Antidepressants

[TwisttheLeaf]

Thank you (: part of me wonders if this is all a placebo because 10mg seems like nothing and i have a feeling doc will up my dosage so im hoping it starts working. Its hard to distract myelf because i simply am not finding anything enjoyable at all. I feel bad that there are people who have it far worse and ive spent the whole day in bed feeling sorry for myself again!

Most anti-depressants take a good 2 weeks (minimum) to level out in your system.

That said? It could be that you're ultra sensitive to the medication or brain chemistry changes. I personally take a child's dose of Prozac. Any less, and I linger in a low I can't quite climb out of. Any -more- and it crashes me into a serious depressive episode.

For some people, myself included, anti-depressants take time to find the -right- med that works for you as well as the right dosage. More isn't always better, and what works for one person may not work properly (or at all) for another.

Unfortunately, it's all trial and error, and a long term type of trial and error, because it takes between 2-6 weeks for an anti-depressant dosage to level out in your system, which means it usually takes about 2 months between changes (either in medication or dosage).

[Uneunsae]

I am also one of those extremely sensitive to medication. There aren't a lot of meds that agree with me and certainly antidepressants fall into that category. They make me much worse. So I get healing from a doctor of Chinese Medicine and see a therapist. This is what works for me.

Give it a couple of weeks, as everyone has suggested, and then explain your side effects and concerns to your doctor. If you feel suicidal, tell someone immediately. Do not underestimate the seriousness of it, because you are not yourself when you feel this way.

[supasyd]

I literally have no idea...for the moment I seem to have reverted back to normal (which isn't necessarily a good thing). I sort of feel guilt because I've managed to go 5 years without resorting to anti-depressants and now I feel like I'm giving in. I have been going out and doing things, but I'm just not getting any enjoyment out of anything!

For the record, I don't think I'd ever have the guts to go the whole way with suicide. I have bouts of really wanting to do it, and even beginning to make attempts, but I do have a great fear of the idea of oblivion which kind of stops me. If I thought there was an afterlife I'd go ahead and do it right now I think.

[Uneunsae]

A lot of people say they would never go all the way. That's what I mean when I said you aren't yourself when you feel suicidal. It's depression taking over your brain, or meds, or whatever. People do a lot of things they wouldn't do if they were of a sound mind. Just take care of yourself.

I was a suicide counselor for two years and have heard everything.

[ChadCoxRox]

Four things that enlighten in these types of situations over the long haul.
Your perception of the "clinical concern", the doctor's perception of the "clinical concern", what actually gets written down in the clinical record, and what a licensed counselor contributes to understanding the dynamics between these factors.
Seek these out at least as an aside to your process in general and you will find any holes in the story you are living. I hope you find as much comfort and tools to build constructively as is possible!

[ChadCoxRox]

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOST important! TAKE NOTES!
A journal/diary by date will be MOST enlightening over time on the road of recovery!
Victim, Survivor and Thriver exist not on a continuum but more like a circle of life kind of concept or a triangle, rotating in a circle. The more each aspect gets attention, the stronger that aspect.

Easy to say...from the outside observing.

[JimmyEcho]

Really sorry you feel this way. (I hope your not self harming)
Everyone here has given great advice, seriously you have to get up and keep active, keep moving, even if you feel it's not doing you any good, just keep moving. exercise helped me out.
Suicide IS a very serious matter. I know you say your not going to do it, but all it takes it one moment.
You might know this already, but there is the Trevor Project. http://www.thetrevorproject.org

[supasyd]

Really sorry you feel this way. (I hope your not self harming)
Everyone here has given great advice, seriously you have to get up and keep active, keep moving, even if you feel it's not doing you any good, just keep moving. exercise helped me out.
Suicide IS a very serious matter. I know you say your not going to do it, but all it takes it one moment.
You might know this already, but there is the Trevor Project. http://www.thetrevorproject.org

This is exactly what I'm doing. Today I gave in and spent all day in bed, and have felt down all day. I have self-harmed a bit I guess, but nothing major. Just very hard scratching and clawing. Nothing life-threatening. I'm feeling a little better this past hour, which is a rarity for me. Maybe it's sharing things on here or maybe it's the meds. I have no idea!

[LJay]

In a situation like this, It is perfectly OK to call your doctor and discuss your dealings with the drug. Ask if you should simply continue to get used to it or if you should come in for an evaluation or whatever. You are correct that this is a low dosage of citalopram, but leave that to your doctor. It does indeed take a while for these meds to settle in and two or three days is really not enough time to know how you will feel in a month.

Talk to you doctor. Try to be patient. Try to hang out with friends.

Keep us posted with your progress. Lots of people here have been through this and will be glad to help if they can.

[TwisttheLeaf]

I sort of feel guilt because I've managed to go 5 years without resorting to anti-depressants and now I feel like I'm giving in. I have been going out and doing things, but I'm just not getting any enjoyment out of anything!

Okay so.. I'm going to share a recent experience with you that (maybe) might help with the guilt a bit.

Over the winter (October thru February) I went off my meds. I have been on my meds for.... at least five years? But I wanted to know how I would handle going off of them and if I was "better". So I tapered myself off of them in October.

At first, things were okay. I was very busy (I run a business that has a very large BOOM in the November/December months) which helped immensely as I simply didn't have time for anything except focus on work and sleep then focus on work again. During these months, the residual medication was slowly working its way out of my system.

By the time January and February came around, most/all the meds had made it out of my system. And, I also no longer had that "boom of distraction" in my life as things had settled down.

I started to slowly degrade. I started finding it more and more difficult to enjoy the things that I usually enjoy. Photography. Jewelry design. My business. Even just things like clouds and mountains and landscape views, of which I usually take a great deal of pleasure in and find an immense amount of comfort in.

I didn't want to go back on my meds. I really hated that idea. But then Gideon sat me down and we had a talk, yeah? He pointed out how much -better- I was off the meds this time around than I had been the last time (five years earlier). But, he also pointed out that I'm not really -happy-, and that I wasn't -enjoying- anything. He also pointed out that although, in this moment of lull, I was sustaining myself on my own without the meds.... what would happen if something triggered a depressive episode?

And.... in the end? For me it came down to this....

Quality of life.

My life is -better- when I'm on my meds. I feel pleasure and enjoyment in my hobbies, activities (hiking, yoga, work, jerking off, etc), and surroundings (a clean home, fresh air when outside, a beautiful mountain vista, etc). This is -extremely- important to me.

So I let go of my guilt over going back on the meds, and went back on my meds.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a happy, healthy life. There's nothing wrong with pursuing it. As much as society might have put a stain on antidepressant medications? There's nothing -wrong- with needing them for that balance.

I will say, though.... You should not -just- be taking meds. Meds and therapy work hand in hand. It's important to have both.

For the record, I don't think I'd ever have the guts to go the whole way with suicide. I have bouts of really wanting to do it, and even beginning to make attempts, but I do have a great fear of the idea of oblivion which kind of stops me. If I thought there was an afterlife I'd go ahead and do it right now I think.

Nobody ever thinks they have the guts to go through with suicide until they end up going through with suicide. That fear is a -good- thing, but depending on how low you go? It might not be enough.

Uneunsae is right. If you're feeling suicidal, seek help immediately. Even if it's just calling someone to talk and distract you from that urge. A friend. A family member. A suicide hotline.