Friend's boyfriend is blackmailing me

[Anonymous]

This is going to be a long one, but I need advice badly.

I've a friend, a good friend. We know each other since school-time and we even had relationship for a short time, but we realized fast we're not right ones each for other and we decided to stay just friends. Some time ago he told me he's in love with a wonderful guy and invited me to have dinner with them and meet his boyfriend. So I did, we had pleasant evening all three together. His boyfriend really seemed like a very nice, polite and quiet guy. I didn't have any bad suspicion about him. When I was leaving to go home, he accompanied me to the door and when he handed me my jacket, his fingers caressed my arm. This made me a bit cautious, but I thought that maybe I've misunderstood something.

However this was only the beginning of all of his actions. Every time we met all three together, he was always looking at me and smiling to me secretly. Whenever my friend left, he started complimenting me about my looks. I didn't take long for me to realize he's not really interested in my friend. I told him I'm couldn't be interested in my friend's boyfriend and I asked him to stop all his attention. He didn't. He made up incredible amount of reasons of why should we meet and do things together. My friend is so happy about his lover's ideas and he doesn't know he only does it to meet me. He even got my phone number somehow and started to call me.

So like I said he did a lot of things to draw my attention to him, I kept ignoring him. And now he said to me that if I won't answer him, he'll tell my friend I was the one who tried to seduce him. I told him that my friend will believe me, because he knows me a lot longer than him and this guy was like "he won't believe you, not when I'll start to cry and tell him you were threatening me all this time, you were forcing me to cheat him and if I didn't say anything, that's because I was scared for my life". I was shocked and I realized he's right in something - my friend might not believe me, because I've seen that he's completely in love with this guy, he yearns to every his desire and has become a little distant in friendship with me. This guy means the world for my friend.

So I don't know what to do. I'm angry with this guy for using my friend. When I met him, I never thought he's that much of a scoundrel. He doesn't feel anything to my friend, he told me that himself. My friend has good job and good salary and this is the only thing he needs from him. He even said that if my friend wasn't rich, he'd never date him. And I'm also worried that he might destroy our friendship.

What can I do? Tell my friend? But I can't prove anything and this guy will definitely make a theater with tears and everything about how bad I am. If I don't tell him and don't do what this guy wants, the same thing will happen. I'm desperate.

[ChadCoxRox]

Print this thread after the feedback and take it to your friend and confess you failed to tell him immediately because you thought you could just handle it yourself and not let him get hurt. Tell him that was your one mistake and you are making it correct by coming to him directly as soon as you figured it out. Do NOT delay. Be willing to take whatever reaction your friend has and stay away if needed until he learns for himself the truth about this asshole.

People will show you who they are. Believe them.

[LJay]

+1

Get it out in the open right away. When everyone is aware a blackmailer has nothing to work with.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

+3 on CCR's idea.

Excellent suggestion on how to handle the situation, however you must do it without the bf around.

You must however be prepared for some fireworks afterwards, especially from your friends bf, and perhaps even from your friend.

I would also suggest you don't answer his calls, instead letting them go to voicemail as this may add to any evidence you need to prove your side of things. Btw, if you have a smartphone you can use it as a voice recorder, just have a look for recording apps.

The reason I'm suggesting this is that it's clear that this guy is going to be very manipulative and will do his best to split you and your friend up. In short it's going to get nasty. You may need some emotional support to get through this, is there anyone close you can confide in??

Good luck.
ObW
X

[Adam]

I totally agree with CCRox --- you have to tell your friend, and showing him this thread will let him see that you were honestly looking for help and that your friends here believe you and support you.
Obviously, you can no longer spend time with the two of them. Give your friend the time and space to discover for himself what kind of jerk he's dealing with.
It may not go well at first, so be patient with your friend and be there for him when this relationship blows up in his face.

[Anonymous]

And what will happen then if I show this tread to my friend? He'll talk with his boyfriend later and that asshole will probably say something like that I'm telling lies about him or something. I wan't to believe he knows me enough to know I wouldn't lie, but he's so in love with that guy and I think he'd believe him over me.

[LucasVonSeattle]

If you can get an admission of wrongdoing in a text from this guy or some other evidence to back you up, do it.

[Iceblink]

Often when someone is asking advice about what to do when they have learned of dishonesty or infidelity by the partner of a friend, my advice is to just stay out of it because if the relationship survives, you are see as the busybody and as along as the friend is dating that other person there will be no room for you as far as the friendship goes. Even in a friendship, not everything necessarily has to be your business.

In this case, however, you do not have much of a choice but to go to the friend because you are personally involved. You owe to your friend to go to him and get this out in the open. You are correct when you worry that this may strain your friendship, but doing nothing could have the same consequence if the boyfriend goes to him. Some of life's problems do not always have good answers, If it does cool the friendship, remember that this will not be the only time your friend's boyfriend will behave like this and over time his true colors will show. In the long run, your friendship will likely survive. Do what CCRox suggested and print this thread and show it to your friend.

[Borg69]

+3 on CCR's idea.

Excellent suggestion on how to handle the situation, however you must do it without the bf around.

You must however be prepared for some fireworks afterwards, especially from your friends bf, and perhaps even from your friend.

I would also suggest you don't answer his calls, instead letting them go to voicemail as this may add to any evidence you need to prove your side of things. Btw, if you have a smartphone you can use it as a voice recorder, just have a look for recording apps.

The reason I'm suggesting this is that it's clear that this guy is going to be very manipulative and will do his best to split you and your friend up. In short it's going to get nasty. You may need some emotional support to get through this, is there anyone close you can confide in??

Good luck.
ObW
X

If you can get an admission of wrongdoing in a text from this guy or some other evidence to back you up, do it.

^^^^ I agree with these guys. There are sneaky ways to get recordings or text you can use as evidence.

[LJay]

You may or may not lose your friend over this, though I think not. What you must not lose is your integrity. Make it clear to the boyfriend that you are not available to manipulate. such people have a way of disappearing quickly when challenged. Stand up for yourself. Be honest. In the long run it will work out for the best.