Having a difficult time finding my place

[AbdulRaji]

Personally I do not partake in anal penetration both giving and receiving, I have experienced both and it's just not for me. I don’t judge people who do like it. However, I am being judged by other guys for not engaging in it. Meeting someone who holds the same views as I do has been very difficult, I’m not a very sexual person I never was even as a teenager. I’m neither a Top, Bottom nor Versatile and that seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of guys. I just find it difficult to find my place in this community and at this point I’m not sure if I even belong.

[East]

Personally I do not partake in anal penetration both giving and receiving, I have experienced both and it's just not for me. I don’t judge people who do like it. However, I am being judged by other guys for not engaging in it. Meeting someone who holds the same views as I do has been very difficult, I’m not a very sexual person I never was even as a teenager. I’m neither a Top, Bottom nor Versatile and that seems to be a deal breaker for a lot of guys. I just find it difficult to find my place in this community and at this point I’m not sure if I even belong.

I don't do oral...giving or receiving...it bores me and I avoid it altogether. A lot of guys find this unacceptable which is kinda good because as it is...the world is full of men and it is such a big job trying to whittle it down to 1000 or so acceptable partners so any limitations help tremendously.

Moral of the story: View it as a blessing instead of a curse and you will be fine.

[HumbleTangerine]

I don't think it's that unusual really. I'm not a big fan of anal either.

[Cuddly]

There has been alot of these recently, so hopefully that knowledge is comforting. You're not the only gay who doesn't like anal.

[Wolfpack]

Of course you still belong in the gay community. In time you should be able to meet someone who feels the same way about sex as you do, you just have to keep looking.

[AlfredM]

I'm not into anal as well,but I have never tried it,so that might change in the future. While I agree it is quite difficult to find those who are not into anal,there are people like us and we definitely belong. Cheers.

[50Plus]

I don't do oral...giving or receiving...it bores me and I avoid it altogether. A lot of guys find this unacceptable which is kinda good because as it is...the world is full of men and it is such a big job trying to whittle it down to 1000 or so acceptable partners so any limitations help tremendously.

Moral of the story: View it as a blessing instead of a curse and you will be fine.

Great post East. Anything to reduce the anxiety / choices of finding the right one is a positive.

Abdul - the right guy will not mind if you do not do anal. As a tie in to East's post, when you do meet guys, your chances of finding that right guy will increase because of your preferences. You will not be wasting time on guys that can not accept who are and what makes you comfortable. It may take longer to find the right guy, but the reward will be greater.

[TwisttheLeaf]

As you can see from the responses above, there are definitely men out there that -aren't- into anal. Since they don't wear a sign on their forehead that says this, it may be difficult to pick them out, but that doesn't mean they're not there.

There are also plenty of men out there who either like anal or are ambivalent to anal who wouldn't care about giving it up for the right person.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I wish I kept links to all the articles I read about a lot of stuff.

I do have Ask Alice: http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/not-all-g...e-anal-sex

I have read online and paper periodicals through the years that polls have been taken and something like 60% of gay men actually do not like anal and would prefer to stick to oral sex only.

I recall seeing statistics as high as 75% of gay guys would like to never participate in anal activity.

Such a revelation flies in the typical accusation that all gays like to get fucked. If you spend any time around sites where bigots are allowed to rant and rave and bring up the subject of what gays do, every thread quickly resorts to talking about anal sex and the 'fact' that all gay men take it up the bum.

Our greatest 'safe' teacher is porn. No school teaches sex ed, and its not like gays can talk to their heterosexual parents for tips on how to have sex with another of our own gender.

And gay porn is formulaic (and lame).

Here is the formula for most gay porn:

Start out with oral, move to anal, finish with the money shot.

Why is this? Because in the old timey days when porn was produced by production companies, they needed to insure the maximum amount of customers, so they tried to target as many as possible by having 'stories' that were inclusive.

This formula continues into home movies because we were 'taught' that this is what we are supposed to do.

Historically, oral has been pretty much the preferred man on man action. The Romans and Greeks were not that into anal, with a common belief system that anal was a way to emasculate a man. Of course this was back in the day when part of conquering yonder nation was to finish the bloody killing with rape and pillaging.

Nothing says 'I win' like emasculating your opponent before you kill him.

So if you are not interested you are among a majority.

[DavidsAwesome]

I genuinely don't like anal as well. I love oral though, but I've always felt weird as well.