feeling of guilt

[BlueStar]

That feeling of guilt you have demonstrates that you have not lost contact with your sanity and you fully understand the difference between right and wrong.

Use it to learn from your mistakes and to keep you from repeating that mistake with him or anyone else for that matter.

Don't use it as a reason to punish yourself over and over again.

I am uncertain of the safety here of telling your therapist the whole story. Most societies have laws about touching another person in a sexual manner without their consent. Most nations have laws where any therapist has to report such situations to the police.

That's the point with seeing a therapist, I can't risk it. Also I lack money, and my parents wouldn't bring me to a therapist stating there's nothing wrong with me, while in reality I'd never tell them what's happening.

Yes I can distinguish between right and wrong, this is why I stopped hurting myself.

[Robben]

This is an obsession that may have to work out with only your awareness of the confusion, and your resolution of this crisis. I have been a cross dresser since High school with some years in a suit and tie. To me my confusion in relationships happened because the females I knew were all stronger than I was, yet as I was effeminate, they could accept my being one of them if I could see that my tendencies were homosexual. Before coming out of the closet my being a male transgender had a very hurtful rejection by two ladies from the opposite sex who I tried to love. I was also guilty of cutting my arm though in a small way and not on the wrist. I can see something about my past takes over me and can feel powerful and demoralizing, I hope your being homosexual isn't causing you to hurt yourself. In a way not expecting the same results from sexual affairs with men, caused me to think that falling in love was liberal and that certain girlfriends could satisfy this need. the guilt that I had about being gay was huge. What helped to me was I learned to talk about being gay a lot, and to a lot of people in a lot of meetings. That helped me in the struggle not to work out the past but to see that what I wanted was quite possible to achieve with the right men. I did not have to worry about my crushes, as long as I knew that there was no such thing as being kept straight for one person, and that fidelity and devotion were personal feelings that helped with each relationship. Though I was aware that finding the right person wasn't easy. I feel that finding the perfect partner means loving myself, to me that means loving be gay. For me I approach each new relationship as a new process that gives me the chance to grow in my letting go. The hope I give is that we live in changes. When something is not right, or it feels like it isn't working we owe it to ourselves to try to move on.

[Steve]

Sorry to comment on an older post Bluestar, but I'm still really trying to catch up on as many members posts/lives and I hadn't read this until you sent me the link.

I understand you better now, A. In the replies to you there is both good advice and many things to think about. And I'll tell you that I value Mike's assessment of what you wrote, and his advice as well. He tends to cut to the important points without drama.

I'm glad that I read this. More importantly, I'm glad that you're in a better place emotionally than your were only a couple of months ago.

xx

[wayward]

You are not the only one possessing guilt for poor decisions of the past. I truly hope this is behind you, and that you become wary and aware of manipulation. Folly is another way to say human error, and it has few strangers. I will be glad to see you grow, mature, and move forward with time. Whether or not you excuse me for being sentimental, I wish you well.