, to denying themselves any affection they may have for a person of the same gender, that has a profound impact on how they deal with everyone in their life pre and post coming out.

You feel that having a bit of bed time may damage this relationship, he most likely is fearful that his motives for hanging around you for the past 15 years may not have been wholly what he lead you to believe thus the potential for causing you hurt exists.

No doubt you are or have rethought a lot of incidences and situations that took place with this new fact that he is actually gay. That fact can change a lot of things. Puts things in a different context. If you haven't thought about past events/situations with this new data, I suggest you sit down and play the tapes a bit and reevaluate what exactly happened when _______________(fill in the blank).

A lot of seemingly innocent stuff will now not seem that innocent. A lot of tiny comments/jokes suddenly take on a stark new reality. I seriously doubt he is a consummate liar thus able to maintain the facade of being 'straight' perfectly for 15 years.

You two need a face to face sit down conversation about a lot of stuff.

You need to take charge in this particular conversation opening by assuring him that even if he has been deeply, madly in love with you for the past 15 years you do not see a problem there. That does not diminish your strong friendship.

You also need to tell him that you enjoy his company and all of that and like what you two have and don't want to break the 'bromance/friendship' over some stupid/silly mistakes.

Since he is newly out he is going to need a lot of assurances.

At your age you should know that love is a flimsy thing to base a relationship on. One has to actually like their partner and share commonalities and mesh where there are differences.

You should also be nearly painfully aware that while sex can happen, it doesn't happen as often as we may think we need or want. The kids all rush into relationships based on sex - then discover a year or three down the road they really don't like the person they are with and that sex is infrequent and not gluing the relationship together.

With 15 years under your belt, you both already know you like each other.

So it is conceivable that a live in relationship/marriage would work far better for you two, even that average 3 years down the road when sex happens sporadically, or is scheduled every Saturday night - and with age when the ben gay kicks in and the Viagra works :tongue:.

The only reason why a sexual experiment would break your friendship is if you both allow it to by not communicating and making it clear that any sex you have is an experiment and is not a commitment to 'more'. If you two discuss it, and the potential ways that this can go you should be well armored to defeat any ugly that sex could lead to.

[ChadCoxRox]

fear of commitment. ?

[gilhooly]

I worked in San Francisco for 3 years. I met a Chinese guy from Macao named Danny. Danny knew I was a tough marine and I was one foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I was 29, Danny was 33. I told him at our first meeting at the company we worked at, that I was gay and I thought he was very cute.

Danny said he would never consider sex with a man. He was completely straight and proud of it. I told him I was a proud gay marine and I bet he would love fucking me. Danny acted shocked but he kept eyeing me. "Are you serious, John. My girlfriend says my 4 inch erection is awful at giving her pleasure,"

"Danny, a 4 inch erection would fit me fine. I am not a glutton for cock. I just want you to ejaculate inside me.." Danny seemed curious. I asked him to dinner and said I would cook. Danny wanted to see my apartment at 440 Jackson St. It was on the 20th floor and faced Alcatraz. For young guys who don't know how to seduce straight guys, use your body as an advertisement to the pleasures of gay sex.

We entered my new apartment at 5. I got completely undressed in the walk in closet. I told Danny I like to nude in my house and did he mind. He said NO. When I finally and slowly pulled down my jockey shorts, Danny was peering at my erection. I started to stroke it and walked out on the balcony. Danny was surprised I was not embarrassed to jerk off on the balcony. Dannt said others could see me and I said I was not going to charge them. I liked people watching me masturbate for free. I asked him if he made girls pay him to watch. He said NO, I have sex for free. "So do I, Danny, come out on the balcony and help me jerk off." Danny blinked but came out. I put his hand on my cock and asked him what he thought of it. He said it felt both soft and very hard at the same time.

After awhile, I asked Danny to finish me. He pumped my dick and I got a good load off. I took Danny inside to the kitchen, open to the living room. I told Danny, he looked hot and sweaty. I calmly undressed Danny. When he had only his jockey shorts on, I asked him if he had ever French kissed a man. I leaned forward and he put his tongue in my mouth. I knelt down and pulled his shorts to the floor and calmly blew Danny. I got up and said I would love his small cock in my ass.

Danny was surprised that a tall guy like me wanted to be fucked by a short Chinese guy. I told him I was a marine and wanted to improve relations with China. I got Danny to a big easy chair directly in front of the window. Danny didn't stay shy much longer. He entered me and started to fuck for the pure joy of men fucking. I told Danny that men had enjoyed fucking since the Garden of Eden.

He agreed. Danny and I fucked each other up and down the coast of California. He became a amateur exhibitionist and liked it more and more when we fucked in public.

Don't let anything stop you from having sex with a guy. I liked guys of every race, every nationality, every religion and every age old enough to have an orgasm. Gay, straight, transgendered or bisexual made no difference to me. I often dressed like a woman when I wanted to be a tough lesbian. I refused to be knocked up no matter how many guys fucked me. I just fucked them back and maintained my equality with men. I also vote in every election.

[homobadwolf]

I completely understand it being possibly uncomfortable. I could never date a guy that much shorter than me. Well honestly I'd just never be attracted to someone that much shorter than me.

[ChadCoxRox]

I worked in San Francisco for 3 years. I met a Chinese guy from Macao named Danny. Danny knew I was a tough marine and I was one foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier. I was 29, Danny was 33. I told him at our first meeting at the company we worked at, that I was gay and I thought he was very cute.

Danny said he would never consider sex with a man. He was completely straight and proud of it. I told him I was a proud gay marine and I bet he would love fucking me. Danny acted shocked but he kept eyeing me. "Are you serious, John. My girlfriend says my 4 inch erection is awful at giving her pleasure,"

"Danny, a 4 inch erection would fit me fine. I am not a glutton for cock. I just want you to ejaculate inside me.." Danny seemed curious. I asked him to dinner and said I would cook. Danny wanted to see my apartment at 440 Jackson St. It was on the 20th floor and faced Alcatraz. For young guys who don't know how to seduce straight guys, use your body as an advertisement to the pleasures of gay sex.

We entered my new apartment at 5. I got completely undressed in the walk in closet. I told Danny I like to nude in my house and did he mind. He said NO. When I finally and slowly pulled down my jockey shorts, Danny was peering at my erection. I started to stroke it and walked out on the balcony. Danny was surprised I was not embarrassed to jerk off on the balcony. Dannt said others could see me and I said I was not going to charge them. I liked people watching me masturbate for free. I asked him if he made girls pay him to watch. He said NO, I have sex for free. "So do I, Danny, come out on the balcony and help me jerk off." Danny blinked but came out. I put his hand on my cock and asked him what he thought of it. He said it felt both soft and very hard at the same time.

After awhile, I asked Danny to finish me. He pumped my dick and I got a good load off. I took Danny inside to the kitchen, open to the living room. I told Danny, he looked hot and sweaty. I calmly undressed Danny. When he had only his jockey shorts on, I asked him if he had ever French kissed a man. I leaned forward and he put his tongue in my mouth. I knelt down and pulled his shorts to the floor and calmly blew Danny. I got up and said I would love his small cock in my ass.

Danny was surprised that a tall guy like me wanted to be fucked by a short Chinese guy. I told him I was a marine and wanted to improve relations with China. I got Danny to a big easy chair directly in front of the window. Danny didn't stay shy much longer. He entered me and started to fuck for the pure joy of men fucking. I told Danny that men had enjoyed fucking since the Garden of Eden.

He agreed. Danny and I fucked each other up and down the coast of California. He became a amateur exhibitionist and liked it more and more when we fucked in public.

Don't let anything stop you from having sex with a guy. I liked guys of every race, every nationality, every religion and every age old enough to have an orgasm. Gay, straight, transgendered or bisexual made no difference to me. I often dressed like a woman when I wanted to be a tough lesbian. I refused to be knocked up no matter how many guys fucked me. I just fucked them back and maintained my equality with men. I also vote in every election.

You shit! How vulgar. How dare you well place a misplaced post resulting in titillation during such a sensitive affair. BTW, I think he should do him too.

[Ruru]

[COLOR="Purple"]This is my honest opinion and in my head it's sort of contradictory due to belief but it is what managed me to find my current partner and it's a keeper.

Give it a try, I cannot speak in terms of age as I'm rather young, as for height difference I'mma just say yes it's true, to some people it can affect them but only in short terms because you start to appreciate what stays in the long term which is the kind of "bromance" you seem to have with this individual.

All in all he made a decision and he took a risk because he loves you after all the 15 years of experiences and conversations you both put up with, sure you may not feel exactly the same but he's willing to give it an attempt at suceeding and he's not afraid of letting you know.

Even if it doesn't work out chances are you can still hold to what you've had for these past 15 years with the person, that trust and feeling of safety when it comes to several things, sure it might be hard at first incase the try-out fails but you can't really expect for everything to be perfect.

Hell, I'm the tall guy in my relationship and I don't care, at the end of the day feeling appreciated, trusted and beloved is worth way more than anything I've experienced so far. Then again I'm very young and chances are I can be very wrong, so take my advice with a grain of salt.[/COLOR]

[CellarDweller]

I have good friends who have been a couple for at least 15 years, and one is a foot and half shorter than the other.

It's workable.