Gays and relationship roles.

[David3K]

Ha, key words here are "old-fashioned". what you want is a wife. Maybe there are gay men out there happy to be one. I'm not.

If I wanted a wife I would get a girl, so no that's not it. You'll never get it, but its good many guys around here do.

[East]

When I met my lover I told him that he could pick a part of me he needed to control...just belong to him.... and as long as it wasn't my mind...I will submit....and I did.

"Values" is definitely subjective. When I hear someone say they have values I wonder if they think that other people don't?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Anything I say on this subject will immediately offend many people.

This along with my take on Eugenics I keep to myself. Less angry talks happen if I keep my mouth shut.

[LJay]

Am a bit confused here, OP. where would you see yourself in a relationship and what part of it all would you see your partner fulfilling? Do you want a hometender and a provider-protector or do you want another kind of thing? Please elaborate?

[David3K]

Anything I say on this subject will immediately offend many people.

This along with my take on Eugenics I keep to myself. Less angry talks happen if I keep my mouth shut.

Now you have to say it.

[David3K]

Am a bit confused here, OP. where would you see yourself in a relationship and what part of it all would you see your partner fulfilling? Do you want a hometender and a provider-protector or do you want another kind of thing? Please elaborate?

I believe there is nothing wrong to have roles in a gay relationship. Lets say a guy who takes the leading role and the other one more passive (stay at home, cook, etc).

It seems many gays want to live in a 50/50 thing and wont take anything else as acceptable.

And by "values" I basically mean monogamy, loyalty and the will to try to fix things, instead of dismissing a relationship because it didnt work on the first try.

[Bhp91126]

"Values" is definitely subjective. When I hear someone say they have values I wonder if they think that other people don't?

Thank you.
I often wonder what these guys think how my relationship got to 20+ years now. With values like loyalty, respect, caring, compromise, trust, communication and putting 'us' firmly over 'I'.
I do everything in this relationship because I want to and he'd do the same.

[yourname]

I think it's "flawed thinking" both if someone is so hetero-normative that they think in a [gay] relationship there should be a 'wife' and a 'husband' AND/OR if someone is so anti-hetero-normative that they think that such role-playing should never happen. Frankly, that kind if thinking is incredibly dated even for straight relationships.

I could easily be a "stay-at-home" spouse...but not because I fetishize being "the wife" (ughh....I cringe just typing that) but because I happen to have all the home skills such that I could probably add as much value to our "family" in that capacity as I could bringing home a pay cheque. And that's where I value couples' decisions that one of them (whether the top or the bottom; whether the man or the woman) decides "hey, both of us can work...and then pay for take-out, house cleaning, child care, home repair, etc, etc...or one of us can do all of that while the other works". If it makes financial sense, then it makes sense. If it doesn't make financial sense, and one or the other wants one of them to stay at home for emotional/nostalgia reasons, to me that's no different than couples who want to dress up in leather/cowboy/master-slave or whatever other fetishes people have. And no foul or harm with that, but understand it for what it is: a sexual fetish (aka: role-playing) that probably doesn't make any sense outside of that arbitrary fetish.

[David3K]

I think it's "flawed thinking" both if someone is so hetero-normative that they think in a [gay] relationship there should be a 'wife' and a 'husband' AND/OR if someone is so anti-hetero-normative that they think that such role-playing should never happen. Frankly, that kind if thinking is incredibly dated even for straight relationships.

I could easily be a "stay-at-home" spouse...but not because I fetishize being "the wife" (ughh....I cringe just typing that) but because I happen to have all the home skills such that I could probably add as much value to our "family" in that capacity as I could bringing home a pay cheque. And that's where I value couples' decisions that one of them (whether the top or the bottom; whether the man or the woman) decides "hey, both of us can work...and then pay for take-out, house cleaning, child care, home repair, etc, etc...or one of us can do all of that while the other works". If it makes financial sense, then it makes sense. If it doesn't make financial sense, and one or the other wants one of them to stay at home for emotional/nostalgia reasons, to me that's no different than couples who want to dress up in leather/cowboy/master-slave or whatever other fetishes people have. And no foul or harm with that, but understand it for what it is: a sexual fetish (aka: role-playing) that probably doesn't make any sense outside of that arbitrary fetish.

Why do you automatically blame heterosexual normatives for this kind of relationship? Couldnt this just happen because the gay couple just want to live like that? You should open your mind a little bit. Being gay doesnt mean you have to act the opposite of everything that's established just because you want to be different.

[yourname]

Why do you automatically blame heterosexual normatives for this kind of relationship? Couldnt this just happen because the gay couple just want to live like that? You should open your mind a little bit. Being gay doesnt mean you have to act the opposite of everything that's established just because you want to be different.

Come on man, READ my post again.

Jesus.