Dating a guy that is Disabled

[Uneunsae]

The reason I don't like to discuss it is because I myself have disabilities. They aren't the visible kind, like having to be in a chair, so people try to invalidate my condition. Once, my ex of 4 years told me I was "worthless" because I could not attend Uni and be his perfect houseboy at the same time. Another ex said he wanted a "normal future" and so he eventually broke up with me. He came back later and wanted me back, but I did not take him back.

Right now I can't work or do anything because I'm so restricted. Most men would look at me and see someone physically healthy, not knowing how much pain I'm in constantly, how I can barely stay awake, that I can't hear well, or anything else. But as soon as I show any limitation, like turning down plans because I don't feel well, he will run away fast.

I don't like to talk about it because people have treated me like trash for it even though I am loving, caring, and actually do A LOT for my partners. There is just some stigma. My loyalty, loving spirit, honesty, optimism, intelligence, creativity, etc are not good enough for anyone.

So when I have surgery next year to correct all this (my doctor says I should be 80% better); when I feel better and date again, I will be wondering, "Would this guy have loved me before?"

I've never seen unconditional love in my entire life, not even from my parents or people considered to be "good" so I don't know... right now. I DO believe it exists but is just VERY rare. But that kind of person is who I'm waiting for. I won't settle for less. If that means I am alone forever, I don't care. Better to have a good-hearted person.

[AlfredM]

So when I have surgery next year to correct all this (my doctor says I should be 80% better); when I feel better and date again, I will be wondering, "Would this guy have loved me before?"

I could only relate to the part I'll be wondering if he would have loved me before, since I'm now physically large and slimming down. So I will always wonder if my future guy would even want to be with me had I met him when I was still large. Though that's nowhere close actually.

I'm sorry that people have treated you like a trash,and you've never seen unconditional love. If it helps,here are hugs for you.

[Uneunsae]

Thanks, it means a lot and I'm glad you're taking care of yourself.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

lol Disabled people aren't looking for a carer/care giver they like me are looking for a partner or lover lol!

I'm for one can manage myself quite well on my own, I have a cleaner and that is all I need.

Not all disabled people even need any form of care though lol!.

Thus I used the word "depends".

That last line is not altogether true.

[Cuddly]

I'll just share my thoughts, because they're requested and I reckon you might value my input.

First off, I'm uncomfortable discussing this.

Secondly, yes, I might date a guy with a condition that doesn't deteriorate. However, if the condition means he will get worse and feel worse every year, I would try to spare myself that pain. As much as I wish him the best and want him to happy, I also have to be selfish and back away and say "I can't deal with this. It breaks my heart to see you getting worse" etc..
I couldn't start a relationship, knowing that that was to come.

[Charon]

Here's what concerns me. There are people, more than you might think, who would take on a lover with disabilities just because they are disabled. They want the adulation of being "that really good person who gave up their time and life to take care of someone they love." It's a perverse and cruel mind set. And there should be no sense of "taking on a responsibility" but rather taking on a lover who just incidentally has some minor physical issues. The handicapped, of any sexual persuasion, do not want to be patronized just to give another the feeling of doing a good deed. If you love someone, great. I saw a soldier, a wounded warrior, on television who was a quadra amputee. He had four artificial appendages, a great wife son who loved him...even though some might think he was an alternative home plate. The first person you're going to have to convince of you sincerity is the disabled person who have learned to be very suspicious.
Love someone for their attributes, their sense of humour, the fact that they love you. All other reasons need not apply.

[bluefox4000]

Here's what concerns me. There are people, more than you might think, who would take on a lover with disabilities just because they are disabled. They want the adulation of being "that really good person who gave up their time and life to take care of someone they love." It's a perverse and cruel mind set. And there should be no sense of "taking on a responsibility" but rather taking on a lover who just incidentally has some minor physical issues. The handicapped, of any sexual persuasion, do not want to be patronized just to give another the feeling of doing a good deed. If you love someone, great. I saw a soldier, a wounded warrior, on television who was a quadra amputee. He had four artificial appendages, a great wife son who loved him...even though some might think he was an alternative home plate. The first person you're going to have to convince of you sincerity is the disabled person who have learned to be very suspicious.
Love someone for their attributes, their sense of humour, the fact that they love you. All other reasons need not apply.

Trust me.....it's common. Which is why it's extremely hard for us disabled people to enter into a relationship. I eventually did. It just took 23 years. But we are now going on6 years together. So it's possible. Just difficult as all hell to find.

Mick

[artyboy]

Can't people see people who they are.

[Uneunsae]

Yes, I hate being patronized. The first rule I made with my ex who was a surgeon is that he could not treat me like a patient. He was a lovely man.

[bluefox4000]

I speak to people about my disability. I say hey. I'm a person just like you. I eat I sleep I laugh, cry, have goals. I get angry and i also love. . The only thing different is my chair. Get to know the PERSON. not the machine,

It just appears most have trouble seeing past it.

Mick