I'm lost and I don't know what to do...

[BigRob6903]

well... I'm 24 yrs young, lol and I like men, but my friends and family don't know the real me... and I wanna tell them but i'm so afraid that they won't understand and except me for who I am. especially my father. What should I do? I just wanna be happy...

[TwisttheLeaf]

Are you living on your own and supporting yourself? Or are you still living at home?

My suggestion is to not out yourself until you're out on your own and self-sufficient. That way if they -can't- accept your preferences, you're not going to end up with issues such as being kicked out, etc.

Once you're self-sufficient, or if you are already, perhaps bring it up to someone you feel might be the most understanding first (and doesn't have a big mouth). Someone you trust. Try it out and see how it feels.

I can't actually give much in the way of advice on the actual practice of coming out, as I've never personally been in the closet. I definitely feel you on the lack of acceptance from fathers, though. Mine was a nightmare, so I can understand that fear 100%.

[ChadCoxRox]

well... I'm 24 yrs young, lol and I like men, but my friends and family don't know the real me... and I wanna tell them but i'm so afraid that they won't understand and except me for who I am. especially my father. What should I do? I just wanna be happy...

Hi and welcome Rob!!! The best advice I can give you is to sort it out here thoroughly and you will certainly find you way. You will make some friends here too who will support you all the way! So tell us more about your journey so far and remember you have all the time you need to decide how you choose to move forward. And if you fail to honor that time and slip up along the way, WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE! So it is great to have another member of the family at GS!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

When in doubt, do nothing....

Clearly you have to resolve a bit of internal crap here - fear of rejection turned into acceptance sort of stuff before you can muster the courage to say those words.

Coming out is, for most people, a process. One that starts internally, where the individual comes to grips with the potential outcomes and accepts them enough to actually make the last step.

[Cuddly]

Welcome to GS Rob.

Coming out is always hard and everybody worries about what friends and family might say, do or think, but truth be told it will kill your spirit to live in the closet and sooner or later you will want to come out. My experience was that everybody was alot more accepting of me, than I had thought they would be. They also accepted my boyfriend with open arms, in spite of him being 30 years old (same age as my parents!).
I came out to very close friends first, then to my parents and my siblings, but from what I hear it's quite common to confide in siblings first and hear what they have to say, so that they may have your back when you come out to your parents.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to the forum Rob.

Coming out won't make you any gayer so don't feel pressured into coming out at home if you don't feel it's the right time.

You can always test the waters by introducing some LGBT related conversation at home, say watching a news item and casually asking an opinion etc.

Most people seem to take the rout of telling mom or a sister as the first step. Dads are always a little more daunting just because....

You may be surprised by their reaction. If it's the freedom of telling people, can you come out to close friends without family knowing?

Good luck,
ObW
X

[ETOTE]

Some excellent advice and info in this thread.

Welcome to the forum BigRob.

Gonna echo TTL here, never really been in the "closet" per se. Once you know me, it's just something you learn about me as I tend to be very open and honest with people.

Interestingly enough though, since I have somewhat strained relationships with my parents and some other family members, I just don't talk about sex with them period and it really is none of their business who I have in my bed, they at least have enough decency to respect that.


I will agree though, that it generally is a process and you should take as much time as you need and just let things happen naturally, subtly to where the IDEA of you being gay for others in your family will be more of a possibility for them to contemplate and think about it, rather than making a formal announcement or big production all at once.

Also,
If your family truly loves you and loves you unconditionally, they will still accept who are and learn to deal with their own issues or conflicts they may have with it. It should not be a deciding factor for them to love and accept you.

[Malec]

Honestly? If you have to question it, you're not really ready to come out to your family. When the time is right you'll know it. It is scary to come out. There is always that fear of rejection. For me, my experience was in high school. I decided to start with my friends who I was getting close with. Maybe start there? If you lose friends because of it, good for you. That means they don't really care for you. If you have friends who know the truth, it'll make it easier to tell your family. When I came out to family, it was not the best reaction from some. Still dealing with certain things, so you're not alone. If you want to talk and vent or anything feel free to PM me or anyone of us really. I hope it goes good for you when you decide you're ready.

[ProudRainbow]

Sweetheart,i have an abusive father and he told me once that if he get sure im gay he would kick me out,hit me hard etc.I decided to never tell him about it and soon ill leave my home and live my life as i want it to be.My mom and the other family members and friends know about me,im openly gay,anyway thats not the point i wanna get to..the point is that first you need support,so let only the sensitive/kind/caring/people easily to understand,know.Having people by your side is success trust me they will fill you with courage and power,mental power.