Brother issues

[Wade]

You can be civil without being fake

Honestly, there's a lot of wisdom in this statement, and it's a hard lesson to learn.

[Anonymous]

You know what though? I probably should have explained that all in the first place, I realized that I didn't. Sorry for being so defensive about that whole thing, I just have a lot of pent-up anger about this because I've ignored it for so long.

I just hate that I still get blamed for everything, that I somehow have responsibility for what is clearly my parents' doing. I am seen as the bad guy because as a kid I had no tolerance for being manipulated by my little brother. How is that fair?

[Wade]

I acknowledge that most of what you say is true, but that last phrase... damn, that was quite an accusation.

Yeah... that's kind of what he does. Love him for it though, we do.

[Uneunsae]

No, I don't think you are a bad guy.

[Anonymous]

And I'll say this too, what happened when we were younger may have affected his development, but he more than made up for it. He was downright nasty, he deliberately tried to ruin my social life and tear me down. He was always like that, with everything, he never played fair. That affected my development pretty badly too, it took me forever to get over the social anxiety caused by him. An eye for an eye I guess.

[Anonymous]

This is actually all making me sick, I didn't mean for this thread to get so intense, I really lost my temper just now.

I think this is why I just never think/talk about this anymore, it always boils down to blame and who did what to who and no one can agree on anything.

I'm sorry guys, I'm not trying to bring this kind of energy into this place.

And Bowyn, except for what I got angry about, I really do appreciate your advice.

[MRossW]

I like CellarDweller's answer. From what you wrote/vented, you will benefit from having someone put some structure under these emotions and give you some peace of mind. Professional validation of what all us amateurs here are telling you - that you don't have to like your brother, you don't have to pretend to share his values, that you're not obliged to do anything or go anywhere with him - is a good thing. You just need to be able to do it all without the smoldering anger and resentment.

[Bhp91126]

Anon, have you been able to rant like this at your brother, or your parents? Until you let it all out, this shit will fester.

I take it, that bro doesn't have anything over you anymore, now that you're out. Have you asked him what he hopes to achieve with all his hanging on? Where is the fun for him to be with his hostile older brother? What's his reply to your accusation of him trying to blackmail you? Ruining your social life?
Since moving out is not an option for now, I'd try to be out of the house more, develop a social life. If your bro still wants to hang on, schlepp him into a gay bar, maybe then his interest will wane.

[sfdiamondguy]

You can't pick your family but you can pick your friends. Family can be cruel because they don't have that connection with interests and likes. Society makes us feel guilty about not being close to our families but sometimes it's just not going to happen. I have a brother much the same as what you have described about yours. Someone who always puts you down to lift themselves up, they think they're so much better than everyone else. Mine was very condescending and when, after a very long marriage, I came out he never talked to me again. In the past 6 years I've come to accept it and have basically written two of my four brothers out of my life. They don't support (or talk) to me so I've decided their negative energies are not needed in my life. It takes some strength to make that decision but if you're not happy with your brother and they're not treating you with respect, then slowly separate yourself from him. Having said that, if he's trying to reach out to you, so before you jump ship on him, you might consider if there's a way to rebuild the relationship, open up with some honest discussion. Good luck.