Do guys ever change?
03-22-2017, 09:19 PM
Hi,
So my boyfriend and I have been dating fro over a year now. He has his own issues and I have mine but his seem to keep having an impact on our relationship. Since he was younger, and before we started dating, he suffered from low self-esteem and used older guys to make himself feel better, be it having sex with them or using online interactions (sexual of course). The problem is he still does it. I've found out throughout our time dating that he has used various social media sites and apps (like skype, snapchat, gay chat rooms, kik etc) to continue getting the attention online. Its all pretty degrading stuff towards him. It hurt so much at first, but overtime I've become more desensitised to it but it still makes me uncomfortable that he turns to this to feel better and not me.
Every time I have found out, I ask him to be truthful with me and he lies to my face until I tell him that I know. Eventually, he admitted that he likes this sort of stuff and we began exploring it together. He told me that if I was degrading and more dominant in our sex life he wouldn't need it. So we did that. But yet again he continued, just over chat rooms and not using a camera. This led to a fight where we essentially decided we needed a break whilst he saw a counsellor until he was ready to take our relationship seriously. We contacted each other a few days later and decided that we can continue seeing each other just not to the extreme that we were before. Now I've found out that he is continuing to do it.
I feel like he is not trying to stop and is only using this relationship so he doesn't feel lonely. I just want advice on this situation. This is a guy that I love and don't want to lose. But I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner interacts sexually with other guys online.
Could it be counted as cheating? Will he ever change?
Thanks.
So my boyfriend and I have been dating fro over a year now. He has his own issues and I have mine but his seem to keep having an impact on our relationship. Since he was younger, and before we started dating, he suffered from low self-esteem and used older guys to make himself feel better, be it having sex with them or using online interactions (sexual of course). The problem is he still does it. I've found out throughout our time dating that he has used various social media sites and apps (like skype, snapchat, gay chat rooms, kik etc) to continue getting the attention online. Its all pretty degrading stuff towards him. It hurt so much at first, but overtime I've become more desensitised to it but it still makes me uncomfortable that he turns to this to feel better and not me.
Every time I have found out, I ask him to be truthful with me and he lies to my face until I tell him that I know. Eventually, he admitted that he likes this sort of stuff and we began exploring it together. He told me that if I was degrading and more dominant in our sex life he wouldn't need it. So we did that. But yet again he continued, just over chat rooms and not using a camera. This led to a fight where we essentially decided we needed a break whilst he saw a counsellor until he was ready to take our relationship seriously. We contacted each other a few days later and decided that we can continue seeing each other just not to the extreme that we were before. Now I've found out that he is continuing to do it.
I feel like he is not trying to stop and is only using this relationship so he doesn't feel lonely. I just want advice on this situation. This is a guy that I love and don't want to lose. But I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner interacts sexually with other guys online.
Could it be counted as cheating? Will he ever change?
Thanks.
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