David3K Wrote:Lately the gay guys I talk to are all the liberal kind, that want to share everything and consider any kind of role in a relationship like a thing from the past. Even monogamy is a big deal for them.
Where are the classic gays who like to be in a relationship with a strong guy and feel protected, stay at home, clean and do that kinda stuff?
What are your thoughts on this?
My BF and I talk about this all the time cuz we've been totally monogamous for 5 years in spite of being 16 times zones apart for a few more months. It hasn't been easy but we do it and like what it's done for us. When I think about cheating on him I don't worry about what he'll think. I worry about what I'd think of myself for doing it. He'd forgive me. I wouldn't be able to.
Most of our gay friends (here and where he lives) are either in less than monogamous relationships or single serial daters. Watching them we've decided guys up living that way because they just don't even move past seeing the world in terms of "me" or "you" and really started seeing through the eyes of an 'us". Jay and I just fell into thinking in terms of "us" instead of ourselves as individuals. It's become part of our 'language.' --- "Us needs you to clean out the closet to make room for stuff that belongs to me." "if you feel like driving me it might be good for us to get out for awhile." The "us" treats the "you" and "me" like regular employees who deserves bonuses sometimes for the extra work they do for the "us." The more we put into working for "us" the more generous "us" is to the employees.
It's stupid but it works great for "us."... and me and him.
There's no male/female division of labor for us. He's the brains and planner. I'm the brawn and Mister Fix-it. I'm good at solving problems, making things work. Thanks to the wonderful internet he can look at my bank account and tell me how much I need to save for the next month to do what "us" wants. I've typed edited and proofread his papers for college (which helps me learn his field of study) He's helped me study for for tests by quizzing me through Skype (it's not just for sex you know) I've sat right here at my computer and talked him through putting a fan belt on his car. He shops on line for clothes for me and then tells me what I owe before they arrive.
As far as the "being protective" issue goes. It's mutual but in different ways. I'm physically protective of him and won't even let him climb a ladder. I'm not jealous or possessive but all it takes for me to huff up is for someone to disrespect him. He can flirt all he wants to and I really like seeing him do it.
BUT if a guy flirts with me Jay's protective instincts kick in and he's not being jealous or possessive when he does it. He's from a huge city and is street smart. I'm a trusting country boy who has trouble telling a crack whore from a from an anorexic model under bar light. LOL.
Also I'm not all that big about being affectionate in public or in front of people. But my drug of choice is having him grab my arm and throw it over his shoulder when he wants it no matter where we are. When that happens I'm the happiest guy on earth, (but I let him think he is) Doing that is like him yelling out "I want to belong to you." All I do is go along with it just to keep the peace and make him happy ....
(RIGHT!)
Gays and relationship roles.
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Gemini
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Libra
