Question to guys in relationships.

[David3K]

After a while sex is not that often anymore but the relationship and closeness you have make up for that

[Anonymous]

Sex shouldn't be the main factor of your relationship

Yes I realize that it should not be a main factor but at lease some sort of affection would be nice. We see each other 3-4 days a week and there is a kiss when I get there and a kiss when I leave. To me it is like a best friend type of greeting and goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Do you relieve yourself as you choose? Do you ever masturbate to meet your own needs in his presence regardless of his choice? What you describe sounds very understandable if he happens to have that kind of sex drive. If he is relieving himself in other ways, circumventing the relationship then THAT would be an issue. But as described it sounds more like you are sexually frustrated without your needs met and you feel like he does not care. Elaborate and don't be too defensive. Anyone who bashes you is a bitch.

Yes,No, No he is not cheating, Yes I am frustrated! We have talked about it but nothing comes of it.
Elaborating a little on it? Hmmmm......... Well I let him know how I feel about it. I am not looking for rabbit type sex but even cuddling would be nice. I realize sex is not the main part of a relationship but he told me in the beginning that he has a huge.......... sex drive and he loves to J/O (almost daily) but I have told him I can take care of that for him and nothing.
Again I feel as if I am in a best friend type of relationship and that's it
IDK, I just thought there would be at least some frequency to the love life. All other aspects of the relationship is fine.
He always talks about seeing us in our old age ( ummm kinda are older already) living out the rest of our lives together.
The only other thing I can think of is that he has asked me to move in with him but I like where I am at right now and I have made it clear that I would like to live on my own for a while since this is the first time that I have been on my own in over 40 years.
I thought that may be a reason. Could he be holding back because of that.
Sorry if this makes no sense but this crapstorm has been swirling around in my head for a while. Guess I need to vent more than anything but I do appreciate the feedback.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I think you have answered your own question about the lack of sex in your relationship.

You already said life gets in the way, then you said you mostly sleep in separate beds that are located at separate addresses. These two things are going to have a major impact on the frequency of sex.

If there is no time to cheat, then when exactly is there time to make the two back beastie?

Sounds to me with the lack of other forms of intimacy that he may not be that all into cuddling, hugging, snuggling and such. I have no idea about your personality types. Sure he may be able to have lots of sex and get off daily, that is not the same thing as intimacy. While the two can go hand in hand, it doesn't mean they will all the time.

You need to find out what he is like in this area. It may simply be that you two have different needs when it comes to intimacy.

To top it all off you rejected him. Yeah sure he most likely has an intellectual understanding of why you refused to move in, however the heart rarely gets what the brain understands thus this unwillingness to move in feels like you are rejecting him totally and completely.

Since you two maintain separate households, you have yet to experience the power struggle stage, and all sort of other interesting side effects of a couple sharing the same space and making up the rules for their relationship as a couple.

I even doubt you two have completely dropped the masks you wear. Thus each time you two do meet you are still in the stage of trying to impress your potential mate thus you two may actually be holding back a lot more attempting to present a mature adult personality and refrain from being kids.

Each meeting is going to be awkward and both of you are going to be working overtime to be impressive, instead of allowing yourself to be totally comfortable and be exactly that which you are. That is going to put a strain on spontaneous coitus.



I think you two need to communicate and decide when to schedule sex into your clearly very important lives where everything else is hella more important than sex.

You also need to tell him you need more cuddling, snuggling, hugging, and just general touching (not sex) and schedule that into your very busy lives. Get appointment books and pencils... or have your people meet up with his people to arrange those moments of intimacy.

Or, conversely, you two need to decide if all of that other stuff is really that important and if each other are more important where you can now start letting that other stuff go and handle itself. Priorities are what we make of them.

BTW whenever one of you tells the other I'm too tired, or don't have enough time to hook-up and fuck like bunnies you are rejecting the other.

Again, yes you can accept these realities on an intellectual level, but when it comes to the emotional level it is simply rejection. The heart knows no reasoning, it only feels.

And each time the heart gets rejected, it gets a little colder and lays another course of brick on that wall in order to keep from being hurt again.

[bluefox4000]

i'm not 30 but i'm really almost there so......i've been in my relationship close to 6 years. When it was new man we wanted to get at it, lol. but i would think that's normal. It has waned. Because now we kinda know what's there so to speak. Doesn't mean we've stopped. We just have all the time in the world for that now. It's mainly used now for when we've had an exciting day and we need to our energy to good use, lol

Mick

[Undreamt]

no such thing as normal in a relationship.

on average it can decline (but that doesn't make it normal)