Advice for anal sex? Young guys - inexperienced.

[skye1765]

Hi guys

My partner and I are relatively inexperienced in the are of sex (I'm 19, he's 22) so we would greatly appreciate any advice from guys with more experience.

We have sex maybe every 3rd week as we live a bit apart and go to different colleges. I absolutely love the time I spend with him and having sex with him is really special however at times we experience a bit of difficulty with anal sex. We follow all of the normal advice of getting relaxed and using plenty of the correct lube but we often feel pain. It varies greatly from night to night, it can be good for one of us at times and bad at others. I know porn is hardly realistic but the guys there seem to be able to take very deep and quick thrusts - we would love to be able to do that but would have difficulty. We both have average sized cocks so being too big isn't an issue. We even take ibuprofen beforehand to try to reduce discomfort. Is there anything we can do to make this easier for us? Does it become easier to have anal sex over time?
Any thoughts or advice on this would be great. The last thing I want is for my partner to be uncomfortable or in pain so I want to be able to improve this. Thanks.

[LucasVonSeattle]

Hi Skye - what your experiencing doesn't sound abnormal in any way. The anal sphincter is of course a muscle, so it takes the muscle time to get used to new experiences. You're right that relaxation is key. You need to relax your mind and body. If you drink alcohol, a drink or two may help relax the body. Don't overdue it, everything in moderation.

Start out with lots of foreplay. This will help with the mood and help you relax. I would even suggest massaging each other or a warm shower with lots of touching before hand (or both!). Try using fingers and/or toys.

Of course use lots of lubrication. Different positions can help as well. Sometimes having the bottom ease down on the top helps. Don't be afraid to experiment. Communicate during sex so you both know if pain occurs or you need to stop.

The goal is for it to be pleasurable for both partners. Don't feel like you HAVE to have anal sex.

I hope that helps!

[Cuddly]

I found sitting on it to be the best/easiest position, to start off with. I hope that helps, cause that was very uncomfortable to share :redface:

[LJay]

Take you time. It is indeed a matter of practice.The receiver should press down a little at the time of entry. It will help to widen the path. You might also try a spooning position , lying on your sides. That can help you to relax.

If you are seeing each other about every three weeks, remember that is enough time for the sphincter to tone up again, so take it slow at the beginning of the weekend.

Have fun guys.

[Edward]

Use lots of lube and relax. Maybe the first time won't be anything mind-blowing, but keep practicing.

[ChadCoxRox]

Your bodies will react differently at different times based on a number of factors both psychological and physical. Learning your own body's patterns of gastric process helps but is not the only source of info that can help you "measure" your experience with anal sex at any given time. Chemical reactions and processes in the body including things like salts, proteins, neurotransmitters, even platelets and seemingly unrelated things like creatinine in the urine, kidney and bladder, spleen, etc., processes come into play at any given time as to sensations and comfort issues. This is the reason time, practice and experience will be your best friend in hind sight and more importantly how patience is your best friend now! What is the case for one will not necessarily be the case for another because we all sweat, eat, sleep, heal, shit, etc. as individuals. duh...

So I LOVE that you came here to talk about it. Stay connected over time so we can remind you to be patient. Bring your bf with you to visit to check some posts or chat! The library is extensive.

[ChadCoxRox]

OH btw!!!! What you see in porn, like a hot four minute pounding, is more often actually a LONG sequence of shots made over several lengths of time and artfully edited for your viewing pleasure.

Even if you pay to watch live, real sex, many of the models are so experienced with the process that they make it look so hot. That draws your funding dollars! Seek out perspective in what you see versus what you elect to believe!

[TwisttheLeaf]

All of the advice above is very good.

In my personal experience, it depends a LOT on the amount of foreplay involved prior to penetration. If my partner gets me to the point where I'm writhing, sweating and begging? Things always go easiest.

I also want to point out that a lot of guys can't orgasm while they're being bottom during anal. Just a warning for when you get to that point where you can do it without a lot of pain, it might be an issue but it doesn't mean there's anything wrong or that you're doing anything wrong.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

You problem is that you are not doing it often enough.

The anus adapts to it, as long as its on a regular basis (like more than once a week). Every three weeks is leaving too much time for the anus to readjust to 'forget' what it has learned.

Guys in porn are having sex nearly daily... So yeah they can take it.

[Borg69]

I agree with everyone else... You basically have to retrain your ass to relax, and loosen up.

In everyday life since potty training you're taught to clench and not let anything out when it's not supposed to. Now all of a sudden you're going against programming and trying to force open the Anal Fort Knox with a cock crow bar.

Your being scared it's going to hurt just makes you clench more. RELAX... BREATHE... Take your time... Lots of Lube... and lots of Foreplay !!! You gotta teach that thing to open up and be accepting when you want it to, and that it's OK!! (and pleasurable).

Him laying on his back and you sitting on it, being in control over how much and how fast goes in is really helpful. I've found and heard that that position is also one of the easiest for you to climax without touching yourself while he's in you.